Archive for November, 2006

How To Use A Sick Day To Change Your Life

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

Sick days are a part of life. You can allow yourself to be overwhelmed with frustration, berate yourself for everything you will not get done, and tense up every muscle as the minutes pass by. You can also use the day to refresh yourself, to relax your tired body, and to change your life. Your response to illness determines whether you will end the day drained and stressed, or invigorated and content. Here are ten ways to make a sick day successful and productive. How will your next sick day change your life?

1. Create a positive attitude. Did you know that positive emotional states and healthy stress management can boost your immunity? A study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison (Davidson 2004) suggests people who respond with positive emotions have specific brain activity generated by these feelings that increase immunity. Following up from others studies that show attitude can impact your health, this particular study wanted to know why. They measured antibodies created after receiving a flu vaccine and found an increase in the immune response for those who had a positive affective style. Respond to life positively and you will be healthier. How do you manage the stress of frustration or the unexpected? Be sure you have the skills to compartmentalize your feelings and put it all into perspective. When you are sick, you need to help your body fight. Be sure you win the battle in the mind.

You will be healthier if your mind thinks constructive and uplifting thoughts. When you are sick in bed is not the time to consider all the things you cannot do. Instead, make a deal with yourself to think only about what you CAN do.

As indispensable as you are to your obligations, give yourself permission to be human. This does not mean that you drop everything at the first sign of a sniffle, but do not be on the other extreme, conducting office work while being triaged at a hospital. Life is a careful balancing act. Live it with a passion that begins with a healthier attitude.

2. Give yourself a break. Your body needs rest when you are sick. Nurture it and get refreshed. Treat yourself to the softest tissue you can find for your sore nose. Get the most comfortable pillows and blankets, and find your favorite spot to curl up and rest. Allow others to care for you, and be thankful if you have loved ones around to help. Unplug yourself from the world. When you are really achy and needing rest, turn off your phones and other wireless devices. If you have to keep one on for emergencies, ignore it unless it is a true emergency (hint:  caller id).

3. Rearrange your priorities. Consider the list of worries or tasks swirling around in your head, and then do this mental exercise. If you were to die this very moment, what would still matter? Whatever is now unimportant can be put off until tomorrow. Stop thinking about it now. For those tasks that are still crucial for the day, delegate them immediately. Get the calls done early and then make a choice to forget about them. If you are concerned about the result, put people you trust in charge of overseeing everything you have delegated so that they can do the worrying. Now relax.

4. Fight it. Be determined to beat it as soon as possible. If you are unable to physically get up, you can still accomplish great things with your mind. Decide to make the day one of accomplishment. When you are hungry, instead of eating in bed, go sit where you usually eat. A change of room can also help bring a more positive perspective. After you start to feel a little rested, take a refreshing shower.

5. Use the time your body is resting to take a personal inventory. Are you happy with your life? Is anything bothering you? Are there any areas for personal growth and development? Are you effectively managing your stress and your time, or could you use some better coping skills for greater success? Is your life course on track? Choose three things, and decide to gather your courage and create a better you by facing them. Did you know that many consider burnout to be a gap between your expectations and your reward (Farber 1983)? What do you expect that is not fulfilled? As you begin feeling better, do something to take the first step. It may be saying some kind words to someone. It could be starting a journal to help you cope with life. You may want to read a good book, or browse the internet for research and practical tips. You may get the courage to start a business, apply for a new position, or go back to school.

6. Evaluate your spiritual life. Are you at peace with yourself in the alone times, or does the quiet cause unsettling feelings to surface? Are you confident in your beliefs about God and your relationship with Him, or is uncertainty creating discomfort? Pray, read the Bible, or just listen. Spend some of your relaxing day being comforted in your soul by the author of comfort. If you dismiss the existence of God in your life philosophy, use this time to consider if you are taking the imperfections of others and attributing them to God. He is not the author of your pain, but He is the one who can help you out of it. I respect you have the right to disagree with me that God exists, but be sure that you are confident in your conclusions.

7. Stay on track. Do not use your illness as an excuse to be derailed from your path in life. If you have been eating healthy, then keep doing it. Just because you can only eat crackers for a while does not mean you need to make up for all the lost meals once you feel like eating again. Once you are better, keep up with the commitments you made before. If you avoid refined sugars (as I do), then politely explain to the well-meaning friends who say you need Jello or Gatorade that you are doing just fine anyway. There is sugar-free Jello if you just have to have it, with all the chemicals that entails. If you abstain from alcohol, then do not take Nyquil (which has 10% alcohol). There are plenty of cold medicines available if natural remedies are not your preference.

I follow an eating plan which has helped me stay in recovery from my eating disorder for over 14 years now. It includes eating balanced foods about every 4-5 hours, and while there is flexibility and variety, I have a minimum and maximum I must eat for each setting. This frees me and helps me consciously avoid putting my emotions into food. When I am sick and unable to eat, that does not mean I am off my plan. I refuse to be derailed. Here is one trick I use that can help you know if you are attempting to veer off course. If I am only able to eat crackers at first, then so be it. But I find that when I start to feel better, I might think to myself “well, I am still sick, so I could go ahead and eat a whole package of crackers just because it would be comforting/relaxing/fun, and worry about balancing it later.” This is a red flag for me, and I immediately know that if I have to rationalize it, and use an emotive word (”comforting, …”), then I am well enough to eat better. I may not be ready to eat a salad, but I can surely add some other food groups to my meal. Besides, when sick, protein is great for helping the body regain energy.

What is it you rationalize after you have been sick? Are you thinking of quitting your exercise regime simply because you had to miss a day? Were you motivated while accomplishing some personal goal and are you now tempted to throw it aside? Fight to stay on track and keep going on your journey. You are worth it!

8. Start a new habit or break a bad one. Why wait for New Year’s resolutions? Use your sick day to start fresh. Have you considered the effects of your requisite coffee? Aside from the monetary cost of a delicious Starbuck’s fix, there is a physical cost. You have probably already experienced the caffeine withdrawal symptoms (low energy, headache, etc.) during your illness. Why go back? Move forward. Have you wanted to give up cigarettes, and find that your body rejected them while sick? Do not pick them up again for emotional reasons, but take advantage of your sick day and start a quitting plan. Have you wanted to start exercising or eating better? Use the time to create a plan for when you feel better. You may find that feeling so lousy creates some excitement for the prospect of feeling so good. Motivate yourself and choose at least one habit to break or begin. Then do it.

9. Dream. What would you do if you could change your life? Use your sick day, a day away from your typical routine, to consider your life course. Set goals and aim high. Think big. It is okay, no one will laugh. And no one will even know if you stay quiet. Consider telling someone your dreams, goals, and aspirations. You may find encouragements in surprising places. Then take action. Are you stuck with an extended illness? Consider how you can use the time to help others. The biggest cancer fundraisers began with one person considering what to do to influence the world. What about you?

10. Grow, create, and expand. Before your day is over, enrich your life. Learn something new. Watch a documentary or “how to” show on television. Read a book about a subject you do not know. Browse the internet to learn what you do not typically seek out. Evaluate your life purpose, your measure of success, and consider your sphere of influence. Create a post for your blog if you have one, or express yourself through whatever medium your talent allows. You can be very productive while your body rests. You can even change your life. Do it today.

Posted in attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management | 23 Comments »

How To Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

True gratefulness comes from a conscious decision to recognize your blessings, coupled with the emotional feelings that accompany a thankful heart. An ungrateful person can utter the words “thank you” in protest. A thankful person can hold their gratitude as a guarded secret, yearning to be shared. Grateful people not only count and take joy in their blessings, but they influence others with words and deeds by deliberately displaying their pleasure and appreciation to those who should receive it. Life is full of opportunities for giving thanks. Do you seek them out? Are you remembering to show appreciation to those closest to you? If you complain, you will find yourself with plenty of others to join in. If you live a positive, grateful, successful life, you will attract other positive, grateful, and successful people. Do not stifle your future by neglecting your attitude. Begin by developing your grateful spirit today.

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks…” Brian Tracy

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William A. Ward

“When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” Chinese Proverb

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” John F. Kennedy

Why should you have a good attitude, a positive mindset, in the form of an attitude of gratitude? The most altruistic reasons are for the betterment of humankind. Saying thank you helps others feel good. Another reason to develop an attitude of gratitude is that positive people attract each other. If you are a complainer, you can easily find others to “validate you” in your misery. But consider if you are seeking out those who agree and alienating those who do not. If you display a positive outlook, you will attract positive people. Positive and successful attitudes include at their core appreciation and gratitude. Develop yours.

One further reason is that research shows it is beneficial to your health (Mcollough, Emmons 2003). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude.  Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not.  In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.

“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.” Phil. 4:6 In this scripture, I believe we are shown this health effect. God does not just say “do not worry”, but gives a road map. Pray (give it to God and gain perspective), petition (count your blessings: list your needs so you feel heard), and give thanks (show an attitude of gratitude, in word or deed!).

“Just do it!”, made popular by a Nike shoes television commercial, is a great motivating slogan- but it is more complicated than that.. Make a head decision to be a positive and grateful person, to just do it. But then, take the necessary steps to get your emotions in line with your mind, so you can be authentically grateful. If you are only faking it, it will show. Have you ever wondered why you may have given a bad first impression to someone? Maybe you know they did not see the real you? Consider if it was your attitude. Even when you try to hide it, like a strong odor (or a beautiful fragrance), it seeps through in even the shortest of conversations.

For example, I know several who consider the speed-dating concept a great way to narrow down the possibilities. This is where you sit and talk with someone for usually just 5 minutes, and then a new person rotates in to talk with you. After everyone has met, each can decide who to get to know further. While it is impossible to know everything about someone in such a short period of time, it is easy to get a general idea of their attitude on life, and to judge whether you share a similar life philosophy or outlook. Notice I said judge, because people glean first impressions all the time. Is the impression you are imparting representative of the true you? Whether you know it or not, your attitude shows. So make yours a pleasant one.

Here is how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

1. Get perspective. Have you ever done much traveling? When you fly in an airplane and watch the ascent, you see how little your town really looks from above the clouds. For the nervous or new flyer, the worries of everyday life can melt away as the mind focuses on whether the flight will arrive without incident. After the landing, even the grumpiest individuals are often filled with gratitude for safety. It is all in perspective. You can choose to focus on what you do not have, or make a conscious effort to notice what you do have. If you cannot see it, get a new view.

“True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us, and not to tell Him what we have done for Him.” George R. Hendrick

I remember one Thanksgiving holiday when I was single and living alone in a new state. I helped serve meals to the homeless, and then returned to my apartment for the evening. I was used to a traditional celebration, which includes family and all the fixings. But not that year. In fact, I had forgotten to go to the grocery store so I planned on either eating out or shopping last minute for a dinner. The roads were too icy to drive a great distance, and living in a small town, I suddenly discovered every place was closed. I was glad they were all with their families, but the best I could do, due to my poor planning, was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I started to feel sorry for myself, but immediately remembered my determined stance. I turned it around, and felt thankfulness at my deepest core. I changed my perspective and realized that I needed to give thanks. I gave thanks to God for my dreams, hopes, and my overcoming attitude. I was thankful that I could afford a roof over my head, being sheltered from the cold. I was thankful for my memories of a warm traditional Thanksgiving, and for His peace that someday I would create that with my own family. I was thankful, most of all, for personal growth. I was still in pain, but I was healing. And I was grateful.

2. Count your blessings. Name them, list them, draw them, but count them. To truly feel gratitude as part of a lifestyle of a grateful heart, you have to acknowledge your blessings. “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” Eric Hoffer

A note for those healing from sudden tragedy or trauma. There is a grief process, and as it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. You need time to get over the shock and sadness, but do not let yourself get stuck in it. If a marathon runner were suddenly shot and bleeding from a life-threatening wound, would you talk at him and tell him just to smile and run faster? No, you would get him to a hospital to heal. He is still a great runner. You can develop an attitude of gratitude, and be truly grateful inside. But if you need a moment to heal, it is okay, you will run again later (and people will once again see your positive outlook that is temporarily obscured). Let God comfort you as you heal.

3. Give thanks- show your attitude in word or deed. “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William A. Ward

Recognizing the efforts of others helps them feel appreciated. It is interesting that we should want to help those we cherish the most feel the best, but in reality the reverse often happens. Many times, we neglect to thank those closest to us (especially when we see their actions as part of an expected role). Instead, we remember to thank casual acquaintances we see while running errands. Both are important. Give thanks to those who make your life easier during the day, but also express your gratitude to those you care about the most. I make it a point to thank my husband for doing things around the house, because I want him to know I appreciate him. I thank my children for being kind to each other and I notice that positive reinforcement is the greatest motivator, and a great example to them. I look for ways to share my gratitude, so here is one now:

I want to thank God for how my life has changed, and for showing me how to live happy, healthy, successful, and free. I also thank my husband and my three beautiful children, who mean the world to me, and continue to teach me about life and love. Finally, thank you to my friends, and to my readers, who encourage me, and allow me to fulfill my purpose and share my positive motivations to help create a better you.

Thankfully yours,

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, success, wealth & income, work & career | 14 Comments »

Nourishing Meme: Patricia’s Answers From A Better You Blog

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

I have received and responded to numerous emails with questions about me personally, and I am delighted to answer a few here in this post. I want to thank Ed Mills of Evolving Times, who called me a wonderful writer of personal growth, and has asked me to continue this nourishing meme by answering these 5 questions. I appreciate his supportive comments and his contribution to articles on the Law of Attraction. His website hosts the Law of Attraction Carnival, so check it out. Here are the questions and my responses:

1.  What is the most nourishing thing you frequently do for yourself?

I grew up close enough to drive to the beach whenever I wanted to feel God’s strength, and get re-fueled for the day. Now that I live farther away, I try to glean a bit of the energy and enthusiasm this awesome force of nature creates every day. The most nourishing thing I do is this quick two-minute activity that refreshes me every time. I do this when stuck in traffic, when outside with my children, or whenever.

I feel the sunshine on my face, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer of thanks for my family and my life, and then consciously look around for something to enjoy. It may be noticing the vivid colors of a beautiful flower, it could be appreciating the amazing things around me (instrumental or vocal talent, the precision of a brick layer, or even the bravery of workers on a high rise), and it sometimes is the pattern or movement of clouds on a windy day. I also try to include my children in this exercise. Yesterday, for example, I mentioned the birds flying in unison, and my son (who is in kindergarten) was fascinated by their flight pattern that changed in an instant (but was still perfectly formed). After this quick moment of refreshing, I remember what really matters, and can easily shake off any worries or stress that tries to build up.

2.  For your health, what will you never compromise on?

My eating plan. It has provided over 14 years of freedom from my eating disorder, and gives me flexibility and a range of options. I eat a balance of different food groups over the course of each day, and I eat every 4-5 hours to keep a level blood sugar. I also omit refined sugars (yes, that means sugary desserts too). I am not a great cook or baker, but I can now make a great banana bread with natural fructose from apple juice that is absolutely delicious.

3.  Where do you get most of your health information?

Being an academic, I tend to prefer scholarly articles first. I must admit, however, when faced with a sudden problem with one of my children, I quickly google a solution. I pay careful attention to the source, since there are many websites that can appear authentic but are filled with nothing more than subjective opinion. WebMD has some great information, but I am also interested in herbal remedies. I always remind people, however, that just because it is called an “herb” does not mean it is safe. Herbs have a variety of medicinal properties and can interact or cause problems with other medications or conditions, so do your research. I also refer to my own medical books for some answers (I own a modest collection).

4.  What single whole food or supplement has turned your health around the most?

Water- a whole liquid rather than whole food. One change I made as part of my healthy eating plan is to drink lots of water. I notice an incredible difference in my energy levels, my resistance to illness, and my overall health when I keep my body cleansed regularly with water. I will add that the avoidance of refined sugars has made an amazing difference too.

5.  What is your favorite natural therapy?

A soothing massage. I have had several professional massages in my life. They were wonderful. After a while, my husband realized how relaxed I get (and how much money I spent), and said he could give me massages himself. I still get professional massages whenever I want, but I prefer the massages he gives. I love that he spends so much time with me making every muscle relax, and that we can share it together with such intimacy. I love giving him a soothing massage too. It is great for a marriage- I encourage everyone to try it!

I would love to see this meme continue from anyone who wants to contribute an answer.  Leave a trackback here so we know where to go, or post a comment with your responses.  I also am interested specifically in Christine Kane’s answers.  I would also like to add two more questions: 

6.  What gives you the greatest inspiration? 

For me, my faith in God, my family, and a positive outlook.  I will triumph over any adversity, I am determined.

7.  How are you trying to make a difference in the world?  Or, what would people say at your funeral?

I hope that when I leave this life people will say they were better off for having known me.  I hope that I will have used the inspiration I gain from life to help inspire others to great things, and that I will have lived authentically and taken advantage of every moment.

Now, it is your turn…

Posted in balance, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, diet & health, eating disorders, family, marriage, personal development, recovery, relationships, spirituality | 4 Comments »

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

I am pleased to announce that comments are now on. I originally kept them off due to spam concerns, but for now, I think the community that comments bring is worth the risk. I have received so many insightful responses and questions through emails and trackbacks since the inception of this blog, and I would love for all readers to see some of the dialog that goes on about each post. So, comments are now on. Please share your insights on any post that moved you, expand on my thoughts, or just contribute your feedback. I look forward to hearing even more from you all.

Thank you again for your commentary, and I hope you leave here a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 1 Comment »

30 Things That Take 30 Seconds Each: Which Will You Do To Change The World?

Thursday, November 16th, 2006

Attitude is foundational to success. A generous person with a positive attitude will thrive. If you change your attitude, you change your perception, change your actions, and change your life. As every life changes, you change the world. Over at Lorelle On Wordpress she challenges bloggers to create a list of 30 things that can each be done in only 30 seconds. Imagine if millions or billions of people each did one of these- how would the world be different? In keeping with the theme of personal development, I have put together ways to improve yourself or others and create a better you in 30 seconds or less. Imagine if everyone did just a few of these at once? Here is my list.

1. Change your tone of voice. For 30 seconds, speak softer, calmer, or just more pleasantly. You might be surprised at the results. Did you know, for example, that a softer voice giving clear instructions commands more authority with children than a yell? If frustrated in a business dealing, try a more peaceful tone, even if only for 30 seconds, and see if it leads to a quicker resolution.

2. Choose one idea you gave up and re-visit it. For 30 seconds, consider giving it one more try. Was there an invention, a project, or some task that just seemed too daunting or frustrating? Choose one and decide to try it one more time. Imagine if everyone mustered up the courage to use their God-given ingenuity in whatever their giftings. What new things would the world see created?

3. For 30 seconds, give someone another chance. Listen for just one more time, re-evaluate a first impression, or give one more opportunity to see if they have changed. You may be surprised.

4. Tell your children “I love you” or “I am proud of you”. Make it meaningful, look them in the eye, and show how you value them. It will mean the world. Imagine if every parent said affirming words to every child, for 30 seconds, everyday.

5. The next time you find yourself wanting instant gratification, impatiently wanting something you cannot have at that moment, give thanks to God for what you already do have for 30 seconds. It may change your attitude.

6. For 30 seconds, stand up straighter and with your head held high. Look others in the eye and walk with confidence. See how great it feels?

7. Choose one thing you were putting off for another time that could be done today, and decide to do it! It only takes 30 seconds to make a decision to act. Be sure you value keeping your promise to yourself, and then know that this will lead to action.

8. Clean up someone else’s mess.

9. Compliment someone with a genuine comment on what you appreciate or respect about them.

10. Stand up for someone or something you believe in. A quick sentence of support can do wonders and expand your influence.

11. Find a way to authentically encourage someone in their efforts with a “you can do it!” comment. Believe in them and show it.

12. Invite someone over (or a group of someones) that you would like to get to know: set a specific time and day for a dinner together. The world could use more socializing. What about you? Take the initiative and make the invitation to a new friendship.

13. Give your spouse a physical sign of affection for 30 seconds in public. Brush your hand softly on her cheek, run your fingers through his hair, give a soft hug, a gentle squeeze of the hand, or a quick kiss. It is good for children to see their parents comfortable with quick displays of affection, and great for strengthening intimacy in marriage. Imagine how closeness might grow in marriages if every couple deliberately showed affection for 30 seconds? Better yet, do it several times a day.

14. Learn 1 new word (preferably from a different language than you already know) or learn a quick and wonderful fact about another culture or country.

15. Write a check for 10% of your monthly income and place it in the mailbox. Send it to your church, a charity, or a worthy cause, but give it away.

16. Pray every morning for 30 seconds to conquer your fear and courageously face all your opportunities, keep your mind open in setting goals and keep your attitude positive. Quickly judge your plan for the day against your priorities (be sure your choices fit with your focus- remember in business and for your family, time is one of your most valuable assets). After the 30 seconds, you may be inspired to make a change.

17. Ask someone “how are you doing?” and then be ready to truly listen.

18. Put $20 in an envelope (or $50 or $100), write “from anonymous”, and secretly (and quickly, to fit in 30 seconds) leave it with someone you know could use it. Doing good deeds without public recognition feels great.. Try it and see!

19. Do something quick for the environment: refuse food in styrofoam, tear apart those plastic things that go around cans and choke birds, or help an animal in distress break free, etc.

20. Choose a great breakfast (your best energy starts with a 30 second decision). Choose to eat no sugar and foods low in starch. Eat more protein and fruit. Start your day right to be more productive.

21. If you have been indoors, get out and feel the sunshine on your face for 30 seconds- it will elevate your mood quickly (if it is 100 degrees outside then feel the sunshine from a more comfortable temperature if possible).

22. Say yes to giving a charitable donation at your local merchant when asked (give one more time than you had planned to give).

23. Register to vote. Just fill out a 30 second card! As you follow this or any registration process of your country, determine to take advantage of the opportunity to vote when it comes, if you are able to do so.

24. Plant a seed (or plant a plant or tree if you have the skills to do so this quickly). Imagine if millions did this at once.

25. Turn off the lights in a room where you are not (turn off the water when not in use, etc.). Every 30 seconds matters.

26. Place a bag by your trash and put a recyclable item inside it. Congratulations, you have now started recycling!

27. Stop any bad habit in 30 seconds. Then keep repeating at 30 second intervals.

28. Seek out laughter and laugh for 30 seconds. Repeat as needed to release tension.

29. Drink water.

30. Imagine for 30 seconds being content with everything you have. Then imagine balancing contentment with striving to continue God’s purpose in you, take an attitude of perseverance, and determine to go for it!

Patricia

 

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, work & career | 17 Comments »

Personal Development Newsletter From A Better You Blog: Living Happy, Healthy, Successful, And Free

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

A Better You Blog is starting a Personal Development Newsletter to help readers create a better you. Topics include managing stress, success in business and life, and making the most of every moment.  It will provide information not available elsewhere, and will include tips, tricks, and advice on living happy, healthy, successful, and free. If you have benefited from the articles on this website, you will enjoy the newsletter content. It is easy to sign up! Just enter your email address at the newsletter invitation at the end of any page on this website.

I use an automated service so your email is secure, and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. The newsletter will be sent out approximately monthly, and will begin after a subscribing base is established.

I hate it when I subscribe to a newsletter and then my inbox is filled with junk, junk, and more annoying junk. A Better You Blog does not spam, will not send you repetitive or off-topic emails, and is focused on the quality of the content rather than the frequency of the message. My goal is that you find information and inspiration to leave here a better you.

Thank you for visiting! The newsletter sign up form is found below.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | No Comments »

How To Overcome Loneliness, During The Holidays Or Any Time

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Is loneliness robbing you of your joy, draining you of energy and enthusiasm, or sending you to despair? Fight your way back to confidence and contentment. It is not easy, but you can do it. To overcome loneliness takes courage. You must take risks and hold on to hope with determination to disperse the fog that has settled and clear the way to a better you. There is no instant fix. It requires deliberate intention to step out of the mist. It is a process, but there is always a way out. On the other side of loneliness comes deep satisfaction, a feeling of peace and belonging that fills every hollow part and fuels you with great joy.

Feeling lonely is a common emotion. What defines you is how you respond to it. Loneliness is forced solitude, isolation, or distance. It is the felt loss of a severed intimate bond, or the feeling of having no one to share in your daily experiences. Loneliness occurs from the traumatic death of a loved one. It arises out of a separation from the familiar with a move to a new city, a new job, or a new circle of friends. It seeps in when expectations are not met in relationships, such as after a marriage or the birth of a child. Solitude can be a peaceful and satisfying part of healthy living, but when forced upon someone this isolation can quickly turn into loneliness. This is why long durations of solitary confinement results in a form of torture. Even individuals surrounded by others can still feel lonely. No matter the cause of your darkness, you can triumph through it.

Holidays are a common time of loneliness for people. I remember the first year I found myself alone. After a life of warm family celebrations, I suddenly had no place to go. There was a cloud of numbing sadness over me for a while. I prayed for strength, volunteered to serve meals to the homeless to keep busy, and joined in the celebrations of others whenever possible. But I was lonely. The forced separation from what was familiar, traditional, and special to me, was very painful. It hurt to feel the isolation from what once was. But that is how life is. And the pain cannot just be ignored. It is a wound that needs dressing, so treat it. I do not believe in self-pity, nor wallowing in feelings of hopelessness. I do believe in facing what you feel, expressing it for true healing, and refusing to allow your pain to impede your progress.

If you look down at the pit you are in, then the pit is all you will see. If you look up to see a way out, then you can reach for the sky and muster the strength to climb out. When I reflect on holidays of long ago and the people who are missed, the loss of what was will always be. But the sadness that used to overwhelm the celebration now ceases to rob me of my joy. I am excited about the happiness in my children as they experience the lights and surprises of the season, and the warmth of the family and friends that my husband and I now embrace together. Life changes, and while the past may be missed, over time, and with intentional effort and focus, your future will live up to its potential. Here are 4 steps to get the most out of life and beat loneliness.

1. Recognize why you are lonely. To some this will be obvious. A tragic death, a violent trauma, a divorce, a change in environment. For others it may not be as evident, or there may be multiple contributors to your strife. Are you allowing the loneliness forced upon you to fester and grow into a deep chasm of isolation? Have you allowed the blows of life to lessen your self image? Insecurity can undermine your connections to others and intensify loneliness. Are you isolating further out of bitterness, anger, or resentment? Unforgiveness can stew deep inside and prevent you from moving on with healthy relationships (notice I said healthy relationships, because forgiveness does not mean to put yourself in danger again, if that is your situation).

Has your loneliness been prolonged? Maybe you experienced a sudden tragedy a while ago, but have not been able to move through any part of the pain. Does it still feel as though it just occurred? There is hope. Loneliness is often caused by a feeling that no one understands you, and that you are left to experience life alone. No matter your loss or circumstances, you are never alone. “…God … comforts the downcast…” 2 Corinthians 7:6 (NIV). I will always remember the way God refueled me in my quiet times, as I gathered strength to beat the loneliness, and grew to love my solitude. While no one will ever experience your same pain exactly, those who deal with life authentically and overcome tragedy with triumph know what it is like to move past debilitating pain and into a new excitement for living. These friends can help you too. Are you numbing out to fill the gap? You are not meant to stay stuck. Overcome the loneliness of your pain and replace it with an inner fulfillment and contentment.

2. Learn the effects of your loneliness. Identify any unhealthy ways you try to fill the emptiness and get determined to beat it. Some effects of loneliness include addictions, social withdrawal, and neglecting basic needs (eating, sleeping, exercise). Feeling self-conscious, angry, defensive, or having a critical attitude, feeling disconnected, reluctant to try new things, depression, and thoughts of suicide. There are even studies which show that loneliness contributes to higher blood pressure and greater risks of heart disease. Loneliness internalizes the stress of a painful change, and allows it to squash your once positive outlook. If you give in to despair, you give up. Fight. Beat loneliness. Do it today.

3. Replace the negative mindset. Target key perceptions, beliefs, and attitudes that are trapping you into the pit of loneliness, and replace them. Do you believe that you are not allowed to re-connect to the world without dishonoring the past? Are you afraid to take risks at intimacy because you might experience loss or rejection again? Is your attitude negative, critical, or self-defeating? Attitude is amazing. It can steer you towards success or veer you off your course. Each negative belief you replace is a rung on the ladder that will reach you and allow you to climb out of the pit and onto open air. Does the thought that life will never be the same send you into despair? Guess what, you are right, it will never be the same. That thought can either depress you, or propel you to action to create a better life. Life is full of wonderful opportunities and relationships waiting for you. Be determined to make the most of the moments you have now.

Work towards the point where you can embrace both the pleasure and sorrow of life as part of your time here. The pain does not just disappear, but it does not have to define you. Imagine if you were to suddenly die today. Who is closest to you, someone you love deeply? What if they were sent into the deepest despair and became smothered in sorrow? What would you tell them if given the chance? You would probably say to think of you fondly, remember the good times, and seize life. You would wish the best for them, and want your most beloved to live and love again. Can you do this for yourself?

Take risks. Life is worth it. Know that you have something to contribute to others; you do not need to be alone. At the same time, work to be content in solitude, and to embrace it. Do not allow your unmet need for intimacy to drive you to desperate choices. Your deepest hole will never be filled by another. You must be filled first in order to contribute to a healthy relationship. I grew up sharing a room, but at the end of college and before I got married, I lived alone for 6 years. This was after I had stopped my eating disordered behavior, so I had to experience the joys and the pains of life in a real way rather than numbing out from it. And I did it living alone, starting a new business, and moving to a new state.

I knew true solitude. I enjoyed the freedom it brought, the opportunity to learn more about myself each day, and the time I took in the quietness to get to know God better. But I also remember the eerie silence on cold winter nights, the emptiness of separation from everyday companionship, and the hollow numbness of being cut off from what used to be. I started out in loneliness, but I fought my way through it and emerged content and at peace with myself. I determined that I would not enter into a relationship out of a desperate need for intimacy, but that I would seek after exactly the person I knew God designed for me. I knew that I needed healing, and I purposed to use my times of loneliness to become better, healthier, and more confident in my identity. I realized that in order to truly love another, I needed first to learn how to love myself. God inspired me to take a chance and trust Him that I could make it, and I did.

4. Take action (for others and for yourself). Imagine your life 5 years from now. Can you see happiness, contentment, and fulfillment? Are your actions today driving you towards meeting your deepest needs of intimacy? Set goals and dream your dreams. Volunteer using your giftings and abilities. Help others who need help. This gets your focus off yourself and helps you gain perspective. Remember that everyone needs to beat loneliness at some point. Connect to a new group, or re-connect where you have been isolating. Join a church or other social group and get involved.

Spend quiet time with God, and learn to listen in the silence. Are you content with who you are and where you are headed? Create a better you today. Manage stress in a healthy way (journal, talk with friends, cry it out, work on a memorial project, etc.). Learn more about who you are to grow more confident in what you have to offer the world. God plans to do incredible things through you if you are willing. Read material and listen to what will encourage you in a healthy and positive outlook. Get a pet. When I lived alone I had a cat that met me at my door when I arrived, happy to see me. This “pet therapy” is often suggested to help beat loneliness.

Are you feeling neglected in your marriage? I know I used to expect my husband to know when something was bothering me, and I was hurt when he did not ask me about it. Now after over 9 years of marriage, I finally understand he cannot read my mind, and I create my own lonely moments if I expect him to do so. He is a great friend, when I give him the chance to be.

Are you feeling lonely because your relationship has changed due to the birth of a child? Take action and fix it. Open communication is crucial for a healthy marriage, so express your need to your spouse. Busy parents still need to make time to connect with each other. When was the last time you had a conversation about something other than your children?

Write a letter to yourself explaining the depths of your loneliness and your fears of conquering it. Or at the very least, write down one sentence of what makes you the loneliest. Then seal it, and hide it away. Set a date for 6 months from now, make a small notation on your calendar, and open it then. This is an exercise that can inspire you as you see how God leads you out of loneliness, how your circumstances change, and your perception changes as you go on your journey.

You can overcome loneliness. It is just a fog settled for a time, that you can meander through and beyond. Decide to take action, change your attitude, and take risks today.

Posted in balance, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, parenting, people skills, personal development, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success | 13 Comments »

4 Steps To Make It Happen, Every Time

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

What is your it? Do you want it? Are you determined? Will you dedicate your energy and focus towards it? You can achieve it. You can be an entrepreneur. You can skyrocket your business to success. You can complete the big project and meet the deadline. You can go back to school. You can teach yourself a new skill. You can develop and sustain a relationship with the person God has for you. You can live without regret. You can make it happen, and you can do it now, with these four steps.

#1: Define it: What is your it? What drives you, what is it you dream of achieving? Think big. What will keep you motivated? Do you want to start your own business and be your own boss? Do you want to switch careers? Are you seeking the love of your life? Are you striving to be a better person? Label your it. Now, be sure this is the it for you, for now. Are you ready for it? What if your dream happened, would you be ready to handle the success it brings? Be confident that God gives you the strength to accomplish the dreams He lays on your heart (…He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it… Philippians 1:6).

If it is the right dream for you, is this the right time for this it? For example, starting a new business. Income opportunities are wide open for entrepreneurs. In addition to finding a niche for your company offline, the internet provides the opportunity for people to earn a good living with relatively little investment. But it requires initiative, something to contribute to the world, and a person smart enough to understand (or learn about) business, the content, and the internet. Is that you? You also have to check the timing. Before you quit your day job, try it out on a small scale and see if your it has found a place.

#2: Detail it- Create a step by step action plan for success. Investigate other successes in your area of focus. Searching for the love of your life? Read books on relationships. Spell out what type of person you are seeking, and be the person that type of person would desire. Looking to improve in business? List out exactly what needs improvement and devise strategies for success in increments, monitoring your progress at regular intervals. Be specific with yourself, so you have clear and practical goals to accomplish each day.

#3: Do it- do it better, do it more, or do it differently, but never stop striving. If you find obstacles impeding your success, find a way around them: do it better. If you find you had difficulty in a relationship, learn from this experience, and learn how to do it better for the next time. If you stumble, get back up. If you lose a contract or client, or find you are fumbling deadlines, invest more energy into it: do it more. If you are finding brick walls with every attempt, seek out advice and change your strategy: do it differently.

If you are sure this is the right it for you and for now, then whether you do it better, do it more, or do it differently, never give up, just keep going and do it.

Do what you determine to create. Make it happen! Attitude is everything. You will never succeed without an “I can do it!” attitude. Exude confidence inside and out. Let your clients, business contacts, and others involved in your it see your expectations of achievement. Believe it and keep your focus.

#4: Do a different it- If you have truly put forth the effort, and it is not happening, then change your it. Some it is unfolding, so learn what that is, and refocus your energy towards that: do a different it. For example, only 1% of those who try to run their own business succeed. Are you in that 1%? You never know until you try, and you just might change your life. If you never try, you will never succeed. Either way, you will succeed in your it. Success means seeing past failures as stepping stones on your journey to the mountain peak of your it.

When I ran my business years ago, I started with a determination to make it work because I had to make it work. I had picked up and moved to a new state, and started from scratch. God had given me the skills, the opportunity, and the business smarts, and it was up to me to do the work. And I did. I treated my clients with respect, balanced professionalism with personality, and in a very competitive niche, I received more business than I could handle. I chose my own hours, referred work to others when I wanted time off, and received positive feedback from others in the business community. It was the right it, at the right time, and I followed through with the details and did it. I had a great attitude and I kept my focus on the it. I made it happen.

I am currently completing my dissertation for a Ph.D. degree. I am making it happen. But I had to do a different it than I first envisioned. I had originally intended to conduct my research under a large grant (very difficult to obtain, but I “think big”). I had dreams of using extremely advanced technology and spending years of work with expensive equipment. I received great feedback my first rejection, which indicated to fix a few minor details and I might get funded. I worked arduously on this task, and re-submitted. Despite these efforts, I discovered that I did not receive this grant. I had a choice. Try again for that it, or change my it.

With the six month delay the application process would cause, even with a different avenue for funding, I decided that my it is now to get it done, myself. I have refocused my work. I have scaled it down to a manageable yet still important piece of research, utilizing technology that is already available to me. And I am excited. I realize now that this is my it. I was never meant to receive the grant, but my work improved in my efforts towards it. God taught me about perseverance in the process, taking risks, and accepting rejection. And I am better for that, and more determined to succeed. While waiting to hear on the grant, I discovered the beauty of writing from my heart through this blog. I have found a way to express myself apart from my scholarly works, and to help others find a better you. I am now more determined than ever to complete my dissertation as soon in 2007 as possible, and devote more time to these articles. God is showing me my it, my passion, and His faithfulness in completing His purpose for my life. The grant was just a stepping stone towards encountering and achieving my it.

Attitude makes all the difference. Are you giving up, just hanging on, or excited about your future? Seek out your it, and make it happen! I continue to pray for my readers as I write to encourage and help you find your it. You can do it! You can succeed and make it happen! Why wait? Adjust your attitude with these four steps, and do it today.

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, motivation, personal development, productivity, relationships, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 13 Comments »