A Better You Blog

I am spending many late nights finishing my dissertation, and I find with so much serious concentration that I look forward to playing games with my children even more during the day. Coloring with chalk and playing hide and seek are great ways to distract me from the 300 pages of academic writing I am trying to complete. As I watch my children, I am encouraged to be the best parent I can by always trying to do better. You do not have to be a perfect parent, but be perfectly motivated to do your best parenting every day.  Parenting is a huge responsibility that does not come with much training, so here are some practical ways to be a better parent, one day and one decision at a time.

1. When you tackle a project, find a way to give your child some role in the task.

From preschool to the teenage years, children love to feel needed, and working together provides opportunity to talk and learn about how things function. My husband worked on cars with his dad since he could barely hold a hammer, and now my son does the same with his dad. Whether you are getting organized, mowing the lawn, creating a scrapbook, doing household chores, or building something on a computer, do it together. Even by simply giving your 4-year-old the socks to sort by color and fold, you are doing something great!

2. Think before you speak.

Automatically you are a better parent if you do this one. Words said in haste or impatience can leave a lasting impression on their hearts, like a footprint in cement. When you are emotional or tempted to react instead of respond, think. In most cases, waiting a few seconds or minutes to speak will only help the situation as tempers settle down on all sides.

3. Ask your children about their day, and listen with interest and support.

4. Find some genuine compliment or praise you can give them. Look for ways to reward kindness and responsibility every day.

5. Change your countenance when you make eye contact- smile!

They see you frustrated, now let them know they help add peace to the family. Knowing your day is brighter just by their presence gives them confidence and improved self-esteem.

6. Encourage talent and find one new thing to introduce to them and help to open up their world. One new skill, idea, location, career, and possibility. Do this often.

7. Next time you try to get your kids’ attention, instead of talking louder and louder, talk softer and softer.

You command more respect and attention with a stern voice than with a harsh yell. If they cannot hear you, get closer and calmly speak again.

8. Say NO, firmly but with compassion.

If you feel guilty, is it because there is no logical reason for your no (then fix this), or is it because you just feel bad for your child who is sad (and you need to go with your gut to protect them). Know you are a better parent and show your love by setting limits.

9. Say YES, and sacrifice when you had not intended to do so.

Do one more thing for your children that is extra special, even though you do not have to, and show them how important their happiness is to you. Then enjoy the reward of their excitement as you watch them smile.

10. Be consistent and transparent.

You know what consequences to expect if you are late to work, you do not pay your bills, or you commit a crime. If you are late to work you will not be thrown in jail for life. Do you ever remember feeling like your teacher or parent was administering too much punishment for the type of wrong deed? Be sure your children know what to expect, what to avoid, and can trust you to be fair and consistent in your discipline. Be sure they know you love them even if you do not love their actions, but that they still learn to take responsibility for their actions. Always be sure they are safe and not in fear of harm from your anger. Start communicating. Stick with a healthy plan, and administer it in love. As you do this, you are already a better parent. Keep it up and keep getting better.

11. Do something for yourself.

Yes, I mean you, the hard working parent who fills up the day with so much you wish you could have nap time yourself. For me, these articles help me express what is on my mind, and give me some time alone in quiet thought. What is your outlet? Take care of yourself and instantly be a better, happier, more refreshed parent.

12. Assume the best, not the worst.

Kids often feel like they are guilty until proven innocent. When they start to tell you something, before you become defensive or over-react, consider if you are only worried about your assumptions, not what they are actually saying. They will sense your distrust, and shy away from openness if it is unwarranted.

13. If trust has been broken in the past, give your child a clear roadmap to earn it back.

Children need to know you will forgive them and that it is possible to restore your confidence in them, or they may develop a “why bother” attitude. Give them a reason to get past their mistakes and turn them into strengthening lessons for a lifetime of successful living.

14. Let them see your strength in weakness- conquer your bad example.

Is there an area in your life that needs improvement? Children are perceptive, and will learn by your example if you fight to give up your bad habits. The best way to show them how to live successful and free is to live this way yourself. Everyone can strive to do better, to be better. Whether you have an addiction, you are just not taking care of your body, you procrastinate, or you need to work on your attitude during stressful times, every step you take to improve yourself will show your children that change is possible and life is full of possibilities.

15. Show up for the important times, and listen to know what these really are (do not just assume).

16. Take one more step today towards living what you believe and instantly be a better parent.

Share your faith and world view not just as something on paper, but by living it. Be who you say you are and lead by example. As a Christian, the best way I can encourage my children to embrace God and my beliefs is to show them how my relationship with God makes my everyday life better. They see how I really live, and learn more from what I do (and do not do) than what I say.

17. Eat one meal together every day as a family, away from the television and phone.

18. Children love routine, so add a new tradition.

I play checkers after school with my elementary school son. He looks forward to our time together, and I love to hear about his day as we play together. Last year I started a silly little saying when I picked up my children from preschool or school. I would get in the car, stop putting on my seatbelt, and turn to them each and say “Oh, look at that face, oh I missed you!” and reach back for a hug. This always got big smiles, and one day I forgot and started the engine and my 4-year-old said with a grin “Mommy, you forgot to look at my face!” You can add a night time routine, such as saying “I love you” or saying a prayer before going to sleep where you thank God for the thrill of your children (letting them hear your gratitude for their lives). Start a new tradition today.

19. Have a family fun time at least once a week.

Cut out something from your schedule if you have to, but find a way to play together. No criticism or work involved, just have a good time hanging together as a family.

20. Next time you wonder why your children react in a certain way, imagine the scenario through their perspective.

What would you want to see different to help lessen anxiety? Often children see adults impatient, angry, or annoyed with them. Trying to figure out why they feel as they do can help you know how to help them. Even if you cannot or will not change the circumstances, you might see how to help them better adapt to their discomfort.

21. Give your child a physical sign of affection every day.

A hug, pat on the back, or even a squeeze on the hand can show you care. Scientists show that physical affection from trusted loved ones helps reduce stress and elevate mood. Infants who are never held will die, and as you grow up you continue to receive comfort from touch.

22. When tempted to argue as adults in front of your child, stop. You just became a better parent.

It is healthy to work out minor differences in front of your kids and let them see how people solve problems, provided you are truly resolving the issues and not tearing each other down, but deeper disagreements need to be managed in private. Children of all ages internalize comments they hear, so talking about how something makes you feel can leave your child feeling responsible and taking on unnecessary stress.

23. Do not argue with your children.

You are the parent. Command respect by telling them you will gladly listen to their side, but there will be no argument.

24. Seek out humor, and laugh at the unexpected!

Are you so stressed out and tired that you almost cried just because you spilled your coke? Break the mood and laugh at how you let yourself get disproportionately frazzled. Your children will laugh too, and learn how to relieve stress. Find funny comic strips, and laugh at jokes your children tell you. Laughter is good for your body inside and out.

25. When your children approach you for attention, give it as soon as possible. 

Have a signal you can give that means just a minute, finish up your immediate task as quickly as possible, and then drop everything, look them in the eye, and give them five minutes. Whether they just want to tell you a joke, perform a puppet show, or vent about a problem with some friends, send them the message you are available and approachable, and you value your children. Let them know they are a priority.

26. Try something new and learn it together. Let your child become the teacher or help solve a problem.

27. Vary your activities and your environment. Encourage your children to go outdoors, to play indoors, and to do different things throughout the day.

28. Help your children attend to their own four core components to be happy, and lead by example yourself.

Live in balance, and help your children adjust their schedule if it is too busy or if they need to explore a new activity.

29. Read together every day, especially books about their interests.

30. Every child learns differently so discover your child’s learning style.  Encourage a love of learning, encourage dreams and goals, tell your children ”You can do it!” and believe it with them!

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 16th, 2007 at 2:40 am and is filed under attitude, be yourself, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, family, goals, humor, life philosophy, marriage, parenting, people skills, personal development, play, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.