A Better You Blog

Have you ever had to wait on a biopsy, or some medical test that carried potentially devastating news? I had two areas of my skin biopsied today, and now I must take my own advice and manage the stress of uncertainty. I thought it would be timely and healing for me to write about how I deal with uncertainty, especially while waiting to hear whether I have some form of cancer. As a wife and mother of three young children, my first reaction is fear. My natural instinct wants to give in to my old habit of worrying about what might be. I have learned, however, that life is better when I ride with the waves rather than swim against the current. So I choose to float along, keep my head above water, and wait out the storm. And I find I am remarkably at peace.

I have enjoyed my day: the sun on my face, the warmth of my husband’s touch, and the laughter of my children. Despite the physical pain of the biopsy and the emotional pain of uncertainty, I am in great spirits and excited to see what tomorrow brings. How is this possible? I discovered the way to be free of anxiety over what could be, and truly experience what is for now. I discovered intentional focus.

Rather than allowing my thoughts to wander, I direct them. While I used to constantly entertain visions of what if, I now only deal with what is. When you have to wait for answers to big questions, be careful not to act out the pain of uncertainty in destructive ways, or allow the fear to paralyze you. You may not be able to control the circumstance (such as why, in a major city with modern medicine, you are asked to wait up to a week for a simple lab result), but you can control your response to the situation (are you going to look back on the week and see a wasted part of your life?). I choose to experience the best of life this week.

To enjoy the best life has to offer is to be in the moment. Life has unyielding demands trying desperately to draw our attention away from each moment, and to be happy is to resist distraction from the moment. With determination I compartmentalize my stress and focus on life’s blessings. Here is how to deal with uncertainty in the waiting.

Express what you are feeling. Find a friend to talk with and share your news, your waiting story. It helps to have someone listen to you. Let them experience it with you, cry together, give you encouragement in the waiting, and pray for you to have peace over what you cannot control. Get a hug when you need it. Go out to a movie and have a good cry- a little displaced emotions can be refreshing during stressful times (if it is done in balance). Exercise and release some of the adrenaline (again, in moderation).

You may find it helps you focus and express it if you journal. While you may have an online blog or journal method, writing by hand engages both sides of your brain, the logical and the emotional. I recommend you first write by hand, to help you feel as you write. I notice this helps me as I write these articles, because I engage more with what I say, experience the emotions as I write, and feel a better me for having been there. Writing is healing. I find myself pouring extra attention to future articles for this site, and the writing is cathartic. Writing in a journal or an online blog can be healing, and writing to benefit others can be truly satisfying.

Focus on the needs of others. There is no substitute for the feeling of helping others, sharing from your own experiences, and knowing you are fulfilling God’s purpose for your life. At times of uncertainty and fear, this is a great distraction tool. Find a way to help someone. What you do can be big or small, as long as it is meaningful and thoughtful. Acts of kindness help refocus your attention off your own problems and onto the needs of others. In doing for others what you are able, you may learn new aspects of who you are, and you may stumble upon new ways to feel fulfilled.

Be productive. I used to react to fear and uncertainty in a destructive manner. Now, I turn the adrenaline and energy it brings into something productive. I notice during times of uncertainty I often get deep cleaning done. This week my closets and drawers are going to look wonderful, especially after a visit to The Container Store for organizing supplies. When stressed in the waiting, I will often find new and creative ways to have fun with my children, desire to be more spontaneous with my husband, and I will get more done on projects I am working on. When my mind wanders, I get busy. Do what you can for others and for yourself. Remember that no one knows how long life will be, and every moment counts- so do something great with the moments you have. You can always find something to worry about, trust me, I used to be an expert at worry. If you allow worry to overtake you, you will look back on your life with regret over what might have been, if you had only appreciated and focused the moments you had. Live so you will have no regrets. Live the life you want tomorrow, today.

Finally, sort it out. To ignore the “what ifs” of life, you need to focus only on what is. Only deal with what you know. I happen to be quite educated, knowing a bit of most subjects, so what little I know about a topic can do more harm than good. For me to sort it out, I need to know more. Knowledge is power, but sometimes partial facts are worse than no facts at all. Internet browsing has helped me deal in what is. I have discovered what it cannot be, and I have an understanding of what it could be. When the doctor calls, I will have a greater appreciation and gratitude for what it is not, or if the news is negative, I will understand the results and the technical terminology necessary to investigate further.

I need to emphasize that for most people, research in the waiting will make it worse. Know yourself. Weigh the concern derived from what you know about the problem against the fear investigating what it might be could bring. Without facts, there are too many possibilities that can detract from you enjoying your moments. There is also misinformation rampant on the internet, and you need to sort out what you are reading, check its source, and weigh it against medical experts. During emotional crisis, this is often too difficult, and people succumb to worry over confusion and possibilities. If it would do more harm than good for you to research, as many doctors suggest, just tell yourself that you will write down whatever medical terminology is uttered when you get the results, and leave the investigation until then.

One year ago I went through my first biopsy, and after the waiting was over, and I discovered it was not cancer, I realized I had accotwice as much as I would have otherwise. I learned I could do better, be more productive with my time everyday, not just during the uncertain times. I wonder what I will learn this week? I look forward to the lesson, as I wait for the storm to subside. Thank you for going along for the ride.

Patricia

update: My results show no cancer, and I am grateful.  I continue to pray for my many family and friends who fight courageously to defeat their cancers, and for you, if this is your fight too.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 5th, 2006 at 9:30 pm and is filed under attitude, balance, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.