Archive for September, 2006

Eating Disorder Recovery, 14 Years Free: You Can Break From Addictions Or Bad Habits Too!

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

Freedom is amazing. My emotions no longer dictate my behavior, and my circumstances no longer control my response. I choose each day to live free, and my life is an amazing adventure for it. I used to be trapped by an eating disorder, confined to self-degrading thoughts whenever I felt hungry. I never understood that food is fuel, and nothing more. Instead, food was an escape, a refuge, and a reward. Diets enslaved me, and the desire for control consumed me. I looked successful on the outside, but I was dying on the inside. That changed over fourteen years ago, and my journey to wholeness has changed my entire perspective on life. I love life, I seize every opportunity, and I choose to live each day as required to be proud of who I am. I truly love how God has made me.

Before recovery, I worked hard to hide my struggles, because I did not want to admit there was anything wrong. I was hurting, but I never let it show. I was a successful overachiever, friendly, outgoing, a hospital volunteer, and a straight-A student. My public life was thriving, but in private, I was deteriorating rapidly. As my eating disorder progressed, so did my physical symptoms, and I felt my body grow weaker. But I was determined to make it. I knew of no other way to cope. I was crying out for attention, abusing my body, forcing my train up a hill on a path leading to a brick wall. If nothing had changed my course, my life would have ended. But God showed me a way out, and I realized that my bulimia (and anorexic behavior) was putting my life in danger. I got help, and my life has never been the same.

Our society encourages using food as entertainment, comfort, and consolation. This programming begins early. We are trained to “pig out” for fun or fellowship, skip meals to demonstrate self-control, and eat fast food fast. It is easy to take these messages to the extreme. In my pain and low self-image, I quickly learned to measure my success or failure in life against my ability to deprive my body of its desire for food. I hated my body because of past trauma, and I felt I could never be good enough in anyone’s eyes. For me, food reinforced that hatred. I grew up in church and always believed in keeping my body healthy, so I never drank alcohol, smoked, or did drugs. In my eating disorder, I never took laxatives, diet pills, or any other substance, believing that meant I did not have a real problem. My use of food, however, was still extremely destructive. It is interesting that many Christians, and anyone else who tries to avoid unhealthy practices, often use food in the same way as any other vice. Food becomes comfort, when it really is designed to be sustenance.

Temporarily, food comforts as it masks your pain. During the awkward teenage years, that are already difficult for anyone, I was living with no way to deal with my circumstances and feelings of worthlessness from my trauma. All I could do was stuff them down, way down. Obsession with diets and food happened naturally, and soon became how I coped. I was a skinny girl, but I felt huge. Rather than deal with what was really bothering me at a given moment, I could focus on how fat I felt, how awful I was for eating anything, or how strong I was for skipping a meal. My eating disorder became my coping mechanism, but rather than helping me through life’s difficulties, it was burying me deeper. I am grateful to it, however, not for what it was, but for who I am after emerging from it.

I am grateful that it happened because I needed a way out and I found it. I am grateful because I am a stronger person for having beaten it. I am grateful because it forced me to realize that I can rationalize almost anything and that does not make it true. No matter how much I wanted to think I was in control, I was not. No matter how much I thought I could handle food, I could not. I had to get help to stop it, and it changed my life. For over fourteen years I have followed an eating plan, maintained a healthy weight for my size 6 frame, and enjoyed exercise in moderation. My plan includes three meals and one snack a day, and no refined sugar. I now live a balanced life. I no longer think about food until it is time to eat, and I no longer beat myself up over what I eat. I know how to eat healthy and I choose to do so to live my best life, free of addictive behavior. I have no problem eating in front of anyone, regardless of their opinions about what I eat. I eat to live, not live to eat. I have learned to enjoy what life has to offer, and I eat nutritiously so that I have the most energy to face the day. I love my body, I love who I am (imperfections and all), and I love seeing my children feel confident about themselves as I demonstrate this healthy attitude. I know the warning signs to watch out for, and I keep myself accountable to those closest to me so I stay healthy and free. And I stay on my plan, determined to keep food in its proper place, no matter what. I do not believe relapse has to be a part of recovery, not if you believe you are worth what waits for you on this side of freedom. This is what recovery looks like: when that which once controlled you no longer holds power over your life.

I used to live as Paul described in Romans 7:19 in the Bible: “…the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” Before eating disorder recovery, I would wake up thinking today would be different, but it never was. I broke promises to myself all the time. While we all must remember the “Golden Rule” (do to others as you would have them do to you), the people-pleaser in me needed to learn the reverse: treat myself as good as I treat others (keep promises I make to myself, or do not make them at all). To effect real change, I had to realize that I deserved better treatment, and it started with how I treated myself. I determined to act as if I believed God still had hope for me, and in time, I learned it was true. I had to make a decision to trust God for help, and then to go get the help. I am grateful to those who encouraged me in recovery and who helped me face life with courage and learn to manage stress differently. Now my deepest desire is to help others have the strength and determination to live happy, healthy, successful, and truly free.

What do you turn to when crisis hits? What do you do with your emotions when faced with life’s storms? Do you have any habits, addictions, or patterns of behavior that are somehow robbing you of your best life? Are you taking away years of your future, destroying your present, running from your past? There is no easy instant fix. You can stop the destructive behavior, but you must process the festering mess underneath trying to take you back to it. You can do it. Get past your past, and stay in the present. You really can break this cycle and be free. “Crisis is what brings you closer to the place where your heart is pointed.” (Rev. G. Gregg). If you are not anchored in and pointed somewhere, you could be headed into a brick wall. Plot your course or it will be plotted for you. Live courageously and face your fear today. Break free. It truly is life-changing, and will lead you to a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, balance, be yourself, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success | 6 Comments »

4 Secrets to Time Management That Define You: is Your Strategy Skyrocketing You to Success or Stopping You Cold?

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006

Whatever your image of success, time management is at its core. Do not let time pass you by, but rather take charge of your time and pass it deliberately. Do not be distracted by the frivolous, nor be manipulated into what only appears worthwhile on the surface. Here are four secrets to overhauling your time management approach that will determine if you achieve greatness or live a life of regret. Be the 1% of people who accomplish greatness and reap the benefits of 99% of the world’s success. You are in control of your life and God has given you a vision of the amazing future you can create, if you only manage your time wisely. Do not let a moment be wasted by laziness, missed opportunities, or improper planning. Seize the day and make it count. Here is how to change your life, one minute at a time.

Secret #1: Be in the moment, every moment. Are you thinking in the present, one minute at a time? Successful people keep their eye on the task at hand. If a task does not merit your full attention, then it is not worth doing. Do you make those around you feel special by giving them your full attention? Your children, your spouse, even your clients can tell if you think them worthy of your efforts and focus. Show them your true priorities by giving your best. If, at any moment, you are consumed by frustrations over a past event, or dwelling on worries of a future deadline, you are not making efficient use of your time. Your life is an overloaded train poorly performing at reduced speed. How can you speed up your success? By releasing worries over what you cannot control, and facing challenges without distraction. By staying in the moment, you will lower stress, accomplish exponential growth in productivity, and enjoy a more peaceful existence as you confidently complete each task.

Secret #2: Make every moment productive. Instead of wishing for more hours in your day, create more day in your hours. Get up early, get started with strength for the day ahead, and you will see immediate results. I recall when I first put this into practice. While not a “morning person” at heart, I decided to rise early enough to have quiet devotion time every morning, and to have extra hours to accomplish my goals for the day. The first thing in the morning I prayed, strategized about my day, envisioned the big picture, and even added some exercise to get my adrenaline going. I was amazed at how it changed my entire day! I felt better, had a better attitude, was more confident, and accomplished more before lunch than at any other time. Take an extra 30 minutes to an hour in the morning to situate yourself emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally for the day. Starting with quiet time will increase productivity immediately, lower stress levels, and help you be more prepared for the unexpected. Then get to work, and see how far you go!

Laziness does not yield success. What are you accomplishing right now, and why? Are you putting off today what you will only dread tomorrow? “If you ever want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, simply put it off” (Olin Miller). Successful people take care of what is important immediately. Efficient time management dictates that you conquer your fear and live courageously, completing what matters most as soon as you can, not as late as possible. Procrastination is what limits success in your future and lessens happiness in your present. Procrastination is the author of regret. There are different forms of productivity to your life: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual, and they all need attention in balance.

Secret #3: Balance your life: There is a beautiful illustration of balance in time management that has been formed into many analogies, from a pickle jar to a biscuit barrel, to name a few. Stephen Covey uses one such illustration. This is a shortened variation of the popular story, which makes a crucial point: take care of first things first. For those who like to follow along while doing the exercise and live the experience, you will need a large jar, some large rocks, some pebbles, some sand, and some water. On each large rock (10-12 of them, depending on your jar size), write something important to you, a major priority in life (such as a deadline, a goal, an event, clients, loved ones).

Now imagine you are sitting by rocks and sand in front of a beautiful ocean (no surprise why I picked the beach setting). In your hand you have a large empty jar. Fill it with lots of sand until it is completely full. Sand includes all the little things you have to do. Now pour a lot of pebbles onto the sand, and try to fit as many as you can, until you can fit no more. Pebbles represent what you enjoy in life. Now try to add your large rocks. How many can you fit before they spill over? Few, if any. As you imagine this (or better yet, do this), think of ways your life resembles your jar. Are you trying to squeeze the major rocks into an already full jar, hoping it all holds together for one more day? Are there important matters and people who seem to get the leftovers of your time?

Let’s try it again. Empty the jar into a bowl (you will use the ingredients again). This time, pick up as many large rocks as you can and place them in the empty jar. Now add even a few more on the top. Notice you can fit even more than you expected, when the important parts of life go in first! Next, pick your small pebbles out of the sand and add them to the jar. Add as many pebbles as you can until the jar is full again (it is okay to shake the jar until they fit). Do you see how many more pebbles fit this time? You get more joy out of life when these “happiness” pebbles come next. Now, add your sand. Pour in as much sand as you can until the jar is full. Notice how the sand seeps in to the very bottom, surrounding all the empty spaces?

The sand represents all those chores that have to get done, and rather than taking up your whole life, can easily fit in between the rocks and pebbles. Notice how much your jar weighs. Lastly, pour in water, filling the jar until it can hold no more. Now lift the jar. Feel the difference? Water represents all the ways you allow burdens, worry, and stress to seep in and weigh you down. Your jar is your life: what is yours saying? Are you made of sand and water (with a little rocks and pebbles in the way) or are you made of rocks and pebbles (with sand filling the empty parts and the occasional water seeped in)?

Successful people are not always busy, and busy people are not always successful. How you handle balancing the rocks, pebbles, and sand of your life can propel you towards success or stop you cold. Live a balanced life. Are you letting your time be wasted? Technology can be your avenue to prosperity or it can siphon the life out of you and your prospects for the future. You decide which it is for your life every minute you spend connected to the world wide web, watching tv, reading, going to the movies. Be sure your habits fit in balance with your life strategy. Your body will run as well as you treat it. Are you running it down with bad habits now, draining it of a future? Do you have a regular sleep pattern? Are you eating right? Your body is a machine and needs regular nutritious fuel (and rest) for optimum performance.

Every day should contain time for business, refreshment (play, rest, eat), strategy (reflection on the big picture, goals, priorities, self-improvement, confidence, and spiritual strength), chores (the sand), and relationships. How you handle these components of your time defines who you are.

My husband is a successful attorney (talk about a stressful job!), and he has taught me the value of laughter and fun in everyday life. After dealing with life changing experiences in clients all day, he makes a point of seeking out humor, usually by at least catching jokes on one of the late shows every night. With the variety of jokes, you are bound to find something funny, and it is a great way to relax and have fun together. Laughter is truly a great medicine.

Do you spend enough time with loved ones? My three children love it when daddy gets home. No matter what kind of day he has had, they know that by bedtime, he will come up with something fun to do. Sometimes it is a game of hide-and-seek, other times they wrestle, or play “monster”. They feel important by his time and attention, and it gives him a way to bond with his children while he unwinds from his day. Do you let your children see you have fun? I laugh with my children, my friends, and my spouse as often as possible.

Do you have intimate time with your spouse daily? I am not just talking about sex (although that is a great idea too). If you are too busy or too tired for sexual intimacy, still reinforce the emotional bond daily. My husband and I love to hold each other in bed every night and enjoy the warmth of knowing we are there for each other. We also take time to hear about our day, cultivating the friendship. Do you spend time talking with those closest to you? If not a spouse, a friend? Give yourself time for friendships that last.

Secret #4: Say no. It is not selfish to say no, but rather is a healthy form of time management that draws others in. When you overbook your schedule, you say to your commitments” you are not worth my best effort”. Saying no tells others you know your limits and abilities, and you can be trusted to do what you promise. Being trustworthy is an effective tool to keep loyal clients, and a great parenting tip for building strong relationships with your children. Be a person of integrity, and do what you say.

Keep your focus on the big rocks to determine what to throw out. Are you keeping busy hoping to make it somehow, or are you focused on a goal and guiding yourself to it with every minute you spend? Every action accomplishes some goal, the question you must ask yourself is what goal is this action taking you towards. Your schedule defines your priorities, and your priorities define you. Why you choose your big rocks is often as important as what they are and how you deal with them. Do you have a grasp on your life purpose, and are you seeking ways to contribute to the world with your talents and your giftings? Have a strong foundation anchored in to succeed through the storms of life.

Pass your time wisely. If you live in the moment, stay productive, balanced, and live according to your priorities, you will succeed in your life’s purpose.

Patricia

Posted in attitude, balance, be yourself, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, play, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management | 8 Comments »

Dream Your Dreams to Achieve Greatness and Inspire the World

Friday, September 15th, 2006

It is not selfish to dream, nor unproductive to envision, for all innovation begins with inviting imagination. Follow your deepest desires to dream of an amazing future that will propel you to your destination. Keep your train on track. The secret to the most successful people, in business and in life, is that they never lose focus, never stop reaching, never stop striving to overcome and accomplish their goals. You can too, right now.

It seems paradoxical but it is nevertheless true: you must dream beyond the imaginable to achieve success beyond the attainable. Are your visions of the future confined in a suffocating box of limitations? What is holding you back? How are you preventing yourself from success? Dream your dreams today.

Success requires initiative. If you act in business as your elementary teacher trained you, you will never advance. Were you taught to sit quietly when you do your work, only speak when spoken to, respond with expected answers, follow exact instructions without adding any creativity, and let others plan the lessons? To succeed in your personal and professional life, get up and move, be creative, take initiative, suggest new ideas, surprise yourself and others, design your own life, and envision the big plan.

In archery, there are four main components to success: have the tools (bow, arrow, strength), know your target, focus your aim, and shoot. Achieving your goals is like that.

1. Tools: Many inhibit their achievement by convincing themselves that they will never have the skills (tools) to accomplish their dreams. As a doctoral candidate, completing my dissertation for the Ph.D. degree, I can tell you a secret of education at this level: learn how to learn. After absorbing knowledge from others (professors, etc.), teach yourself whatever else you must know. All the courses I have taken have prepared me now to continue learning by self-educating. I have learned how to learn. You can too, even without the degree. If you lack a skill to accomplish your goal, if you do not know it yet, or cannot do it yet, you can learn it! You CAN do it!

2. Target: Know your goal: what are you aiming to achieve? Take your dream to the next level by writing it down on paper, and then adding details until it becomes not just a hope but a plan.

3. Aim well: Remember to keep focused. Just as in archery, where your eye gaze affects how well you shoot, if you take your eye off your goal, your aim will follow. In addition, compensate for gravity and aim high. While a short trajectory can aim straight on, a long-term goal (or more distant target) requires you to adjust your aim as you shoot.

4. Shoot: This is so simple, but most goals are never accomplished primarily because of a lack of action. Take action today. Have a determined stance to achieve greatness and give to the world an inspiration that was designed to come from you alone. God gave you a purpose in life, find it and create your own success.

With the tools for the job and the target in sight, you take aim and soar to your future. Dream big, clarify your goal, aim high, and act, and you will hit the target you know will fulfill your life’s purpose. Remember, even by dreaming your dreams, or preparing and gaining the tools, you are succeeding in your goal, because you are moving forward towards the target.

“You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to achieve your goals” -Booker T. Washington.

“Shoot for the moon.? Even if you miss, you will land amongst the stars” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Dream your dreams today: they are the secret to your success and the mechanism by which you inspire others. As you DREAM, you get hope; as you HOPE, you aspire; as you ASPIRE, take aim; as you AIM, act; as you ACT, you SUCCEED; in success, you INSPIRE.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, goals, life philosophy, motivation, organization, people skills, personal development, productivity, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 16 Comments »

A Better You, Personal Development Blog: Thank you!

Tuesday, September 12th, 2006

I want to extend my gratitude to all of you for the positive feedback this blog has received. I am honored you are choosing my contribution to be a part of your quest for a better you! Thank you to Live Consciously for including me in?the “10 best blogs on personal development”, to the generous reception from the blog carnivals, to individual blogs encouraging others to visit here, and for your trackbacks. This post is to give readers a feel for the direction of this blog and my goals and focus for spreading my message “you can do it!” to all who seek to live happy, healthy, successful, and free. Come relax, stay a while, and see where it leads.

My strategy is, rather than spend money on marketing and advertising, to post well-written, honest, and life-affirming content regularly, and this blog is spreading naturally from person to person. I am excited about its growth (see details in this updated post)!

While I want to share my stories and encouragements to everyone possible and reach as many visitors as I can, the quality of the articles and posts will always be more important than the frequency of posting. I will try to have a complete article post about every week, but some take longer to be complete: I will write them until they are what needs to be said. In between these longer articles, I will start posting some shorter “thoughts of inspiration”, for timeless encouragement and motivation for every reader. Check back often for these “you can do it!” posts. I also plan to add an email newsletter in the near future, so stay tuned!

I welcome feedback, suggestions, or a wish list of topics you would like to see me address, letting me know how I can better help you along your journey. Remember- you were designed for greatness! Napoleon Hill was right when he said: Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, he can achieve. For success, THINK IT, BELIEVE IT, and you will ACHIEVE IT!

Thank you for reading, browse a while, and I hope you leave here a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, people skills, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | No Comments »

How to Be Happy: Attend to Your Four Core Components and Find True Happiness

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

Are you happy? Do you love your life? Are you excited about every day’s possibilities? Sometimes in hurrying to a destination people neglect to enjoy the journey. The endless quest for true happiness often frustrates, and misplaced focus brings futile attempts to find the joy that is missing from life. You are not trapped by your circumstances, and your happiness does not rest with others: you can decide whether you will live happy and free, and you can do it today. You are an amazing person with something incredible to offer to this life, created with four main areas crying out to be satisfied. Balance these four core parts integral to your being, take a determined stance to succeed, and you can achieve true happiness. Make small steps and see great change, and do it now.

Happiness is not unattainable nor is it impossible: you truly can be happy. It is not selfish to desire to be happy. If you live to help others, to give of yourself, you need to have motivation, energy, and a zeal for life to spread as you give back to the world. Happiness will be a wellspring of enthusiasm from which you can continue your journey, excited about every moment. These practical steps to happiness in each of your four compartments can help speed you along. You will have a sense of calm in the midst of the storms of life, and you can be happy with yourself and be real, both inside and out.

Your life is a train ride, and happiness will come when the train is moving freely and effectively. When one compartment is weighed down by excess baggage, it slows down the whole train. You may be partly happy, or somewhat satisfied with life, but there could be so much more! Are you functioning at optimum speed, or are there areas of your being that could be happier? Do you feel fulfilled, confident, and excited to start each day? If the brakes are pulled on one compartment, or if the wheels stop turning altogether, the train will go slower, and will not be able to make it up the hills of life. Without momentum, it stops. Like The Little Train That Could, determined to make it and affirming himself with “I think I can, I think I can” until he did it, you need to know you CAN do it! You can face life and travel your journey successful and happy. Do it today!

I used to be so deeply unhappy. There were moments of laughter, moments that made me smile, and I maintained an overall pleasant countenance to those around me. But deep in my core I was restless, frustrated, and losing hope for any kind of true joy in life. I knew that I had a purpose for living and that God had plans for me to accomplish my purpose, but I felt inadequate and insecure about who I was and how I could help other people. On the outside I appeared successful and happy. I was earning straight A’s in my classes, volunteering at a hospital, and living as a people-pleaser, sacrificing any of my desires to try desperately to fulfill the expectations of others, and chastising myself when I fell short of my perfectionist expectations. I was distraught, traumatized, and insecure. I was flooring it on empty. I thought I had it all under control, but my life’s journey was severely out of balance, and its train ride was slowly being derailed.

My eating disorder was getting more serious everyday, but I did not know how to stop. It was my coping mechanism for life’s ups and downs, and I did not know how to replace it with healthy living. I had built up hurt and baggage from years of pain, and it was weighing me down. When alone with myself, the disquiet of my spirit showed me I had to change. I so desperately wanted to be at peace, truly happy, feeling satisfaction and fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.

I realized that my hopes and dreams would never be fulfilled on the self-destructive path that I was taking. One day, I woke up, saw the beautiful sun shining, felt God giving me strength, and took charge of my out-of-control train of a life: I got back on track. For the first time, I trusted my own inner voice and listened to what I felt God was telling me: get help, get it now, and get better. Start to live. You can do it! The decision to not only survive but to overcome was a monumental one because it was the start of a journey to wholeness and health, to reframing how I see the world, and to loving each moment of this precious life God has given me.

Today I am genuinely happy. I am free like never before. There are moments of sorrow, and difficult times are a part of life, but at my core, I am truly excited about life and happy to experience all of it, finding joy in everything possible. I make an effort to laugh everyday, to take pleasure in the tiniest things on my journey, and I work to not miss the precious moments of joy that happen along the way. Over fourteen years ago I changed my life, and I live happy and on track- and my happiness increases as I continue to learn how to enjoy the process and the journey. You can too! Focusing on these four components to your being will provide you a practical guide to explore where you are happy, ways your happiness is being hindered, and how to easily gain momentum and instantly experience a better and happier you.

Component #1: Mental- Follow your purpose and find your place

Your brain is intricately designed, and is like no other product I can think of: the more you use it, the more it improves, and the less you use it, the more it deteriorates. This epitomizes the expression use it or lose it. Your intellect is yearning to be challenged, to create, and to contribute your talents to the world. Happiness is often out of reach when this compartment is suppressed or denied. Are you yearning to curl up with a good book? Make time. Do you dream of attending school or learning a new trade? Start now. Do you want to start your own business, or change careers? Why wait- the world is waiting for you. Are you aching to learn how to heal from your past, to learn the keys to a better future, and to achieve the greatness you are called to make happen? Then gain speed and momentum today, and boost your journey forward. You can do it!

True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.-Helen Keller

Happiness will not be found in fleeting accolades, but in accomplishing what fulfills your true life’s purpose. Are you setting goals, both short term and long term? Do you dream your dreams, and imagine the future you desire, or do you suppress your natural desire for imagination and creativity and focus mostly on your frustrations over a monotonous area of your life? Even if your current daily activities are tedious, can you see the big picture? This can motivate you to complete your task, no matter how small, and press on for the goal, no matter how big.

If there is no big picture, then find one and make every moment count. I remember working in a lab during college and having to record hours of data which required repetitive actions. The work was interesting to me but it was tiring. I persevered, partly because I was interested in the final results, and mostly because I knew it was temporary and would yield course credit. Now, years later as I am writing my dissertation to earn a Ph.D., I am faced with analyzing hours of data yet again. This time the big picture is extremely gratifying, as I am motivated and eager to see the final results, to complete my degree, and to contribute to the professional world with my conclusions. Train your brain to exemplify the qualities of character that you aspire to hold.

Historians and Biblical scholars agree that Jesus spent about thirty years of life preparing for a comparatively short time of ministry (from one to twelve years of recorded ministry, depending on who you ask).We can learn a lesson from his journey. Train, prepare, plan, envision your future, and then do it. Are you genuinely stuck in a rut and needing to return your train to its tracks, are you on the right path but forgetting why you are going there, or are you chugging along at a slow pace and needing a boost of energy? Mental happiness is found when you have a purpose for your journey, you know where you are headed, and you are taking steps forward while facing the challenges each moment of the journey brings.

With discipline and determination you can teach yourself patience, endurance, focus, and commitment. Align your actions with your priorities and stay true to the real you. Make a conscious choice to affirm yourself and your abilities, rather than berate yourself for mistakes. Remember that most every great invention or success story occurred after repeated attempts and failures. The only way to succeed is to keep trying until you get it right. If you give up, you will never get there. Hang on, pull up, and get moving towards your goals. Your brain is a remarkable device just waiting to assist you on your journey. Use it or lose it. Have you heard the saying that success is ten percent inspiration, and ninety percent perspiration? This means it takes effort, and achievement will bring great joy.

Component #2: Physical- Be nice to your body

One day I heard someone say to listen to my body. It brought an amazing revelation to my view of life: your body lets you know when it is happy! Are you robbing your body of happiness because you neglect or ignore its messages? Your body is crying out to you- do you know what it is saying? If you have intestinal difficulties, do you sit in one place all day? If you wake up feeling “blah”, did you load up on starchy carbohydrates right before bed the night before? If you find yourself slow to get started in the morning, do you have a regular sleep pattern? Your nerve endings are designed to trigger pain to tell you something. In this world of instant medication we often forget to discover the reason behind our suffering, pain, or exhaustion. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you living an active lifestyle? Do you eat foods that give you energy or drag you down? Do you take care of yourself and get regular checkups from your doctor?

Two main keys to a happy body:

1. Live an active lifestyle. Remember when airlines used to allow certain pets onboard trapped in a small cage and stowed under your seat? Well, they did. The poor dears were stuck so tightly they could not even turn around. Are you a couch potato, confining your poor body like a caged animal on a cross-country flight, hoping for the moment the door is opened? Every pet owner knows the thrill of letting their sweet animal free to run in a park. Won’t you extend at least the same courtesy to yourself?

You were designed to roam free, and your body aches for movement. Doctors will tell you that exercise and activity provide phenomenal benefits to you: increase your metabolism, lower blood pressure, reduce stress and tension, elevate your mood, and help improve your sex life. Are you used to a sedentary lifestyle? Start small and you will notice quick improvements: even walking 20 minutes a day will lead to weight loss and an overall improvement in your feeling well. Whether you walk at the mall, go jogging in the park, play a sport, or work out at a gym, get moving!

Exercise through your adversity. President John F. Kennedy lived a life of extreme back pain. Despite numerous life-threatening back surgeries, he suffered immensely. With the help of Dr. Hans Kraus and a regular exercise regimen, he fought through his pain and improved his quality of life to where he could lift up his boy for the first time, and once again swing a golf club. The doctor’s papers reveal that exercise played a huge role in his physical successes, and if his life had not been cut short, may have championed a national exercise campaign. Set a goal today to push past your excuses and get some extra exercise- commit to be nicer to your body today!

Unless a doctor prohibits it, you were made for physical activity. Once in elementary school my teacher wanted us to jog around the field. I thought this was an impossible task for me, because I was not used to any formal exercise. I was tall and skinny, and fully capable of running, but I just could not do it. My friend and I both tried, then stopped. Tried, then stopped. We took a lower grade on the assignment and it bothered the perfectionist in me.

When I talked with my mother about it, she explained that our bodies just were not cut out for physical exercise. Our genes were just not made for real exercise. I felt better, and assumed she was right. My mom was right about many, many things, as are most moms. But on this, she was wrong. I discovered not only was I capable of exercise, I really enjoyed it! If you want true change in any area, question your assumptions. At first I felt it would be disrespect to even consider that my mom could be so wrong. I quickly learned that parents (hopefully) try their best, but no one is perfect. As a mother of three children, I hope my kids grow up to embrace life, face the world, and succeed. I also hope my children are wise enough to rise beyond my imperfections and live their best. Gain a new perspective on life as you consider some of your assumptions and reframe how you see the world around you.

2. Balanced and healthy intake: What you eat and what you drink have a huge impact on who you are and what you accomplish. Numerous studies support this assertion, including studies on juvenile offenders that show greater than twenty percent reduction (and up to fifty percent reduction) in antisocial and violent behavior when healthy foods and drinks replace junk food snacks and foods loaded with refined sugar.

Your body will be happier when you eat to live, not live to eat. Are you taking good care of your body by what you put into it, like an expensive luxury vehicle, or are you feeding it junk food and running on whatever prepackaged chemical snack you could get at the closest vending machine? Don?t treat your body like a rental car, giving it the cheapest gas and roughest treatment. It is your only body- give it the luxury treatment for the most mileage!? What are you giving your body to sustain it? Parents especially need to model this for their children. Teach them to view food as energy, and to care for their bodies as best as they can. Here is a best bet guide that I live by for maximum energy.

My main eating plan consists of keeping my blood sugar level by eating frequent, small, healthy, and balanced meals which leave me satisfied and energized to face the tasks ahead. Some tips for treating your body as royalty are as follows. Try changing just a few of these and you will see a significant change in your energy. Follow all of these suggestions and you will notice remarkable results. When I stopped my unhealthy eating I committed to an eating plan and overnight saw dramatic results. No longer did I see food as comfort or entertainment, but rather as fuel for my focus. As I grew in self-confidence I also desired to care for myself in the best way possible. With each small change, I saw both immediate and long-term benefits: and you can too!

Rather than eating two or three large meals, eat regularly, four to five times per day, and eat smaller meals. Learn to listen to your body. Do not deprive yourself of basic nutrition, but then when you are full, stop eating. If you are unsure, then HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? This classic saying I learned about food is to remind yourself to eat only when you are truly hungry. Eat balanced meals. Be sure to get enough protein, fruits, and vegetables throughout the day. Eat fiber. Limit your starchy carbohydrates, and avoid white flour (such as white bread).

Make every bite count. Find foods with nutrients that fuel your body and keep your mind alert, rather than fill it with empty calories. Eliminate refined sugar from your diet. I have gone fourteen years now without eating cake, desserts. And sugary sweets, and I do not miss them at all! Eat as natural as you can. A good rule of thumb is if a product has ingredients you cannot pronounce or do not understand, then do not eat it! If you can afford it, buy organic. Look for meats without hormones or preservatives. Avoid processed lunch meats and other foods full of nitrates: these are known to cause cancer, just like the artificial sweetener saccharin (avoid artificial sweeteners).

Eat in moderation. Do not omit fat or carbohydrates from your eating plan, but do not overload your body with them. Choose healthier fats, such as olive oil. Do not drink or smoke: care about your health and your body, and avoid these toxins. Drink plenty of water. I usually drink between 8-10 8 ounce glasses of water per day (during each of my three pregnancies, I drank up to twelve glasses per day to keep appropriately hydrated). Water is extremely important. You change the oil in your car periodically, so why not flush out the toxins in your system? Your body is crying out for water to cleanse and refresh you.

Wondering if caffeine is affecting you? Cut out your caffeine intake for a week, and see if you feel the effects of withdrawal to answer this question. Usually you will notice headaches or fatigue, among other things. Get through these first few days without it, and you will notice the feeling of a cloud lifting over you. I have spent many years without caffeine. Occasionally I will intake caffeine, but I know now how my body responds to it, so I try to avoid it.

Component #3: Emotional- Experience life

True emotional happiness comes from living a balanced life, managing stress, and living in the present, at peace with who you are and what you do.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi.

The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances. Martha Washington.

Within this emotional component, there are four keys to making yourself happy.

1. Be honest with yourself. Get to know how you really feel inside. What bothers you and why? Do you have any unpacked baggage weighing down your life train’s emotional compartment? Unpack it today to lighten your load and gain further momentum. Are you plagued with worry about what was or what is to come? Can you focus on the moment, and notice small pleasures around you? Do you have hurt that needs to heal? Are there relationships that unsettle your spirit, that need distancing or mending? Take action today. Much of our emotional unsettling is due to selfishness. Are you being considerate, thinking of the other person’s perspective? Live as a generous person, in all you do. Be self-confident and live to be proud of who you are, the real you. Take risks and develop lasting relationships and friendships.

2. Gain perspective. It is said that perception is reality and reality is perception. Law school students often have a lesson in perception when two individuals burst through the door of their classroom during a lecture, engage in a brief altercation, and then leave. The students are then asked to record what happened on paper, which are almost always extremely varied accounts of what occurred. In one situation, for example, most agreed one person was beating up on another, but recorded that the boy was beating on the girl, when in fact, it was the other way around. Their assumptions skewed their interpretations and impressions of the event. To some degree this is true of your emotional core. Conflict, insecurity, and life’s ups and downs leave an emotional imprint.

To help you gain perspective, read any old journals you have kept, and notice what was bothering you the most in the past. How did that work itself out? Was your worry or frustration proportionate to the situation, or was it exaggerated to some degree? Like mirrors in a carnival fun house, emotions have a way of distorting the lens through which we view our circumstances. Learn from your past, step back and take an aerial view of your life’s hurdles, and consider if there is any wound or troubles that you perceive to be greater than they are.

Conversely, is there an area of hurt where you are neglecting to heal? Left untreated, deep wounds can become infected and soon spread throughout the body. Are you bleeding profusely and treating it with a small bandaid, or ignoring it altogether? Triage yourself today, and start to heal.

3. Take responsibility. You cannot control how you feel (although after you gain perspective you can control much of how you feel), but you can control how you respond. Will you numb out, losing the ability to feel the good with the bad? Will you build up your anger and resentment until you take it out on someone else? Doing this only allows those who hurt you to keep hurting you.

Enough is enough, release that hold today. Take small steps. Choose one item to change about your character and your emotional self, and start now. One small splash in a pond creates a large ripple through the current. Do you raise your voice at your children? Promise to lower it when upset instead. Experts will tell you that a soft spoken firm word commands more respect and gets faster results than a raised voice every time. Do you dredge up the past or use hurtful words when disagreeing with your spouse? Commit to having a ‘fair fight’ from now on, keeping a focus only on the present. Do you berate yourself for small mistakes, neglecting to affirm yourself? Vow to be your own best friend, and do it.

You can choose to respond to life (acting as you desire based on your processed feelings), or to react to life (letting past bottled-up hurts control your every action, including disproportionate responses and tempers). I used to hate it when my mom would say ‘use your chooser, choose to be happy’. It is not as simple as that. You have feelings you cannot deny, or they just grow. But you can choose to gain perspective, to process your feelings, to align your insides with your outside actions, and to gain peace and happiness within. Listen to the pit of your stomach, live what you believe, and be confident in your character and integrity. You can choose to pursue happiness by processing and responding, and become happier every moment for it.

4. Have an outlet, a release. To be in control and respond rather than react, give yourself an outlet, a regular release for your emotions. You have an emotional component to your core that cries out for attention. Have you ever had a noise from a car get louder and louder, the longer you ignore it? Eventually, you find out the problem when your car breaks down. Treat yourself better than this. I was struck by a poignant explanation of why we need to process our feelings and emotions by a children’s program called ‘Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Kids’. The mommy spider was explaining rain to her children who were sad because the rain stopped their game. She said that the clouds filled up with sadness and hard feelings for so long, that they got too heavy and burst- that was the rain. Then, when they get it all out, you know they are happy, because of the rainbow.

Realize that your emotions build up inside you. Endorphins are released and you feel better when your emotions have an outlet. Find a healthy one. Have you ever noticed yourself overreact to something? You are usually expressing misplaced feelings which stem from something else that is bothering you. Rather than wait until they burst at an inappropriate time, sort them out beforehand, and let it rain. For ideas on how to balance your daily activities and still make time for processing these emotions, see my article on managing stress.

Component #4: Spiritual- Fill the ‘God-shaped hole’

An episode of the Twilight Zone called the ‘Misfortune Cookie’ depicted a restaurant critic who intentionally defamed an establishment without trying a bite of food. A curse was placed on him that created an insatiable hunger for Chinese food. He ate and ate and ate but never was satisfied. His fortune cookie said he would die, and he did. His hunger was so deep and unfulfilled that he ate himself to death. Society is filled with choices of bad habits, which rob you of your health and vitality. What are you trying to consume to fill the deep void within you? Is it working? There is a core compartment of spirituality within you that can only be made happy if it is filled with the missing piece of the puzzle.

Blaise Pascal, the sixteenth century philosopher and mathematician, mentioned what we now often call the ‘God-shaped hole’ deep within each soul, crying out to be filled. “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words, by God himself.”

Even outside of religion you can see discussions of a need for spirituality in our lives. To be truly happy, your spiritual compartment needs to be filled. It is a vast chasm, yearning to be satisfied. Like a black hole, it consumes everything in its proximity into the unending void that is your soul’s deep core. This void can be filled by God, and God alone.

When I began recovering from my eating disorder, I was told by someone to realize that there is something greater than ourselves out there, and to relinquish my perception of control over that which I cannot control. I already believed in God and knew that I drew great comfort from knowing that He was more powerful and able to sustain me and satisfy the void inside, if I let Him. What I found remarkable was the concept I heard of choosing anything I wanted as a god, even a doorknob or any image I create, so long as I looked to it to draw strength. How could I esteem as greater than myself an object that I create? It made no sense. Either I believe that there is something greater than myself, or I do not. Either God already exists, or He does not. To believe I can create a god is to believe that I am a god. What do you believe? Are you confident that you trust your beliefs, your values, and that you can draw strength from them?

If you have yet to discover what can satisfy this yearning in your spiritual core, then consider how you are attempting to fill it. Even though I believed in God, I did not trust Him to fill my deep chasm in my heart, because I was attempting to do so through my eating disorder. To make your spiritual component happy, know what you believe and who you believe in. If you are unsure, begin a fervent search for truth today. Then, find a community of encouragement to support you in your spirituality. There are local churches of all sorts in most communities, with different styles of preaching and worship to suit your worldview. Find a way to fill your emptiness and nurture the longing inside you waiting to be filled.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you are motivated to make some specific changes today, and leave here a better you. You deserve the best!

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, balance, be yourself, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, people skills, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, work & career | 9 Comments »