Losing the weight was worth the adjustment. I chose to be healthy, and I had to be honest to get there.

When you are not honest with yourself, something just does not feel right. You may feel disconnected, frustrated, or apathetic, and you are not sure why. Maybe you avoid being honest about little things, hide from the reality of important matters, or maybe you even avoid the truth when your life depends on it. You may feel like you are just trying to get by, and wonder when life will be fun again. Inside you feel one way, but you ignore it, rationalize it away, or avoid accepting the truth. Figure out what is driving you to deny what is, get honest with yourself, and change your life today.

Here are four reasons we avoid being honest:

1. We resist being honest with ourselves because it hurts and seems overwhelming. These create defining moments when we must decide to conquer fear and trust God for strength to push through the pain and achieve the honesty we need.

When my eating disorder was draining me of strength and hope, I had to get honest with myself despite how painful or difficult it was to face my circumstances. Psalms 51:6 says “You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part you will make me know wisdom.” and John 8:32 says “You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” (NASB version of the Bible). I faced the truth and dealt with the pain of my past rather than continue to stuff it down and pretend it did not exist. I moved on, determined to succeed and to be defined by only the positive events in life. Now, I am 15 years free of that hold, and God reminds me to take care of myself as best I can. Now I live to be real, and to have what I feel be in line with my actions. If I have a chip on my shoulder about something, I deal with it, because that is a part of being honest. I need to be honest in both big and little things, no matter what.

When we are hurt, we naturally avoid dealing with the pain. Our bodies react to pain by sending a message to the nerve receptors to “numb out”. Eventually they adapt and we sense the pain, signaling it is time to fix the wound. We act this way emotionally too. We initially want to deny trauma or other events occur, but to grow and thrive, we need to face the pain at the right time and with the right help. Sometimes there are deep wounds that need healing. I have fought this battle, and no longer allow this pain to rule my life. It took time to process through, to understand I was not to blame, and to heal, but I did it, and you can too, whatever your hurt. A deeper cut needs more attention than a superficial scrape. Attend to your wounds. Be honest about where you are and move past your past.

2. We avoid the truth when we are embarrassed or ashamed of our mistakes, or misfortunes, and would rather pretend they do not exist. Without getting honest and taking responsibility for our goofs, whether tragic or just slightly embarrassing, we can allow even one event to steer our life off course. Big or small, we still need to face our circumstances.

One time in college I fell for a scam phone call that promised a free trip for just a nominal “shipping” fee. I delivered my money, with the promise my prize would arrive in the mail. When I later realized my mistake, I was so embarrassed. I was supposed to be smarter than that! I was convinced by the idea of something for nothing, and I allowed myself to see only what I wanted to see. It could have cost me my entire checking account balance, but I swallowed my pride and went to the bank. I stopped payment on the check in time, and the bank said I was lucky it was not too late, because this scam robbed so many of so much. I saw the looks of the bank officials as they saw another young lady duped. I almost did not go to the bank. I rationalized why I should not worry about it and that it was too late anyway, but I felt God tugging at my spirit and my conscious would not stop bothering me until I acted. I am so glad I did fix it, embarrassment and all. In this trivial life lesson, I learned to be more guarded with my trust.

3. We resist being honest because of what the truth says about us, and the fear it changes who we are. You are not your fears, but you define yourself by them when you give in to the lies trying to beat you down. Are you replaying an event over and over again in your mind? Stop it. Process the pain yourself, or go to a friend or counselor to get it out, but find a way to move on. If you are stuck in a loop you will keep going around in circles and miss the beauty of the terrain up ahead. Get back on track for your life journey.

When you think about who you are, if you find yourself too harsh, maybe you are not being honest with yourself about your abilities, your inner strength, and your endearing qualities. Do you treat yourself like dirt? Stop it. You are valuable, and you have something to offer the world. Find out who you are, be proud of your skills, and hold your head high. Being honest is not just about the challenges. You need to be honest about your strengths, too!

4. We resist being honest because it means we have to change, and with change comes sacrifice.

There is always a fix. Many times things will not be as they were, but there are often actions you can take, and things you can do to change the effects of an action, to forgive, to restore yourself, to heal. Find a way to be more honest and embrace the change it brings.

Be honest with your finances. Are you really cutting back when needed, or are you just stressed because you do not want to change the lifestyle you desire? Finances strain relationships, and how you spend your money shows what you value. Be honest with yourself and be aware of your choices.

Be honest with your relationships. Are you treating others right, and are you treated right? Where there is pain, get healing. Where there is tension, fight your way back to peace. Start by investing your time.

Be honest about your habits. Are you managing stress or robbing your life of precious years with self-destruction? Are you acting on life as it comes, responding to change, and adapting to accomplish your goals? Get honest, get hope, and change today. You can do it!

Be honest about your priorities. Your life affects others. You have something to offer, so seize it and work for it every day. Do your actions reflect your true priorities, or are you aimlessly wandering through life? Are you blaming others or your past for your inaction today? Get focused, get ready, and take action today.

Ginny’s courage fighting her illness taught me to look for the positive despite good or bad times, to fight for what is important, and to be honest with myself. Being honest is rewarding, healing, and energizing. Think of a time when you were honest with yourself and faced the difficult or uncomfortable. How can you be more honest with yourself now? Create a better you today. You can do it!

1. Identify the habit. Be specific. Do you want to lose weight? Know exactly how much you want to lose and in what time frame (ie. 30 pounds in 6 months). Do your research. For example, if you are trying to diet, find out what to reasonably expect. You can safely lose 1-2 pounds per week, so 30 pounds in 6 months is a reasonable goal, and easily achieved. Why is it easy? Because if you follow these steps, you are guaranteed success. No tricks, no gimmicks. It is up to you. Do you want it bad enough?

2. Desire to start or to break the habit. You need a real longing, a want that pushes you towards your goal. You have to be willing to give up the way life is now. It is the only way to spark real change. If you are happy with life as it is, you will not succeed in change. Are you trying to change only because others tell you that you should? This is not enough of a motivator. Instead, ask them why. Are you denying the effects of your habit (or lack of habit) on your life? Listen to your loved ones, let it get to you, and inspire your desire for change. List what you will miss if you do not begin this new habit, or what you will gain if you give up an old habit. To succeed, you have to know why you want to change it. Do you really want your goal? If so, you will. If not, you will not. If you plan to succeed, you will. “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” (Possibly an “old army adage” according to armytimes.com, but if anyone knows who first said this quote, please enlighten us in the comments and include your reliable source- I love accurate citations, but this one is over-used and under-cited).

3. Learn why you do it (or why not). What do you get out of how things are now? Figure out what need it fills (so you can fill it a different way). Is your habit a coping mechanism, helping you relieve stress or numb out from life’s pain? You can choose to manage stress in a healthy way, and find true happiness by making a healthy change. Is your habit a conditioned reaction to events, done for immediate gratification in times of sadness or frustration? You can change your pattern, learn to respond rather than react, and create a healthy substitute. Are you running from the pain of your past, and just getting by? If so, the thought of losing this habit probably scares you. You can do it. Do you want to start a new habit? What will you have to give up? If you want to start an exercise regime, for example, find wasted time during the day that you can make productive through this new habit. Instead of watching a television show, exercise. Why have you not started (and stayed with) this habit before? Do you believe you are too lazy (do you need to change your thinking)?

If you need perspective, talk with a friend. Whatever pain is driving you, it may take effort, but get through it and re-direct it. If you have serious trauma or unresolved pain, you may need to talk with someone to get past it. This is not “navel-gazing”. Healing from tragedy and trauma take time, but you must change your reaction to the pain to get better. If you are hurt from a fire and douse yourself with the first liquid available, which happens to be oil, the fire will only get worse! You have to get to water (or even better a fire extinguisher)! Life works this way too. You must change your habit to heal. What message does your current lifestyle send to you and how does it reinforce the negative?

4. Replace negative messages with positive ones. The moment you either give up or begin a new habit, you have changed.  Remind yourself of that.  Say “I am now losing weight, I have quit smoking, I am now a more assertive person…” or whatever fits with your goal.  This can be liberating if you truly believe you have changed.  Do not go back.  You need a new life slogan, one that says “you can do it”! If you do not believe you can, you cannot. Do you believe you have a destination? is your life’s train going anywhere? Replace the old messages with new ones. Love yourself, hate the habit, forgive yourself as God forgives you. You are a worthwhile person. This is hard for many to do. Get help from friends, positive quotes from the internet, or inspirational Bible verses to remind you of the truth of your unique and amazing life purpose. If you can, post affirmations where you will see them. The belief you can succeed is essential for success.

5. Get specific: plan for success. You need details to succeed. To start an exercise plan, decide exactly what days and times you will work out. Do you need to purchase any equipment or join a gym? do you need childcare? Plan ahead for an entire week, and be sure you are not exercising more than what is healthy for you (check with your doctor if needed). To stop smoking, have a detailed plan. Research over-the-counter items you may need. Use the internet to find support groups or materials to read. To lose weight, be careful not to pick an unhealthy plan. Some fad diets will take lots of your money and mess up your metabolism. If you are promised to lose a huge amount of weight in a short period of time, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. These programs will take your money and after you quickly lose a few pounds, you quickly gain back more than you had before you started. Choose a healthy well-balanced eating plan and write out your meals and grocery list for one week. What details do you need to figure out for the first week of your new life?

6. Take responsibility. If you think you are stuck this way, you will be. You can be the person you want to be, but it is up to you. These ten steps will guarantee your success, but only you can guarantee that you will follow these ten steps. Regardless of why you have had or avoided this habit, you have the control. Whether you just need a note on the fridge as a reminder to have a positive attitude, or you need a friend you can call every morning with the details of your plan, or even if you need some hospitalization or medication, it is still your choice to succeed. It is your life. Make a contract with yourself to live it differently today.

Ivan Petrovich Pavlov, a Russian scientist and Nobel Prize winner from the early 1900’s, is responsible for the famous “Pavlov’s dog” experiment (nobelprize.org, wikipedia). This is often used in conversation to refer to someone who is not using critical thinking but rather just impulsively reacts to situations. In the experiments, Pavlov noticed dogs salivating in response to food. He then altered this response by using various techniques, including whistles, tuning forks, and certain visual stimuli (interestingly enough, while legend says a bell was used, there is actually no evidence of this, and no bell was ever found in his laboratory). After the dog heard a sound and saw the food together, he eventually only heard the sound, but still salivated. This process of training worked to establish a pattern reaction, and to stop a pattern reaction. Your body works in much the same way. Change your conditioning, and you will change your habit. Stop allowing conditioned reflexes to establish your reaction. Become conscious of your actions and your reactions, and respond rather than react. Choose your behavior by choosing what rewards and consequences are coupled with it.

7. Reinforce your behavior. What are the rewards for doing or stopping your habit? What are the consequences you will set? This is part of the re-conditioning in Pavlov’s dog’s response. Change your reward system. Condition yourself to success and you will succeed. You get up in the morning and earn your money, right? What makes you get up and get going? You do not want the electricity turned off, and you want to keep a roof over your head and gas in your car. You need the same system of reward/consequence to start or stop a habit. If you lose weight or quit smoking, put the money you would have spent on junk food or cigarettes into a jar every day, and give yourself a reward every week. Start a savings account and watch the numbers grow. Buy a new dress, go to a movie, or do something else fun (and non-destructive).

Aside from breaking a contract with yourself, which should be severe if you value your word, what tangible consequence can you create? Do not be cruel or mean to yourself. Be confident, but firm. For example, Is there a fun event you want to attend? Make your habit (to lose it or do it) a condition of the event. Be sure this is not something like your child’s play (that would hurt your child), but something you really look forward to, such as a concert, a date out without the kids, or a night out with your friends. If you have the prize in sight, it will help you stay focused. Remember what you could lose.

8. Accountability and support system. Set it up, period. No excuses. Find a friend, get a sponsor, find a support group (there are groups to deal with grief, addiction, and more). Cut out sabotage. Get encouraged by stories of those who have made it. Whether in person, on the phone, or through the internet, be accountable. Pray. In your quiet times with God, commit to your decision and draw strength in your prayer time. Have a plan of action to prevent failure.

9. Have a plan to fall back on, before you quit, so you never will. This is a key component. You need to commit in the contract with yourself, to follow your fall back plan before you quit. Have a list of Bible verses to read to give you strength and go somewhere private to read them (the bathroom will do). Have some positive affirmations written out and read them to yourself slowly, until the panic or impulse to fail lessens. If the pressure to quit continues, have a list of people to call and talk out what you are thinking. Do not rationalize yourself to failure. Come back here and read this again, and remind yourself: you can do it!

Actively tell yourself new messages to change the old messages. If you are trying to lose weight and feel like you are going to die, for example, what is the truth? Are you confident you are following a doctor-recommended plan? If you have followed #5 above, then you can say yes. Re-interpret your hunger. If your body is hungry, you will still survive until the next meal. But consider if you are just emotionally hungry: are you angry, lonely, or tired? Find ways to fill this instead of using food.

Draw your line early, to maximize success. If you are an alcoholic who stopped drinking, do not allow yourself into bars. When you hit the worst stress and if you find yourself inside a bar, this is a warning flag. You have crossed a line that puts you into the danger zone. You are in the danger zone but you have not relapsed yet. Allow yourself a danger zone, and define it early. Try to never enter it. Consider this zone your last resort, and be sure it is something that will not do harm to yourself or others. Is your temper out of control? There is no excuse for taking it out on others (or yourself). Get it in control. Your danger zone should be early, when you feel your anger rise up. Whatever this is for you, your warning should be to leave the situation. Do it immediately, and follow your fall back plan to calm down. Try to never enter the danger zone, but have one nevertheless.

When you are tempted to fail, count to ten, breathe, and then follow your fall back plan. Make it long enough to include at least ten minutes of activity. If after ten minutes you are still on the edge of reverting to the old you, then start the fall back plan again. Repeat until your temptation moment has passed. Too many people say that “relapse is a part of recovery”. This is just an excuse to keep starting over, and never be truly free. Do not condemn yourself if you have failed before. You simply did not have the tools or the resolve. But you can do it now. You can follow these ten steps and this time, it will be different. Do not believe that you are inherently flawed and incapable of real change. You are as capable as anyone, and only you can change your life. Do it now, and do it for good. What danger zone and plan of action do you need to have? Set it up.

10. Make room for grief moments. Whether your change in habit feels so wonderful that it only takes a few minutes, or you are taking it a moment at a time, you will still find yourself needing to grieve. The first 20-30 days of a new habit (or the cessation of an old one) are critical for success. One reason is that you are still grieving as you change. So grieve. If it was a significant addiction, you may still find yourself grieving after a year. Grieve over what it has cost you, grieve over how you have hurt yourself and others, and grieve over what you are losing (a fast way to numb out and live in self-pity). It may sound odd to outsiders, but when you have truly made a significant change in your life, there are moments when the old ways may be missed.

Sometimes it comes when you have failed, and you wish for the old way of blaming it on your habit rather than an idea you had. Is your habit (or lack of a habit) an excuse to believe you are a failure, and never try to succeed? Are you using your habit to feel safer? To insulate you from criticism? For example, in business, some have a habit of blaming others for everything, and abdicate talent and ability by refusing to lead, therefore never bearing the blame. Step up and risk failure: it is the only way to create success.

Are you ready for change? Do it today.

Patricia

When you are paid a compliment, receive it.

When you receive an award, display it. Allow accolades to increase your confidence. You earned it!

When someone smiles, smile back. Enjoy the kindness of strangers.

If a friend listens to you, or shows you kindness, embrace it.

When you feel the familiar affection of a loved one, savor it, and appreciate it.

If someone takes a risk on you, recognize it.

If someone is vulnerable and asks for help, attend to it as you are led.

Create random acts of kindness to others. Let their happiness get to you.

When you realize you are now responsible for a life, let it get to you and inspire you.

When you hear the words “daddy” or “mommy”, or feel the unconditional love of a child you are nurturing, let it melt you.

Take a risk and let your dreams get to you. Is there a business idea you keep trying to suppress due to fear? Research it, and if it is solid, go for it. Is there someone you are afraid to ask out? Stop living in the “what if” and give it a try. Create. Strive. Be a better you.

Allow small romantic gestures to rekindle your relationship. A romantic marriage takes effort. Do you remember how even a simple hug used to feel amazing? Awaken that again.

Take a chance on someone. Let it get to you. Trust again.

When you are turned down, let it motivate you. Be determined to succeed. Rejection only means one road is closed and you are that much closer to finding the right path. Rejection has no bearing on your identity. Did you hear a harsh word from someone critical? Get over yourself. So you are not perfect. No one is. Not even the person who points out your flaws. Move on. Your purpose in life is too important to allow others to impede it.

When you realize your frustration is based on your life’s baggage from the past, let it get to you and inspire you to unpack it. Get past your past and take a chance in life again. The good and the bad await. If your life has been mostly up hill, then anticipate the wonderful coasting the hard-earned downhill will bring. It will get better. Believe.

Believe in what you cannot see. Is God speaking to you? Take a risk and listen. If God is truly God (and I believe He is), then that voice calling to you will only grow louder until you listen to it. Allow God to inspire you to stretch, to learn, and to conquer fear.

Volunteer. Whether your money, your time, your inspiration, or your encouragement, make your impact beneficial to others.

Give more than just once a year, develop a lifestyle of giving (whatever that means for you).

Listen attentively to difficult stories, and consider whether you should act.

Determine to live life happy, healthy, successful, and free. Let it get to you today. You can do it!

Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season,

Patricia

This does not mean your feelings disappear. It means you face them. It is not easy. But you can do it! You may not be able to control the circumstances around you, but you can control your attitude, your thoughts, and your stance as you face life. Are you determined to make it and beat the blues? To know how to fight your way out, you must figure out what you are facing. Here is an exercise to sort out what feelings are stirring underneath, and to face them to beat the blues.

Sometimes you just feel down. Loneliness, sadness, and unrealistic expectations can trigger feelings of inadequacy and a sense of despair. Are you comparing yourself to others or to an impossible standard you created? Are you allowing unexpected circumstances or changes to derail your life journey? You can find bits of pleasure through the pain. You can get out of the pit and find true happiness.

You still have to grieve, but you can lessen tragedy’s impact on your life by taking care of yourself. First be sure you just have the blues, and not true depression. If you are not sure, check with an authority on the subject. There are sometimes chemical imbalances that need a doctor’s care, and you might need to have a professional help you regularly address your depression to get through it. Next, be sure you are caring for your basic needs. How are you managing stress? Do you have a regular sleep pattern? Are you eating to give yourself energy rather than run you down to fatigue? Finally, are you ready to be happy again? If you are determined to be down, you will be. You need to be at your best to fulfill the life purpose God has given you. Are you ready? Whether you are depressed or just feeling the blues, your attitude and thought life will play an important role in feeling better. This exercise can show you how to fight it, to face it, and to beat the blues.

In the 1960’s, The Byrds had a famous song entitled “Turn! Turn! Turn!” based on Ecclesiastes chapter 3 of the Bible which begins “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…”. This exercise uses the lines of chapter 3 as a blueprint to understand the seasons of life. See where you are now by how you interpret each line. Your answers, if you are honest, will help you understand the strongest currents in your life at this time. Notice which lines stir up the strongest emotions, and promise to give yourself time to sort them out.

When you are saddened by something, you may feel guilty for not enjoying the happiness of others as you would like. While you still congratulate others and act courteous at gatherings, you do not need to be fake. It is important to allow time alone to process your own feelings. This may involve writing in a journal, talking to a friend, time in prayer, reading, crying, or taking some action to resolve the matter. If you are motivated to act, allow the emotional dust to settle first, to ensure you are confident of your decision. Then create a better you.

To everything there is a season,
and a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
and a time to die;

What images do you see? Are some harder to think about than others? I remember the sadness I felt while my husband and I tried desperately to overcome infertility, and I still feel the joy at our answers to prayer at the births of each of our three children. I also think of a loved one I miss.

Have you noticed that the news seems filled with more tragedy around the holidays? A two-year-old dies suddenly. Parents killed. Woman attacked. While the news media may increase their focus on these stories at that time, I suggest it is also our heightened sensitivity to everything we value. This also happens when you are grieving a tragic loss. When the feelings are raw and you have not had time to heal, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by reminders of what you have lost (or what you never had). How can you further your healing today? Is there a place for your grief in your life? If you do not make a place to express it, it expresses itself somehow, usually helping you to overreact to circumstances. What fear can you conquer today? Are you plagued with worry that your loved ones may die suddenly and outside of anyone’s control? Change your thoughts today. Focus on the time you have, however long. Life is too precious to spend one more minute wondering ‘what if’. Instead, think only on what is.

A time to plant,
and a time to pluck what is planted;

How have you sown the seeds for your future? Persistence, patience, and endurance will help you achieve your goals. What are you planting? Is it time to reap the harvest? The original Hebrew word translated as ‘pluck’ here indicates to tear it out by the roots. Are there any weeds you need to remove by the roots, so they do not take hold in your life again?

A time to kill,
and a time to heal;
a time to break down,
and a time to build up;

What is festering inside you that you need to destroy? This sense of ‘kill’ means to smite, to slay, or to destroy. Where do you need to heal? This Hebrew word means to mend by stitching, to repair, to thoroughly make whole. Notice that it is an active process. You are not just healed by time. What steps can you take today to heal any wounds? What in your life do you need to break down or to build up?

There was a time in my life when I criticized myself, playing the tapes in my head of all the negatives I had internalized from myself and others over the years. I finally determined to stop tearing myself down. I deliberately broke down the hurtful messages from the past and replaced them with truth. How can you build yourself up today?

A time to weep,
and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn,
And a time to dance;

Life is full of emotions. When I gave up my eating disorder, I determined to live without numbing out. I replaced the addiction with healthy habits, and now I intentionally experience life, the good and the bad. Is it time to weep or to mourn for you? Can you find more ways to laugh or to dance, to celebrate life?

A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones;

Are you creating stairs with your life steps, stones that lead to success? Is there anything you are building that is leading where you do not want to go? Cast away those stones and change your course. Gather your courage to follow God’s purpose for you, and it will lead to peace. Do you want to start a new business, go back to school, or change careers?

A time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing;

Is there someone you need to comfort? Do you need comforting? Is there a relationship you need to sever? Is there a relationship you are afraid to start but feel you should? Take courage and act in confidence.

A time to get,
and a time to lose;
A time to keep,
and a time to throw away;

A time to strive after, to seek for, and to search out something, especially through prayer. Are you attending to your spiritual component? Is there something unsettled within you? Are you struggling with your understanding about God, or are you sensing a new direction for your life? There is a time to seek after answers. What do you need to get in your life? What do you need to lose or to wander away from? Do you need to sort your life and priorities? What do you need to keep, and what should be thrown away?

A time to tear,
and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
and a time to speak;

What hinderances need to be ripped or torn from your life, and what needs to be sewn together or mended?  Do you need to speak up about something, or keep quiet even though you wish to get involved?  Use discipline and be the best you possible. 

At a time when families gather, there are often years of hurt feelings under the surface. People are not perfect. You often hurt those you feel most comfortable around. Do you need to give an apology to someone? Do you need to forgive? Depending on the severity of the act, you can give someone another chance, or stay guarded immediately. But you forgive. Forgiveness does not mean you condone the act, nor that you forget. Trust has to be earned back. But forgiveness means you no longer allow the offender to control you, and you rise above their mistake. When you forgive, the memory of the past event will lessen its impact on your current emotions. Forgiveness improves your health as your stress level decreases.

A time to love,
and a time to hate;
a time of war,
and a time of peace.

This term for love can mean sexual or friendship love. Are there affections you need to grow in your marriage? Do you need to give more attention to your children?  Are there friendships you need to nurture? Is there any part of your life you need to hate? Where are you at war, and where are you needing peace?

I used to love my eating disorder. It was killing me, but I used it to cope. I needed to hate it, and I finally went to war. I took a chance that God really did have a plan for me. I dared to believe that I had something special to contribute to the world, that I could accomplish the goals I desired and that I was worth the effort. I now have peace. This word for peace can be translated as a sense of safety, a feeling of wellness, a happiness. Do you need more health, more prosperity, more peace?

Do not compare yourself to how you think you should feel.  Rather, check if you are progressing forward from where you were, healing through it, not trying to go around it.  Where are you stirred up today? Do you have the big picture of your life at this moment? Make a determination to change your thoughts that are defeating you, to bravely face your fears and challenges, and by getting excited about your future and taking action on your present, to beat the blues. You will be a better you.

Patricia

1. Create a positive attitude. Did you know that positive emotional states and healthy stress management can boost your immunity? A study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison (Davidson 2004) suggests people who respond with positive emotions have specific brain activity generated by these feelings that increase immunity. Following up from others studies that show attitude can impact your health, this particular study wanted to know why. They measured antibodies created after receiving a flu vaccine and found an increase in the immune response for those who had a positive affective style. Respond to life positively and you will be healthier. How do you manage the stress of frustration or the unexpected? Be sure you have the skills to compartmentalize your feelings and put it all into perspective. When you are sick, you need to help your body fight. Be sure you win the battle in the mind.

You will be healthier if your mind thinks constructive and uplifting thoughts. When you are sick in bed is not the time to consider all the things you cannot do. Instead, make a deal with yourself to think only about what you CAN do.

As indispensable as you are to your obligations, give yourself permission to be human. This does not mean that you drop everything at the first sign of a sniffle, but do not be on the other extreme, conducting office work while being triaged at a hospital. Life is a careful balancing act. Live it with a passion that begins with a healthier attitude.

2. Give yourself a break. Your body needs rest when you are sick. Nurture it and get refreshed. Treat yourself to the softest tissue you can find for your sore nose. Get the most comfortable pillows and blankets, and find your favorite spot to curl up and rest. Allow others to care for you, and be thankful if you have loved ones around to help. Unplug yourself from the world. When you are really achy and needing rest, turn off your phones and other wireless devices. If you have to keep one on for emergencies, ignore it unless it is a true emergency (hint:  caller id).

3. Rearrange your priorities. Consider the list of worries or tasks swirling around in your head, and then do this mental exercise. If you were to die this very moment, what would still matter? Whatever is now unimportant can be put off until tomorrow. Stop thinking about it now. For those tasks that are still crucial for the day, delegate them immediately. Get the calls done early and then make a choice to forget about them. If you are concerned about the result, put people you trust in charge of overseeing everything you have delegated so that they can do the worrying. Now relax.

4. Fight it. Be determined to beat it as soon as possible. If you are unable to physically get up, you can still accomplish great things with your mind. Decide to make the day one of accomplishment. When you are hungry, instead of eating in bed, go sit where you usually eat. A change of room can also help bring a more positive perspective. After you start to feel a little rested, take a refreshing shower.

5. Use the time your body is resting to take a personal inventory. Are you happy with your life? Is anything bothering you? Are there any areas for personal growth and development? Are you effectively managing your stress and your time, or could you use some better coping skills for greater success? Is your life course on track? Choose three things, and decide to gather your courage and create a better you by facing them. Did you know that many consider burnout to be a gap between your expectations and your reward (Farber 1983)? What do you expect that is not fulfilled? As you begin feeling better, do something to take the first step. It may be saying some kind words to someone. It could be starting a journal to help you cope with life. You may want to read a good book, or browse the internet for research and practical tips. You may get the courage to start a business, apply for a new position, or go back to school.

6. Evaluate your spiritual life. Are you at peace with yourself in the alone times, or does the quiet cause unsettling feelings to surface? Are you confident in your beliefs about God and your relationship with Him, or is uncertainty creating discomfort? Pray, read the Bible, or just listen. Spend some of your relaxing day being comforted in your soul by the author of comfort. If you dismiss the existence of God in your life philosophy, use this time to consider if you are taking the imperfections of others and attributing them to God. He is not the author of your pain, but He is the one who can help you out of it. I respect you have the right to disagree with me that God exists, but be sure that you are confident in your conclusions.

7. Stay on track. Do not use your illness as an excuse to be derailed from your path in life. If you have been eating healthy, then keep doing it. Just because you can only eat crackers for a while does not mean you need to make up for all the lost meals once you feel like eating again. Once you are better, keep up with the commitments you made before. If you avoid refined sugars (as I do), then politely explain to the well-meaning friends who say you need Jello or Gatorade that you are doing just fine anyway. There is sugar-free Jello if you just have to have it, with all the chemicals that entails. If you abstain from alcohol, then do not take Nyquil (which has 10% alcohol). There are plenty of cold medicines available if natural remedies are not your preference.

I follow an eating plan which has helped me stay in recovery from my eating disorder for over 14 years now. It includes eating balanced foods about every 4-5 hours, and while there is flexibility and variety, I have a minimum and maximum I must eat for each setting. This frees me and helps me consciously avoid putting my emotions into food. When I am sick and unable to eat, that does not mean I am off my plan. I refuse to be derailed. Here is one trick I use that can help you know if you are attempting to veer off course. If I am only able to eat crackers at first, then so be it. But I find that when I start to feel better, I might think to myself “well, I am still sick, so I could go ahead and eat a whole package of crackers just because it would be comforting/relaxing/fun, and worry about balancing it later.” This is a red flag for me, and I immediately know that if I have to rationalize it, and use an emotive word (“comforting, …”), then I am well enough to eat better. I may not be ready to eat a salad, but I can surely add some other food groups to my meal. Besides, when sick, protein is great for helping the body regain energy.

What is it you rationalize after you have been sick? Are you thinking of quitting your exercise regime simply because you had to miss a day? Were you motivated while accomplishing some personal goal and are you now tempted to throw it aside? Fight to stay on track and keep going on your journey. You are worth it!

8. Start a new habit or break a bad one. Why wait for New Year’s resolutions? Use your sick day to start fresh. Have you considered the effects of your requisite coffee? Aside from the monetary cost of a delicious Starbuck’s fix, there is a physical cost. You have probably already experienced the caffeine withdrawal symptoms (low energy, headache, etc.) during your illness. Why go back? Move forward. Have you wanted to give up cigarettes, and find that your body rejected them while sick? Do not pick them up again for emotional reasons, but take advantage of your sick day and start a quitting plan. Have you wanted to start exercising or eating better? Use the time to create a plan for when you feel better. You may find that feeling so lousy creates some excitement for the prospect of feeling so good. Motivate yourself and choose at least one habit to break or begin. Then do it.

9. Dream. What would you do if you could change your life? Use your sick day, a day away from your typical routine, to consider your life course. Set goals and aim high. Think big. It is okay, no one will laugh. And no one will even know if you stay quiet. Consider telling someone your dreams, goals, and aspirations. You may find encouragements in surprising places. Then take action. Are you stuck with an extended illness? Consider how you can use the time to help others. The biggest cancer fundraisers began with one person considering what to do to influence the world. What about you?

10. Grow, create, and expand. Before your day is over, enrich your life. Learn something new. Watch a documentary or “how to” show on television. Read a book about a subject you do not know. Browse the internet to learn what you do not typically seek out. Evaluate your life purpose, your measure of success, and consider your sphere of influence. Create a post for your blog if you have one, or express yourself through whatever medium your talent allows. You can be very productive while your body rests. You can even change your life. Do it today.

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks…” Brian Tracy

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William A. Ward

“When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” Chinese Proverb

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” John F. Kennedy

Why should you have a good attitude, a positive mindset, in the form of an attitude of gratitude? The most altruistic reasons are for the betterment of humankind. Saying thank you helps others feel good. Another reason to develop an attitude of gratitude is that positive people attract each other. If you are a complainer, you can easily find others to “validate you” in your misery. But consider if you are seeking out those who agree and alienating those who do not. If you display a positive outlook, you will attract positive people. Positive and successful attitudes include at their core appreciation and gratitude. Develop yours.

One further reason is that research shows it is beneficial to your health (Mcollough, Emmons 2003). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude.  Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not.  In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.

“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.” Phil. 4:6 In this scripture, I believe we are shown this health effect. God does not just say “do not worry”, but gives a road map. Pray (give it to God and gain perspective), petition (count your blessings: list your needs so you feel heard), and give thanks (show an attitude of gratitude, in word or deed!).

“Just do it!”, made popular by a Nike shoes television commercial, is a great motivating slogan- but it is more complicated than that.. Make a head decision to be a positive and grateful person, to just do it. But then, take the necessary steps to get your emotions in line with your mind, so you can be authentically grateful. If you are only faking it, it will show. Have you ever wondered why you may have given a bad first impression to someone? Maybe you know they did not see the real you? Consider if it was your attitude. Even when you try to hide it, like a strong odor (or a beautiful fragrance), it seeps through in even the shortest of conversations.

For example, I know several who consider the speed-dating concept a great way to narrow down the possibilities. This is where you sit and talk with someone for usually just 5 minutes, and then a new person rotates in to talk with you. After everyone has met, each can decide who to get to know further. While it is impossible to know everything about someone in such a short period of time, it is easy to get a general idea of their attitude on life, and to judge whether you share a similar life philosophy or outlook. Notice I said judge, because people glean first impressions all the time. Is the impression you are imparting representative of the true you? Whether you know it or not, your attitude shows. So make yours a pleasant one.

Here is how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

1. Get perspective. Have you ever done much traveling? When you fly in an airplane and watch the ascent, you see how little your town really looks from above the clouds. For the nervous or new flyer, the worries of everyday life can melt away as the mind focuses on whether the flight will arrive without incident. After the landing, even the grumpiest individuals are often filled with gratitude for safety. It is all in perspective. You can choose to focus on what you do not have, or make a conscious effort to notice what you do have. If you cannot see it, get a new view.

“True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us, and not to tell Him what we have done for Him.” George R. Hendrick

I remember one Thanksgiving holiday when I was single and living alone in a new state. I helped serve meals to the homeless, and then returned to my apartment for the evening. I was used to a traditional celebration, which includes family and all the fixings. But not that year. In fact, I had forgotten to go to the grocery store so I planned on either eating out or shopping last minute for a dinner. The roads were too icy to drive a great distance, and living in a small town, I suddenly discovered every place was closed. I was glad they were all with their families, but the best I could do, due to my poor planning, was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I started to feel sorry for myself, but immediately remembered my determined stance. I turned it around, and felt thankfulness at my deepest core. I changed my perspective and realized that I needed to give thanks. I gave thanks to God for my dreams, hopes, and my overcoming attitude. I was thankful that I could afford a roof over my head, being sheltered from the cold. I was thankful for my memories of a warm traditional Thanksgiving, and for His peace that someday I would create that with my own family. I was thankful, most of all, for personal growth. I was still in pain, but I was healing. And I was grateful.

2. Count your blessings. Name them, list them, draw them, but count them. To truly feel gratitude as part of a lifestyle of a grateful heart, you have to acknowledge your blessings. “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” Eric Hoffer

A note for those healing from sudden tragedy or trauma. There is a grief process, and as it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. You need time to get over the shock and sadness, but do not let yourself get stuck in it. If a marathon runner were suddenly shot and bleeding from a life-threatening wound, would you talk at him and tell him just to smile and run faster? No, you would get him to a hospital to heal. He is still a great runner. You can develop an attitude of gratitude, and be truly grateful inside. But if you need a moment to heal, it is okay, you will run again later (and people will once again see your positive outlook that is temporarily obscured). Let God comfort you as you heal.

3. Give thanks- show your attitude in word or deed. “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William A. Ward

Recognizing the efforts of others helps them feel appreciated. It is interesting that we should want to help those we cherish the most feel the best, but in reality the reverse often happens. Many times, we neglect to thank those closest to us (especially when we see their actions as part of an expected role). Instead, we remember to thank casual acquaintances we see while running errands. Both are important. Give thanks to those who make your life easier during the day, but also express your gratitude to those you care about the most. I make it a point to thank my husband for doing things around the house, because I want him to know I appreciate him. I thank my children for being kind to each other and I notice that positive reinforcement is the greatest motivator, and a great example to them. I look for ways to share my gratitude, so here is one now:

I want to thank God for how my life has changed, and for showing me how to live happy, healthy, successful, and free. I also thank my husband and my three beautiful children, who mean the world to me, and continue to teach me about life and love. Finally, thank you to my friends, and to my readers, who encourage me, and allow me to fulfill my purpose and share my positive motivations to help create a better you.

Thankfully yours,

Patricia

1.  What is the most nourishing thing you frequently do for yourself?

I grew up close enough to drive to the beach whenever I wanted to feel God’s strength, and get re-fueled for the day. Now that I live farther away, I try to glean a bit of the energy and enthusiasm this awesome force of nature creates every day. The most nourishing thing I do is this quick two-minute activity that refreshes me every time. I do this when stuck in traffic, when outside with my children, or whenever.

I feel the sunshine on my face, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer of thanks for my family and my life, and then consciously look around for something to enjoy. It may be noticing the vivid colors of a beautiful flower, it could be appreciating the amazing things around me (instrumental or vocal talent, the precision of a brick layer, or even the bravery of workers on a high rise), and it sometimes is the pattern or movement of clouds on a windy day. I also try to include my children in this exercise. Yesterday, for example, I mentioned the birds flying in unison, and my son (who is in kindergarten) was fascinated by their flight pattern that changed in an instant (but was still perfectly formed). After this quick moment of refreshing, I remember what really matters, and can easily shake off any worries or stress that tries to build up.

2.  For your health, what will you never compromise on?

My eating plan. It has provided over 14 years of freedom from my eating disorder, and gives me flexibility and a range of options. I eat a balance of different food groups over the course of each day, and I eat every 4-5 hours to keep a level blood sugar. I also omit refined sugars (yes, that means sugary desserts too). I am not a great cook or baker, but I can now make a great banana bread with natural fructose from apple juice that is absolutely delicious.

3.  Where do you get most of your health information?

Being an academic, I tend to prefer scholarly articles first. I must admit, however, when faced with a sudden problem with one of my children, I quickly google a solution. I pay careful attention to the source, since there are many websites that can appear authentic but are filled with nothing more than subjective opinion. WebMD has some great information, but I am also interested in herbal remedies. I always remind people, however, that just because it is called an “herb” does not mean it is safe. Herbs have a variety of medicinal properties and can interact or cause problems with other medications or conditions, so do your research. I also refer to my own medical books for some answers (I own a modest collection).

4.  What single whole food or supplement has turned your health around the most?

Water- a whole liquid rather than whole food. One change I made as part of my healthy eating plan is to drink lots of water. I notice an incredible difference in my energy levels, my resistance to illness, and my overall health when I keep my body cleansed regularly with water. I will add that the avoidance of refined sugars has made an amazing difference too.

5.  What is your favorite natural therapy?

A soothing massage. I have had several professional massages in my life. They were wonderful. After a while, my husband realized how relaxed I get (and how much money I spent), and said he could give me massages himself. I still get professional massages whenever I want, but I prefer the massages he gives. I love that he spends so much time with me making every muscle relax, and that we can share it together with such intimacy. I love giving him a soothing massage too. It is great for a marriage- I encourage everyone to try it!

I would love to see this meme continue from anyone who wants to contribute an answer.  Leave a trackback here so we know where to go, or post a comment with your responses.  I also am interested specifically in Christine Kane’s answers.  I would also like to add two more questions: 

6.  What gives you the greatest inspiration? 

For me, my faith in God, my family, and a positive outlook.  I will triumph over any adversity, I am determined.

7.  How are you trying to make a difference in the world?  Or, what would people say at your funeral?

I hope that when I leave this life people will say they were better off for having known me.  I hope that I will have used the inspiration I gain from life to help inspire others to great things, and that I will have lived authentically and taken advantage of every moment.

Now, it is your turn…

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Patricia

Before recovery, I worked hard to hide my struggles, because I did not want to admit there was anything wrong. I was hurting, but I never let it show. I was a successful overachiever, friendly, outgoing, a hospital volunteer, and a straight-A student. My public life was thriving, but in private, I was deteriorating rapidly. As my eating disorder progressed, so did my physical symptoms, and I felt my body grow weaker. But I was determined to make it. I knew of no other way to cope. I was crying out for attention, abusing my body, forcing my train up a hill on a path leading to a brick wall. If nothing had changed my course, my life would have ended. But God showed me a way out, and I realized that my bulimia (and anorexic behavior) was putting my life in danger. I got help, and my life has never been the same.

Our society encourages using food as entertainment, comfort, and consolation. This programming begins early. We are trained to “pig out” for fun or fellowship, skip meals to demonstrate self-control, and eat fast food fast. It is easy to take these messages to the extreme. In my pain and low self-image, I quickly learned to measure my success or failure in life against my ability to deprive my body of its desire for food. I hated my body because of past trauma, and I felt I could never be good enough in anyone’s eyes. For me, food reinforced that hatred. I grew up in church and always believed in keeping my body healthy, so I never drank alcohol, smoked, or did drugs. In my eating disorder, I never took laxatives, diet pills, or any other substance, believing that meant I did not have a real problem. My use of food, however, was still extremely destructive. It is interesting that many Christians, and anyone else who tries to avoid unhealthy practices, often use food in the same way as any other vice. Food becomes comfort, when it really is designed to be sustenance.

Temporarily, food comforts as it masks your pain. During the awkward teenage years, that are already difficult for anyone, I was living with no way to deal with my circumstances and feelings of worthlessness from my trauma. All I could do was stuff them down, way down. Obsession with diets and food happened naturally, and soon became how I coped. I was a skinny girl, but I felt huge. Rather than deal with what was really bothering me at a given moment, I could focus on how fat I felt, how awful I was for eating anything, or how strong I was for skipping a meal. My eating disorder became my coping mechanism, but rather than helping me through life’s difficulties, it was burying me deeper. I am grateful to it, however, not for what it was, but for who I am after emerging from it.

I am grateful that it happened because I needed a way out and I found it. I am grateful because I am a stronger person for having beaten it. I am grateful because it forced me to realize that I can rationalize almost anything and that does not make it true. No matter how much I wanted to think I was in control, I was not. No matter how much I thought I could handle food, I could not. I had to get help to stop it, and it changed my life. For over fourteen years I have followed an eating plan, maintained a healthy weight for my size 6 frame, and enjoyed exercise in moderation. My plan includes three meals and one snack a day, and no refined sugar. I now live a balanced life. I no longer think about food until it is time to eat, and I no longer beat myself up over what I eat. I know how to eat healthy and I choose to do so to live my best life, free of addictive behavior. I have no problem eating in front of anyone, regardless of their opinions about what I eat. I eat to live, not live to eat. I have learned to enjoy what life has to offer, and I eat nutritiously so that I have the most energy to face the day. I love my body, I love who I am (imperfections and all), and I love seeing my children feel confident about themselves as I demonstrate this healthy attitude. I know the warning signs to watch out for, and I keep myself accountable to those closest to me so I stay healthy and free. And I stay on my plan, determined to keep food in its proper place, no matter what. I do not believe relapse has to be a part of recovery, not if you believe you are worth what waits for you on this side of freedom. This is what recovery looks like: when that which once controlled you no longer holds power over your life.

I used to live as Paul described in Romans 7:19 in the Bible: “…the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” Before eating disorder recovery, I would wake up thinking today would be different, but it never was. I broke promises to myself all the time. While we all must remember the “Golden Rule” (do to others as you would have them do to you), the people-pleaser in me needed to learn the reverse: treat myself as good as I treat others (keep promises I make to myself, or do not make them at all). To effect real change, I had to realize that I deserved better treatment, and it started with how I treated myself. I determined to act as if I believed God still had hope for me, and in time, I learned it was true. I had to make a decision to trust God for help, and then to go get the help. I am grateful to those who encouraged me in recovery and who helped me face life with courage and learn to manage stress differently. Now my deepest desire is to help others have the strength and determination to live happy, healthy, successful, and truly free.

What do you turn to when crisis hits? What do you do with your emotions when faced with life’s storms? Do you have any habits, addictions, or patterns of behavior that are somehow robbing you of your best life? Are you taking away years of your future, destroying your present, running from your past? There is no easy instant fix. You can stop the destructive behavior, but you must process the festering mess underneath trying to take you back to it. You can do it. Get past your past, and stay in the present. You really can break this cycle and be free. “Crisis is what brings you closer to the place where your heart is pointed.” (Rev. G. Gregg). If you are not anchored in and pointed somewhere, you could be headed into a brick wall. Plot your course or it will be plotted for you. Live courageously and face your fear today. Break free. It truly is life-changing, and will lead you to a better you.

Patricia

Happiness is not unattainable nor is it impossible: you truly can be happy. It is not selfish to desire to be happy. If you live to help others, to give of yourself, you need to have motivation, energy, and a zeal for life to spread as you give back to the world. Happiness will be a wellspring of enthusiasm from which you can continue your journey, excited about every moment. These practical steps to happiness in each of your four compartments can help speed you along. You will have a sense of calm in the midst of the storms of life, and you can be happy with yourself and be real, both inside and out.

Your life is a train ride, and happiness will come when the train is moving freely and effectively. When one compartment is weighed down by excess baggage, it slows down the whole train. You may be partly happy, or somewhat satisfied with life, but there could be so much more! Are you functioning at optimum speed, or are there areas of your being that could be happier? Do you feel fulfilled, confident, and excited to start each day? If the brakes are pulled on one compartment, or if the wheels stop turning altogether, the train will go slower, and will not be able to make it up the hills of life. Without momentum, it stops. Like The Little Train That Could, determined to make it and affirming himself with “I think I can, I think I can” until he did it, you need to know you CAN do it! You can face life and travel your journey successful and happy. Do it today!

I used to be so deeply unhappy. There were moments of laughter, moments that made me smile, and I maintained an overall pleasant countenance to those around me. But deep in my core I was restless, frustrated, and losing hope for any kind of true joy in life. I knew that I had a purpose for living and that God had plans for me to accomplish my purpose, but I felt inadequate and insecure about who I was and how I could help other people. On the outside I appeared successful and happy. I was earning straight A’s in my classes, volunteering at a hospital, and living as a people-pleaser, sacrificing any of my desires to try desperately to fulfill the expectations of others, and chastising myself when I fell short of my perfectionist expectations. I was distraught, traumatized, and insecure. I was flooring it on empty. I thought I had it all under control, but my life’s journey was severely out of balance, and its train ride was slowly being derailed.

My eating disorder was getting more serious everyday, but I did not know how to stop. It was my coping mechanism for life’s ups and downs, and I did not know how to replace it with healthy living. I had built up hurt and baggage from years of pain, and it was weighing me down. When alone with myself, the disquiet of my spirit showed me I had to change. I so desperately wanted to be at peace, truly happy, feeling satisfaction and fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.

I realized that my hopes and dreams would never be fulfilled on the self-destructive path that I was taking. One day, I woke up, saw the beautiful sun shining, felt God giving me strength, and took charge of my out-of-control train of a life: I got back on track. For the first time, I trusted my own inner voice and listened to what I felt God was telling me: get help, get it now, and get better. Start to live. You can do it! The decision to not only survive but to overcome was a monumental one because it was the start of a journey to wholeness and health, to reframing how I see the world, and to loving each moment of this precious life God has given me.

Today I am genuinely happy. I am free like never before. There are moments of sorrow, and difficult times are a part of life, but at my core, I am truly excited about life and happy to experience all of it, finding joy in everything possible. I make an effort to laugh everyday, to take pleasure in the tiniest things on my journey, and I work to not miss the precious moments of joy that happen along the way. Over fourteen years ago I changed my life, and I live happy and on track- and my happiness increases as I continue to learn how to enjoy the process and the journey. You can too! Focusing on these four components to your being will provide you a practical guide to explore where you are happy, ways your happiness is being hindered, and how to easily gain momentum and instantly experience a better and happier you.

Component #1: Mental- Follow your purpose and find your place

Your brain is intricately designed, and is like no other product I can think of: the more you use it, the more it improves, and the less you use it, the more it deteriorates. This epitomizes the expression use it or lose it. Your intellect is yearning to be challenged, to create, and to contribute your talents to the world. Happiness is often out of reach when this compartment is suppressed or denied. Are you yearning to curl up with a good book? Make time. Do you dream of attending school or learning a new trade? Start now. Do you want to start your own business, or change careers? Why wait- the world is waiting for you. Are you aching to learn how to heal from your past, to learn the keys to a better future, and to achieve the greatness you are called to make happen? Then gain speed and momentum today, and boost your journey forward. You can do it!

True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.-Helen Keller

Happiness will not be found in fleeting accolades, but in accomplishing what fulfills your true life’s purpose. Are you setting goals, both short term and long term? Do you dream your dreams, and imagine the future you desire, or do you suppress your natural desire for imagination and creativity and focus mostly on your frustrations over a monotonous area of your life? Even if your current daily activities are tedious, can you see the big picture? This can motivate you to complete your task, no matter how small, and press on for the goal, no matter how big.

If there is no big picture, then find one and make every moment count. I remember working in a lab during college and having to record hours of data which required repetitive actions. The work was interesting to me but it was tiring. I persevered, partly because I was interested in the final results, and mostly because I knew it was temporary and would yield course credit. Now, years later as I am writing my dissertation to earn a Ph.D., I am faced with analyzing hours of data yet again. This time the big picture is extremely gratifying, as I am motivated and eager to see the final results, to complete my degree, and to contribute to the professional world with my conclusions. Train your brain to exemplify the qualities of character that you aspire to hold.

Historians and Biblical scholars agree that Jesus spent about thirty years of life preparing for a comparatively short time of ministry (from one to twelve years of recorded ministry, depending on who you ask).We can learn a lesson from his journey. Train, prepare, plan, envision your future, and then do it. Are you genuinely stuck in a rut and needing to return your train to its tracks, are you on the right path but forgetting why you are going there, or are you chugging along at a slow pace and needing a boost of energy? Mental happiness is found when you have a purpose for your journey, you know where you are headed, and you are taking steps forward while facing the challenges each moment of the journey brings.

With discipline and determination you can teach yourself patience, endurance, focus, and commitment. Align your actions with your priorities and stay true to the real you. Make a conscious choice to affirm yourself and your abilities, rather than berate yourself for mistakes. Remember that most every great invention or success story occurred after repeated attempts and failures. The only way to succeed is to keep trying until you get it right. If you give up, you will never get there. Hang on, pull up, and get moving towards your goals. Your brain is a remarkable device just waiting to assist you on your journey. Use it or lose it. Have you heard the saying that success is ten percent inspiration, and ninety percent perspiration? This means it takes effort, and achievement will bring great joy.

Component #2: Physical- Be nice to your body

One day I heard someone say to listen to my body. It brought an amazing revelation to my view of life: your body lets you know when it is happy! Are you robbing your body of happiness because you neglect or ignore its messages? Your body is crying out to you- do you know what it is saying? If you have intestinal difficulties, do you sit in one place all day? If you wake up feeling “blah”, did you load up on starchy carbohydrates right before bed the night before? If you find yourself slow to get started in the morning, do you have a regular sleep pattern? Your nerve endings are designed to trigger pain to tell you something. In this world of instant medication we often forget to discover the reason behind our suffering, pain, or exhaustion. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you living an active lifestyle? Do you eat foods that give you energy or drag you down? Do you take care of yourself and get regular checkups from your doctor?

Two main keys to a happy body:

1. Live an active lifestyle. Remember when airlines used to allow certain pets onboard trapped in a small cage and stowed under your seat? Well, they did. The poor dears were stuck so tightly they could not even turn around. Are you a couch potato, confining your poor body like a caged animal on a cross-country flight, hoping for the moment the door is opened? Every pet owner knows the thrill of letting their sweet animal free to run in a park. Won’t you extend at least the same courtesy to yourself?

You were designed to roam free, and your body aches for movement. Doctors will tell you that exercise and activity provide phenomenal benefits to you: increase your metabolism, lower blood pressure, reduce stress and tension, elevate your mood, and help improve your sex life. Are you used to a sedentary lifestyle? Start small and you will notice quick improvements: even walking 20 minutes a day will lead to weight loss and an overall improvement in your feeling well. Whether you walk at the mall, go jogging in the park, play a sport, or work out at a gym, get moving!

Exercise through your adversity. President John F. Kennedy lived a life of extreme back pain. Despite numerous life-threatening back surgeries, he suffered immensely. With the help of Dr. Hans Kraus and a regular exercise regimen, he fought through his pain and improved his quality of life to where he could lift up his boy for the first time, and once again swing a golf club. The doctor’s papers reveal that exercise played a huge role in his physical successes, and if his life had not been cut short, may have championed a national exercise campaign. Set a goal today to push past your excuses and get some extra exercise- commit to be nicer to your body today!

Unless a doctor prohibits it, you were made for physical activity. Once in elementary school my teacher wanted us to jog around the field. I thought this was an impossible task for me, because I was not used to any formal exercise. I was tall and skinny, and fully capable of running, but I just could not do it. My friend and I both tried, then stopped. Tried, then stopped. We took a lower grade on the assignment and it bothered the perfectionist in me.

When I talked with my mother about it, she explained that our bodies just were not cut out for physical exercise. Our genes were just not made for real exercise. I felt better, and assumed she was right. My mom was right about many, many things, as are most moms. But on this, she was wrong. I discovered not only was I capable of exercise, I really enjoyed it! If you want true change in any area, question your assumptions. At first I felt it would be disrespect to even consider that my mom could be so wrong. I quickly learned that parents (hopefully) try their best, but no one is perfect. As a mother of three children, I hope my kids grow up to embrace life, face the world, and succeed. I also hope my children are wise enough to rise beyond my imperfections and live their best. Gain a new perspective on life as you consider some of your assumptions and reframe how you see the world around you.

2. Balanced and healthy intake: What you eat and what you drink have a huge impact on who you are and what you accomplish. Numerous studies support this assertion, including studies on juvenile offenders that show greater than twenty percent reduction (and up to fifty percent reduction) in antisocial and violent behavior when healthy foods and drinks replace junk food snacks and foods loaded with refined sugar.

Your body will be happier when you eat to live, not live to eat. Are you taking good care of your body by what you put into it, like an expensive luxury vehicle, or are you feeding it junk food and running on whatever prepackaged chemical snack you could get at the closest vending machine? Don?t treat your body like a rental car, giving it the cheapest gas and roughest treatment. It is your only body- give it the luxury treatment for the most mileage!? What are you giving your body to sustain it? Parents especially need to model this for their children. Teach them to view food as energy, and to care for their bodies as best as they can. Here is a best bet guide that I live by for maximum energy.

My main eating plan consists of keeping my blood sugar level by eating frequent, small, healthy, and balanced meals which leave me satisfied and energized to face the tasks ahead. Some tips for treating your body as royalty are as follows. Try changing just a few of these and you will see a significant change in your energy. Follow all of these suggestions and you will notice remarkable results. When I stopped my unhealthy eating I committed to an eating plan and overnight saw dramatic results. No longer did I see food as comfort or entertainment, but rather as fuel for my focus. As I grew in self-confidence I also desired to care for myself in the best way possible. With each small change, I saw both immediate and long-term benefits: and you can too!

Rather than eating two or three large meals, eat regularly, four to five times per day, and eat smaller meals. Learn to listen to your body. Do not deprive yourself of basic nutrition, but then when you are full, stop eating. If you are unsure, then HALT: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? This classic saying I learned about food is to remind yourself to eat only when you are truly hungry. Eat balanced meals. Be sure to get enough protein, fruits, and vegetables throughout the day. Eat fiber. Limit your starchy carbohydrates, and avoid white flour (such as white bread).

Make every bite count. Find foods with nutrients that fuel your body and keep your mind alert, rather than fill it with empty calories. Eliminate refined sugar from your diet. I have gone fourteen years now without eating cake, desserts. And sugary sweets, and I do not miss them at all! Eat as natural as you can. A good rule of thumb is if a product has ingredients you cannot pronounce or do not understand, then do not eat it! If you can afford it, buy organic. Look for meats without hormones or preservatives. Avoid processed lunch meats and other foods full of nitrates: these are known to cause cancer, just like the artificial sweetener saccharin (avoid artificial sweeteners).

Eat in moderation. Do not omit fat or carbohydrates from your eating plan, but do not overload your body with them. Choose healthier fats, such as olive oil. Do not drink or smoke: care about your health and your body, and avoid these toxins. Drink plenty of water. I usually drink between 8-10 8 ounce glasses of water per day (during each of my three pregnancies, I drank up to twelve glasses per day to keep appropriately hydrated). Water is extremely important. You change the oil in your car periodically, so why not flush out the toxins in your system? Your body is crying out for water to cleanse and refresh you.

Wondering if caffeine is affecting you? Cut out your caffeine intake for a week, and see if you feel the effects of withdrawal to answer this question. Usually you will notice headaches or fatigue, among other things. Get through these first few days without it, and you will notice the feeling of a cloud lifting over you. I have spent many years without caffeine. Occasionally I will intake caffeine, but I know now how my body responds to it, so I try to avoid it.

Component #3: Emotional- Experience life

True emotional happiness comes from living a balanced life, managing stress, and living in the present, at peace with who you are and what you do.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi.

The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances. Martha Washington.

Within this emotional component, there are four keys to making yourself happy.

1. Be honest with yourself. Get to know how you really feel inside. What bothers you and why? Do you have any unpacked baggage weighing down your life train’s emotional compartment? Unpack it today to lighten your load and gain further momentum. Are you plagued with worry about what was or what is to come? Can you focus on the moment, and notice small pleasures around you? Do you have hurt that needs to heal? Are there relationships that unsettle your spirit, that need distancing or mending? Take action today. Much of our emotional unsettling is due to selfishness. Are you being considerate, thinking of the other person’s perspective? Live as a generous person, in all you do. Be self-confident and live to be proud of who you are, the real you. Take risks and develop lasting relationships and friendships.

2. Gain perspective. It is said that perception is reality and reality is perception. Law school students often have a lesson in perception when two individuals burst through the door of their classroom during a lecture, engage in a brief altercation, and then leave. The students are then asked to record what happened on paper, which are almost always extremely varied accounts of what occurred. In one situation, for example, most agreed one person was beating up on another, but recorded that the boy was beating on the girl, when in fact, it was the other way around. Their assumptions skewed their interpretations and impressions of the event. To some degree this is true of your emotional core. Conflict, insecurity, and life’s ups and downs leave an emotional imprint.

To help you gain perspective, read any old journals you have kept, and notice what was bothering you the most in the past. How did that work itself out? Was your worry or frustration proportionate to the situation, or was it exaggerated to some degree? Like mirrors in a carnival fun house, emotions have a way of distorting the lens through which we view our circumstances. Learn from your past, step back and take an aerial view of your life’s hurdles, and consider if there is any wound or troubles that you perceive to be greater than they are.

Conversely, is there an area of hurt where you are neglecting to heal? Left untreated, deep wounds can become infected and soon spread throughout the body. Are you bleeding profusely and treating it with a small bandaid, or ignoring it altogether? Triage yourself today, and start to heal.

3. Take responsibility. You cannot control how you feel (although after you gain perspective you can control much of how you feel), but you can control how you respond. Will you numb out, losing the ability to feel the good with the bad? Will you build up your anger and resentment until you take it out on someone else? Doing this only allows those who hurt you to keep hurting you.

Enough is enough, release that hold today. Take small steps. Choose one item to change about your character and your emotional self, and start now. One small splash in a pond creates a large ripple through the current. Do you raise your voice at your children? Promise to lower it when upset instead. Experts will tell you that a soft spoken firm word commands more respect and gets faster results than a raised voice every time. Do you dredge up the past or use hurtful words when disagreeing with your spouse? Commit to having a ‘fair fight’ from now on, keeping a focus only on the present. Do you berate yourself for small mistakes, neglecting to affirm yourself? Vow to be your own best friend, and do it.

You can choose to respond to life (acting as you desire based on your processed feelings), or to react to life (letting past bottled-up hurts control your every action, including disproportionate responses and tempers). I used to hate it when my mom would say ‘use your chooser, choose to be happy’. It is not as simple as that. You have feelings you cannot deny, or they just grow. But you can choose to gain perspective, to process your feelings, to align your insides with your outside actions, and to gain peace and happiness within. Listen to the pit of your stomach, live what you believe, and be confident in your character and integrity. You can choose to pursue happiness by processing and responding, and become happier every moment for it.

4. Have an outlet, a release. To be in control and respond rather than react, give yourself an outlet, a regular release for your emotions. You have an emotional component to your core that cries out for attention. Have you ever had a noise from a car get louder and louder, the longer you ignore it? Eventually, you find out the problem when your car breaks down. Treat yourself better than this. I was struck by a poignant explanation of why we need to process our feelings and emotions by a children’s program called ‘Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Kids’. The mommy spider was explaining rain to her children who were sad because the rain stopped their game. She said that the clouds filled up with sadness and hard feelings for so long, that they got too heavy and burst- that was the rain. Then, when they get it all out, you know they are happy, because of the rainbow.

Realize that your emotions build up inside you. Endorphins are released and you feel better when your emotions have an outlet. Find a healthy one. Have you ever noticed yourself overreact to something? You are usually expressing misplaced feelings which stem from something else that is bothering you. Rather than wait until they burst at an inappropriate time, sort them out beforehand, and let it rain. For ideas on how to balance your daily activities and still make time for processing these emotions, see my article on managing stress.

Component #4: Spiritual- Fill the ‘God-shaped hole’

An episode of the Twilight Zone called the ‘Misfortune Cookie’ depicted a restaurant critic who intentionally defamed an establishment without trying a bite of food. A curse was placed on him that created an insatiable hunger for Chinese food. He ate and ate and ate but never was satisfied. His fortune cookie said he would die, and he did. His hunger was so deep and unfulfilled that he ate himself to death. Society is filled with choices of bad habits, which rob you of your health and vitality. What are you trying to consume to fill the deep void within you? Is it working? There is a core compartment of spirituality within you that can only be made happy if it is filled with the missing piece of the puzzle.

Blaise Pascal, the sixteenth century philosopher and mathematician, mentioned what we now often call the ‘God-shaped hole’ deep within each soul, crying out to be filled. “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words, by God himself.”

Even outside of religion you can see discussions of a need for spirituality in our lives. To be truly happy, your spiritual compartment needs to be filled. It is a vast chasm, yearning to be satisfied. Like a black hole, it consumes everything in its proximity into the unending void that is your soul’s deep core. This void can be filled by God, and God alone.

When I began recovering from my eating disorder, I was told by someone to realize that there is something greater than ourselves out there, and to relinquish my perception of control over that which I cannot control. I already believed in God and knew that I drew great comfort from knowing that He was more powerful and able to sustain me and satisfy the void inside, if I let Him. What I found remarkable was the concept I heard of choosing anything I wanted as a god, even a doorknob or any image I create, so long as I looked to it to draw strength. How could I esteem as greater than myself an object that I create? It made no sense. Either I believe that there is something greater than myself, or I do not. Either God already exists, or He does not. To believe I can create a god is to believe that I am a god. What do you believe? Are you confident that you trust your beliefs, your values, and that you can draw strength from them?

If you have yet to discover what can satisfy this yearning in your spiritual core, then consider how you are attempting to fill it. Even though I believed in God, I did not trust Him to fill my deep chasm in my heart, because I was attempting to do so through my eating disorder. To make your spiritual component happy, know what you believe and who you believe in. If you are unsure, begin a fervent search for truth today. Then, find a community of encouragement to support you in your spirituality. There are local churches of all sorts in most communities, with different styles of preaching and worship to suit your worldview. Find a way to fill your emptiness and nurture the longing inside you waiting to be filled.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you are motivated to make some specific changes today, and leave here a better you. You deserve the best!

Patricia