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30 Ways to Instantly be a Better Parent

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

I am spending many late nights finishing my dissertation, and I find with so much serious concentration that I look forward to playing games with my children even more during the day. Coloring with chalk and playing hide and seek are great ways to distract me from the 300 pages of academic writing I am trying to complete. As I watch my children, I am encouraged to be the best parent I can by always trying to do better. You do not have to be a perfect parent, but be perfectly motivated to do your best parenting every day.  Parenting is a huge responsibility that does not come with much training, so here are some practical ways to be a better parent, one day and one decision at a time.

1. When you tackle a project, find a way to give your child some role in the task.

From preschool to the teenage years, children love to feel needed, and working together provides opportunity to talk and learn about how things function. My husband worked on cars with his dad since he could barely hold a hammer, and now my son does the same with his dad. Whether you are getting organized, mowing the lawn, creating a scrapbook, doing household chores, or building something on a computer, do it together. Even by simply giving your 4-year-old the socks to sort by color and fold, you are doing something great!

2. Think before you speak.

Automatically you are a better parent if you do this one. Words said in haste or impatience can leave a lasting impression on their hearts, like a footprint in cement. When you are emotional or tempted to react instead of respond, think. In most cases, waiting a few seconds or minutes to speak will only help the situation as tempers settle down on all sides.

3. Ask your children about their day, and listen with interest and support.

4. Find some genuine compliment or praise you can give them. Look for ways to reward kindness and responsibility every day.

5. Change your countenance when you make eye contact- smile!

They see you frustrated, now let them know they help add peace to the family. Knowing your day is brighter just by their presence gives them confidence and improved self-esteem.

6. Encourage talent and find one new thing to introduce to them and help to open up their world. One new skill, idea, location, career, and possibility. Do this often.

7. Next time you try to get your kids’ attention, instead of talking louder and louder, talk softer and softer.

You command more respect and attention with a stern voice than with a harsh yell. If they cannot hear you, get closer and calmly speak again.

8. Say NO, firmly but with compassion.

If you feel guilty, is it because there is no logical reason for your no (then fix this), or is it because you just feel bad for your child who is sad (and you need to go with your gut to protect them). Know you are a better parent and show your love by setting limits.

9. Say YES, and sacrifice when you had not intended to do so.

Do one more thing for your children that is extra special, even though you do not have to, and show them how important their happiness is to you. Then enjoy the reward of their excitement as you watch them smile.

10. Be consistent and transparent.

You know what consequences to expect if you are late to work, you do not pay your bills, or you commit a crime. If you are late to work you will not be thrown in jail for life. Do you ever remember feeling like your teacher or parent was administering too much punishment for the type of wrong deed? Be sure your children know what to expect, what to avoid, and can trust you to be fair and consistent in your discipline. Be sure they know you love them even if you do not love their actions, but that they still learn to take responsibility for their actions. Always be sure they are safe and not in fear of harm from your anger. Start communicating. Stick with a healthy plan, and administer it in love. As you do this, you are already a better parent. Keep it up and keep getting better.

11. Do something for yourself.

Yes, I mean you, the hard working parent who fills up the day with so much you wish you could have nap time yourself. For me, these articles help me express what is on my mind, and give me some time alone in quiet thought. What is your outlet? Take care of yourself and instantly be a better, happier, more refreshed parent.

12. Assume the best, not the worst.

Kids often feel like they are guilty until proven innocent. When they start to tell you something, before you become defensive or over-react, consider if you are only worried about your assumptions, not what they are actually saying. They will sense your distrust, and shy away from openness if it is unwarranted.

13. If trust has been broken in the past, give your child a clear roadmap to earn it back.

Children need to know you will forgive them and that it is possible to restore your confidence in them, or they may develop a “why bother” attitude. Give them a reason to get past their mistakes and turn them into strengthening lessons for a lifetime of successful living.

14. Let them see your strength in weakness- conquer your bad example.

Is there an area in your life that needs improvement? Children are perceptive, and will learn by your example if you fight to give up your bad habits. The best way to show them how to live successful and free is to live this way yourself. Everyone can strive to do better, to be better. Whether you have an addiction, you are just not taking care of your body, you procrastinate, or you need to work on your attitude during stressful times, every step you take to improve yourself will show your children that change is possible and life is full of possibilities.

15. Show up for the important times, and listen to know what these really are (do not just assume).

16. Take one more step today towards living what you believe and instantly be a better parent.

Share your faith and world view not just as something on paper, but by living it. Be who you say you are and lead by example. As a Christian, the best way I can encourage my children to embrace God and my beliefs is to show them how my relationship with God makes my everyday life better. They see how I really live, and learn more from what I do (and do not do) than what I say.

17. Eat one meal together every day as a family, away from the television and phone.

18. Children love routine, so add a new tradition.

I play checkers after school with my elementary school son. He looks forward to our time together, and I love to hear about his day as we play together. Last year I started a silly little saying when I picked up my children from preschool or school. I would get in the car, stop putting on my seatbelt, and turn to them each and say “Oh, look at that face, oh I missed you!” and reach back for a hug. This always got big smiles, and one day I forgot and started the engine and my 4-year-old said with a grin “Mommy, you forgot to look at my face!” You can add a night time routine, such as saying “I love you” or saying a prayer before going to sleep where you thank God for the thrill of your children (letting them hear your gratitude for their lives). Start a new tradition today.

19. Have a family fun time at least once a week.

Cut out something from your schedule if you have to, but find a way to play together. No criticism or work involved, just have a good time hanging together as a family.

20. Next time you wonder why your children react in a certain way, imagine the scenario through their perspective.

What would you want to see different to help lessen anxiety? Often children see adults impatient, angry, or annoyed with them. Trying to figure out why they feel as they do can help you know how to help them. Even if you cannot or will not change the circumstances, you might see how to help them better adapt to their discomfort.

21. Give your child a physical sign of affection every day.

A hug, pat on the back, or even a squeeze on the hand can show you care. Scientists show that physical affection from trusted loved ones helps reduce stress and elevate mood. Infants who are never held will die, and as you grow up you continue to receive comfort from touch.

22. When tempted to argue as adults in front of your child, stop. You just became a better parent.

It is healthy to work out minor differences in front of your kids and let them see how people solve problems, provided you are truly resolving the issues and not tearing each other down, but deeper disagreements need to be managed in private. Children of all ages internalize comments they hear, so talking about how something makes you feel can leave your child feeling responsible and taking on unnecessary stress.

23. Do not argue with your children.

You are the parent. Command respect by telling them you will gladly listen to their side, but there will be no argument.

24. Seek out humor, and laugh at the unexpected!

Are you so stressed out and tired that you almost cried just because you spilled your coke? Break the mood and laugh at how you let yourself get disproportionately frazzled. Your children will laugh too, and learn how to relieve stress. Find funny comic strips, and laugh at jokes your children tell you. Laughter is good for your body inside and out.

25. When your children approach you for attention, give it as soon as possible. 

Have a signal you can give that means just a minute, finish up your immediate task as quickly as possible, and then drop everything, look them in the eye, and give them five minutes. Whether they just want to tell you a joke, perform a puppet show, or vent about a problem with some friends, send them the message you are available and approachable, and you value your children. Let them know they are a priority.

26. Try something new and learn it together. Let your child become the teacher or help solve a problem.

27. Vary your activities and your environment. Encourage your children to go outdoors, to play indoors, and to do different things throughout the day.

28. Help your children attend to their own four core components to be happy, and lead by example yourself.

Live in balance, and help your children adjust their schedule if it is too busy or if they need to explore a new activity.

29. Read together every day, especially books about their interests.

30. Every child learns differently so discover your child’s learning style.  Encourage a love of learning, encourage dreams and goals, tell your children ”You can do it!” and believe it with them!

Posted in attitude, be yourself, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, family, goals, humor, life philosophy, marriage, parenting, people skills, personal development, play, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management | 17 Comments »

Make the Most of Every Moment: Lessons from the Terminal Illness That Wasn’t

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Ginny wept as I held her. “It’s not fair!” she cried, “Why me?” The pain surged through her body, and she cringed as she moved her aching muscles. After a few minutes of tears, she drew a deep breath, and looked me in the eyes. “I’ll be okay, you’ll see.” She stood up, drew her shoulders back with confidence, and smiled again. “I just needed to get that out. I’m ready to fight again.” She took her dose of ten pills waiting for her on the counter, and we went back to doing our school work. She had no other choice if she wanted to live. She chose life, and faced it with optimism despite a greater burden than any twelve-year-old should have to endure.

She showed this attitude of determination to everyone she met. The doctors were amazed at her courage, and her family drew strength in her positive attitude. Sometimes, however, she needed a quiet place to cry, to be comforted, and to grieve the pain she endured. She was honest with herself, but positive about life. There was a time for everything, and I learned about living from her journey both through dying and beating death.

Ginny started out active and healthy, playing sports and enjoying the outdoors, but when her young body began growing tired quickly, the doctors had bad news: Ginny had an illness they called terminal. After years of fighting, however, she proved them wrong.

I met Ginny when I had to miss a considerable number of school days because of my own illness. Mine went away, and hers did not. We grew to be close friends spending days together in elementary school, and after I got better, we stayed friends. She had many month-long hospital stays in junior high and high school, and I spent countless long summer days at her hospital, hiding from nurses or playing with the elevators, just for something fun to do. We made the most of the time she had, because they said it would be short.

She was sick enough to receive a wish from the Make A Wish Foundation, an amazing organization dedicated to wishes of terminally ill children. I can count at least 5 times during our teen years that I rushed to her side to say goodbye, since it was certain she would not make it through the night. We prayed, knowing that God would be there to welcome her into heaven. Every time, she miraculously made it through.

After her teen years, as suddenly as the illness struck, it disappeared. The doctors were baffled. Her health is still not the best, she still sees symptoms occasionally, but she is proof the impossible is possible. She is now married and in her thirties, living every day for the time God gives her, while knowing more than most how much we take for granted.

Ginny taught me how to be honest with myself, and yet keep a positive attitude at the same time. There were many times she wanted to quit taking her medicine, and a few times she did. She thought maybe she could test if God healed her, or that by stopping the medicine, somehow the disease would go away. As her symptoms quickly worsened, she had to face the truth. She needed the medicine to survive, so she took it again. She cried it out, and then toughed it out. But she did not let this change her attitude. She met each day with a focus not on what she would miss, but what she could do. She found joy in little things and appreciated the beauty of the outdoors for those few times she could be in it.

I also learned about life from an adult friend who fought cancer with all her might, kept a great attitude, but left us quickly. I do not know why this happened to her, but I do know that her great attitude may have given her the extra days she had before going, and most certainly helped her get the most out of those final moments with her own children. She was a teacher, and I know she would cherish this quote: “Live each day as if it were your last, but learn each day as if you will live forever.” (author unknown, but Og Mandino originated the first part).

Both she and Ginny did the best to enjoy live, had a positive outlook, and lived more life in sickness than many people do in twice as many years of health.

Life is not always fair, but we can always live beyond just fair, and choose to make our days exceptional.

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 (NIV, Bible).

The impossible is possible. Uncertainty is a part of life, but do not let it prevent you from living. Love, laugh, and dream. Live for today and create a better tomorrow.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, balance, change, christianity, family, goals, motivation, parenting, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, work & career | 14 Comments »

SWOT Your Life To Success

Thursday, February 8th, 2007

What keeps you from the life you dream to live? What is it that could undermine your success and how are you defending against it? Do you seize every opportunity or live in regret? Are you fixed on your goals and headed on the right path? A SWOT analysis is used in business around the world. Now apply it to your life. See one in action, and then do this quick 15 minute exercise. You can identify any obstacles and leave with an effective plan to change your life and create a better you.

SWOT stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. The SWOT analysis started at Stanford University by Albert Humphrey, and is a strategic planning tool for corporations to evaluate and create a plan of action for success. It is effective in determining what stands in the way of achieving your goals. What stands in your way?

The first step is to have an objective in mind. What is your goal? Who are you and what is your life’s purpose? Take this sense of identity and confidence in yourself and then figure out your SWOT. It helps to write it all down on paper, or type it in the computer, so you can go back to it later. As an example, I will do my own life right now:

Objective: To fulfill my life’s purpose with my God-given abilities, and to make a positive difference in the world as I find opportunities. I want to keep my wonderful marriage healthy, to show my children unconditional love and raise them with a great foundation for success, to finish my dissertation this summer, to grow as a writer and take risks, and to continue to write what I want my children to know and to someday pass on to their children. I want to keep encouraging and motivating others with fresh ideas, and to keep setting new goals. I want to never lose my passion for life and for God. I want to enjoy every moment of life that I have, and to make choices that will keep me from living with regret. This for me is success, and I determine to succeed.

Strengths. I am confident in who I am, I live a healthy and active lifestyle, I eat right and exercise, I balance work and family pretty well (did somebody say sleep?), I am excited about life, I am good at calculus (not that I’ve used it since school), I am moved by amazing talent in others (musical, artistic, …), I have a positive and constructive thought-life (one I worked hard to cultivate), and I am a good friend.  Where I used to let hurt build up inside me, I have learned to get through and beyond the painful parts of life, and find ways it makes me stronger.

A SWOT analysis asks you how you use your strengths. Use them to create opportunities and achieve goals. After you list them, see if there are any new ways you could use your strengths.

Weaknesses. I am a reformed perfectionist who always had trouble saying no. I once said yes to organizing a banquet at church. I had no idea what I was doing. I quickly learned how to delegate, but I am lucky there were others (willing to work for free too) who knew what type of food to serve, how much to purchase for the large crowd, when to cook what, and all the decoration details that I never would have considered. It turned out great- thanks to their skill, not mine. I cringe when I think of what could have happened if those great people were not willing to step in and save me. Now I am the first one to encourage someone else to shine as the “organizer” in any catering capacity and I follow their lead when I help.

I still have to work at accepting the final product of an effort, but I meter this against my priorities and remind myself that I can make revisions or improvements later. I think my perfectionism was really a masked fear of criticism, and I now accept constructive feedback as opportunity to improve, and reject negative or irrelevant insults as someone else’s problem. I used to allow negative thoughts into my life. If you think that way, you go that way. I allow them no more. I will always be true to myself and to my promise to God to live healthy and with courage.

A SWOT analysis asks how to stop each weakness. Applied to life, figure out how to either stop or handle each weakness. I see weaknesses as the defining strokes on life’s masterpiece. They provide contrast to allow the strengths to shine, but must be deliberately controlled and worked so they do not take over the picture. I am not an artist (I am amazed by those who draw or paint) and when I try to draw an image it ends up looking nothing like what I saw. My lines take over and the picture never shows through. Luckily, in life, we are all artists.

I am determined to face my weaknesses with courage, and shape them into place so they highlight my life’s image.  I will not be defined by my weaknesses.  I appreciate the ways they remind me to draw strength from God, and encourage me to refresh and renew myself with regular quiet time. Learn to say no when you must, but do not let a weakness prevent you from achieving your goals. Do you make excuses for inaction? Stop today, and start a new course of action.

Opportunities. After my first child was born, I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to earn my Ph.D. He looked at me and said to go for it. I did. I knew the opportunity was there, and I would regret it if I let it pass by. I was not sure how to put my kids first and still do my best in classes, but that was my focus, and it worked out. I am so glad I took a chance. I am a wife, a mother, and a friend. I want to know my husband more every day as we grow together. I want to play with my children and let them see life is full of possibilities. I want to finish my degree on schedule. I want to keep writing. This blog is a tremendous opportunity for me to encourage others and feel I have given a part of myself to the world. No matter how tired or busy I am, my priorities are opportunities I will not miss.

A SWOT analysis includes listing your opportunities and exploiting or taking advantage of every chance. Are you doing this in your life?

Threats. There are internal and external threats to life. Externally I am safe, sheltered, and healthy. When I was single, I determined the qualities I looked for in a man, the qualities that would be nice to find, and the qualities I refused to be around. My desire for companionship would not overwhelm my decision to live a healthy life. I knew in time I would meet the right person, and I did. I am so grateful for all the time I had alone, where I learned I could do anything as my own person, and I am now happy to contribute this confidence in our marriage partnership. The biggest threat now for me is if I ever stopped managing stress and living to be happy, healthy, successful, and free. I will never turn from God or my purpose. If I am upset, I deal with it. If I need rest, I force myself to put my feet up. If I need strength, I find it. I conquer the threat before it can threaten me.

A SWOT analysis defends against or destroys any threat. Find your biggest threats and eliminate or conquer them before your avoidance gives them strength. You can do it!

Take your own SWOT analysis and list what strategies you need to implement today. Do you need to call someone for accountability? Do you need to take action on a plan you have put off? Are there things you can do right now? Do them, and create a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, people skills, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 11 Comments »

What Matters Most: Lessons From A Tornado

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

What really matters in your life? Do you struggle with worry? I struggled for years wondering “what if”. Then, I deliberately changed my focus and habits, and improved considerably. But a tornado showed me how to really let go, and changed my life. Here is how I learned what really matters.

A few years ago my husband’s office was damaged by a tornado, and the same storm brought one dangerously close to our house. We get tornados here every year, but most do no damage, unlike other parts of the country. I grew up without much weather change year-round, and with earthquakes as the biggest threat.

Now, I have lived where the weather changes frequently for many years, but I am still just trying to figure out all the different terms for types of rain (for example, different words for if it is frozen in the clouds, or only on the way down). My husband grew up here and loves to study the weather, and we listen on his scanner to the storm-spotters whenever dangerous conditions are present.

This particular day, he closed his office down early in order to get home before the storm hit. He knew something was up. He could see it in the sky, and the radar confirmed his feeling that something was different this time. With modern technology, I like to think we will always have a warning before a tornado hits. There is, however, no guarantee. We have so many storms that “could” produce severe threats, that we often only pay attention once we see a threat manifest somewhere nearby. It is also possible for a tornado to hit before we even have time to act. I choose to dwell on the positive, however.

What happens when we do have warning? We take action by gathering in the safest part of our home to wait out the storm. We really should have a basement. Most homes around here do not, but I would feel safer with a basement or storm shelter for refuge instead of just the most inner part of our home. There is an eerie feeling wondering if your home will make it through the night. Realistically we hide in this room only once or twice a year, but it is memorable. You can learn a lot about priorities from moments like these.

When I hear the storm-spotter say “there is lowering in the clouds”, I know a funnel has dropped and a tornado could touch down at any time. At this moment, what matters most?

1. Prayer- When it is coming towards our home, as it did this same day, my first action is to pray. This extends to your daily life. Is your spiritual life active and fulfilling? Allow God to encourage, comfort, and strengthen you every day as you face what comes.

2. People- I comfort my children with hugs, and scoop them to safety. I quickly place them in our safe room, and distract them with happy rain songs. I try to get my husband to stay in there with us, but he prefers to try and see the tornado if it comes. In fact, I remember the first time he jumped in there with us for a moment- I knew it was pretty close for that to happen. I was glad he was there with us. What people matter most in your life, and how do you show it?

3. Prep Pack- I used to live with earthquakes, and despite hearing about the importance of an emergency kit in your trunk, I never created one. Now as a parent, my third thought is meeting the basic needs of my children in a worst-case scenario (I do not really think this would ever happen, but no one ever does, so I still pack). I pack whatever basics I have time to grab. One time after getting the kids to safety I started to leave the room and I heard the storm-spotter mention that a funnel was hanging over a street only one block away- I changed my mind. Most other times, however, I take just a minute to make a prep pack. I find the nearest duffle bag and throw in whatever my children need for the next 2 days. Usually a change of clothes, diapers, baby food, and some packaged foods and drinks they could easily eat. I also throw in the first aid kit.

While you may have a literal prep pack in your trunk, what is your figurative one? In life, what is the minimum needs you have to function, to achieve, to dream, to create every day? You need to make it to work to pay the bills, go to the store to get food to eat, and run other errands that are essential (get supplies to fix what breaks, etc.). What about emotionally? Do you need daily encouragement, quiet time, exercise, an outlet? Do you meet your basic needs or are you hurting from neglect?

4. Passion-If it looks like a false alarm, or we have time, I grab what holds my passion. Most of my children’s photos come from a digital camera, so I grab my laptop. It also has my dissertation work, website articles, and some other important files. Before we had children I would grab my wedding album, but since it is so big, I now save the space for the children and their needs. I love my husband and if the photos were lost that would never change (and hopefully the photographer might still have them archived from almost a decade ago).

In your life, what is your passion? What would you grab if you could save it from a house fire, tornado, or other destruction? What would you hold on to in your life if you could, that is good for you, and why? These matter.

The next day something magical happened. After the previous night’s storm, I suddenly had no worries. I was truly free. I worked harder, focused on my priorities, and did what was before me. I created the best me for that day, and let the results happen as they do. I could not believe how much that experience changed me. What was left after number 1-4 was nothing worth my worry. I had an aerial view and could see the stress was not worth its toll. I was a new person, and I continue to remind myself of what I learned from that tornado.

Live for what matters. Worry never accomplishes anything, and prevents many things. Live in each moment so worry does not ruin your health and stifle your success. Live each day as if it were your last, but live each moment as if your future was bright and productive. What event in your life rearranged your perspective on priorities? A near-miss car accident? A weather event? A health scare? Let it teach you and change you into a better you.

Posted in change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, time management | 11 Comments »

10 Reasons NOT To Give Up TV

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

Did you know television can create a better you? It is a tool, and what you get from it depends on how you use it. Many are throwing out the TV in hopes of having a calmer life- great for them. I find, however, there is something to be missed. TV can be used to help you laugh, to help you learn, to help you create, and to help you relax. It can waste away your precious minutes, or be used selectively to inspire you to greatness. Act as if the TV is gone, live as if it is not a priority, but selectively incorporate it into your moments in ways that make you better. While browsing TV in trying to keep my weary eyes awake with my little ones at all hours, I have discovered these 10 gems among the junk. Share yours in the comments section below. Most of these shows have corresponding websites to spark your imagination. Enjoy!

1. How It’s Made, The Science Channel. Do you remember watching a quick segment in some Sesame Street episodes where they show how crayons (and other things) are made? Maybe you saw this with your children, or watched it yourself as a child. Here is the grown-up version. This show is great. Have you ever wondered how they make jeans, bread, batteries, bathtubs, nylons, band aids, or bicycles? This list is just the beginning. In just a few minutes each item is made (they do many items per episode). When I see the mysteries behind each item revealed, I know more how the world works. I think of the ingenuity it took to invent, and I am inspired. I do not work with steel or plastic, but I create with words. I want to contribute too. How do you create? What are your strengths?

2. Myth Busters, The Discovery Channel. If a cable tension snaps, can it really slice a person in two? Is playdoh really a wallpaper cleaner? Is it true you cannot make a concrete glider fly? Is it possible for a whirlpool somewhere on earth to suck whole ships to a watery grave? Can you stop your windshield from shattering, from a rock shot at it by a passing vehicle, by bracing the window with your hand? Watch these guys build engines and other contraptions from scratch, testing every myth you can imagine. One episode I would like to see: #57- Is the internet phenomenon true, that mixing diet cola and Mentos will create an explosion (do not try this at home)? Also, is it true a postage stamp stuck on the rotor blades will send a helicopter into a tailspin? My husband introduced me to this show, and I am intrigued at the way they come up with their tests. It makes me a more eclectic person, and I definitely know more useful trivia (for instance, do not count on jumping in a falling elevator- you will still die).

3. Flip That House, The Learning Channel. This show inspires the entrepreneur in you. Sit back and get ready to wonder how to branch out your own business, or how to start one (where you set your own hours). You may want to run out and buy property, but you learn that to flip, you had better know your stuff. Buyers purchase property in need of repair, and within a few weeks to a few months, restore or “flip” it for sale and hopefully a profit. The risk is in the money: will the home buyers succeed despite the changing market and unexpected expenses? There are similar series on other channels, but I like how this one sums up the results: what did the house sell for, and what was the profit? It can be a thrill ride to watch. There are other home improvement shows on TV, from decorating, to gardening, to fixing most things yourself.

4. Iron Chef America, Food Network. I like competition. I especially like it when I get to watch others sweat. I do enough risks in my own life. It is encouraging to watch others work hard using their God-given talents, and to be amazed by their skills. It relaxes me, and teaches me. This show (taken from the original Japanese version Iron Chef) places a top chef “Iron Chef” against a challenger. They are given one hour in Kitchen Stadium to cook several dishes to impress judges. The catch? They have to be around one theme. One time it was Cranberries. Once I saw “Battle Citrus”. The dishes are breathtaking. I can cook, but they create. Cooking is not one of my strengths, and it is hard to find foods we all like.  After watching this show, I now try to brighten up foods I cook with color, and vary the texture. Other shows on the Food Network are great too, like Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals, but I like the competition ones the best. There are pastry and other cooking competitions at different times. This channel is gathering a younger audience now with its variety- some say it is the new MTV.

5. Digging For The Truth, The History Channel. For the Indiana Jones enthusiast (or Tomb Raider, or pick your adventure movie), this is an amazing find. Watch the host trek through the Amazon, dig in a dessert, or search through ruins for secrets to the past. It is a history lesson in a creative and engaging form.

6. Dirty Jobs, The Discovery Channel. Do not watch this show while you eat. I am not sure exactly why I like this show, but I do. When I first saw it, I was repulsed. Then intrigued. They show the host joining in on the most dirty yet vital jobs available. It helps you appreciate not working in the freezing cold, not covered in sludge, not stuck near bugs all day. It also helps you appreciate those who do. You will leave with a new perspective on the job you call your own.

7. Unwrapped, The Food Network. This is similar to #1, but it is all about food. Come see the process behind peanut butter, chocolate syrup, boxed lunches, or bubble gum. Watch favorite foods unwrapped and secrets revealed. I am intrigued by how fast the automated machines work, watching them in motion. It also makes me sad to think of those out of work due to changing automation. The world changes, however, and we must adapt. The secret is to always strive, to keep learning, and improving yourself. I now know how the marshmallows in your cereal get there!

8. Dora The Explorer, Blue’s Clues (Nick), and The Upside Down Show (Noggin). TV is not a babysitter, for you or for your children. Many, if not most, of children’s shows teach very little except the bad habit of sitting still. For an occasional entertainment show, however, these are great. Dora teaches Spanish and exploring, Blue’s Clues teaches some sign language and solving puzzles, and the new Upside Down Show teaches prepositions (above, below, under, over, etc.). As an educator, I like one thing these all have in common: they encourage the viewer to get involved. Dora and Blue have you answer questions and help solve riddles, and the Upside Down Show has you use the remote to change the screen. It is clever, and gets my children moving, laughing, and learning.

9. The West Wing and Gilmore Girls. I admit an indulgence. While nursing my infants over the years, I have had to keep the room dark (no reading), and I needed to stay awake. I discovered reruns of The West Wing. I know someone who once worked in the West Wing, and indicated this is a realistic portrayal. The reviewers agree. It is interesting to see the inner workings of my country’s government dramatized in this manner. I also discovered reruns of Gilmore Girls, about mothers and daughters, small town living, and life. Sometimes the dialogue could be better, and the later episodes are not as well-written as the early ones in my opinion, but I admit this show is a great form of temporary entertainment. There are many legal, medical, and reality TV shows on too. I flip past some. No new series has caught my interest as of yet. Mostly I avoid TV for recreation. Occasionally, I get invested in the character development and am interested in where it leads. Feeling the emotions of living, loving, and learning through shows is a great release of your own emotions and can be cathartic, when done in moderation.

10. Jaywalking and Headlines from the Jay Leno Show (and any other comedy that sparks my interest). I leave you with humor as number 10. It is healthy to laugh. Find your fun. I do not have time nor inclination to watch a talk show, but I do try to catch Jaywalking when it airs. This is where the host interviews people on the street with questions everyone should know, but many will miss. The answers are humorous, which is odd coming from me, a professor, since they reflect failures in our education system (someone from the United States does not know our first President?). Headlines are done once a week and are funny mistakes from newspapers, programs, or other print media sent in by viewers. These jokes are all done near the start of his show, so they are easy to find. Laughter helps you relax and unwind from the day.

The Food Network also has a show Ham On The Street, and while I have only caught a few minutes, it was hilarious. I cannot vouch for the show (maybe someone here has seen it more), but I saw a part where he fried a brownie and tried to get someone off the street to eat it, and left a chocolate cake for anyone to take. He also tried stuffing hotdogs with almost any kind of food (chocolate, pickles, candy maybe?) using hardware supplies, and got people on the street to do a taste test. Funny stuff. Also, for those who like other comedy shows, but do not want the language in their home, there are devices that you can purchase ($50-$100) that will edit out the swearing of most shows with captions.

Learn, imagine, get intrigued, unwind, and laugh. What is worth it in your TV? What shows make a better you?

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, balance, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, family, humor, marriage, parenting, personal development, play, productivity, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 24 Comments »

Start A New Habit Or Break A Bad One: Ten Steps To Guarantee Success For Anyone

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

You can succeed where other fail. You can start a new habit or break an old one. You can change your life today. Do you want to stop an addiction to drugs or alcohol, lose weight on a diet, quit smoking, give up coffee, stop yelling at your kids, change a spending habit, be more productive in business, or be more assertive? What habit do you want to include or kick out of your life? Most people begin a new habit and fail to include all of these ten steps. If any of these are left out, your success is sabotaged before you begin. If you include these ten components, you are guaranteed success. Change your conditioned reactions to life and create new ones by following these ten steps.

1. Identify the habit. Be specific. Do you want to lose weight? Know exactly how much you want to lose and in what time frame (ie. 30 pounds in 6 months). Do your research. For example, if you are trying to diet, find out what to reasonably expect. You can safely lose 1-2 pounds per week, so 30 pounds in 6 months is a reasonable goal, and easily achieved. Why is it easy? Because if you follow these steps, you are guaranteed success. No tricks, no gimmicks. It is up to you. Do you want it bad enough?

2. Desire to start or to break the habit. You need a real longing, a want that pushes you towards your goal. You have to be willing to give up the way life is now. It is the only way to spark real change. If you are happy with life as it is, you will not succeed in change. Are you trying to change only because others tell you that you should? This is not enough of a motivator. Instead, ask them why. Are you denying the effects of your habit (or lack of habit) on your life? Listen to your loved ones, let it get to you, and inspire your desire for change. List what you will miss if you do not begin this new habit, or what you will gain if you give up an old habit. To succeed, you have to know why you want to change it. Do you really want your goal? If so, you will. If not, you will not. If you plan to succeed, you will. “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” (Possibly an “old army adage” according to armytimes.com, but if anyone knows who first said this quote, please enlighten us in the comments and include your reliable source- I love accurate citations, but this one is over-used and under-cited).

3. Learn why you do it (or why not). What do you get out of how things are now? Figure out what need it fills (so you can fill it a different way). Is your habit a coping mechanism, helping you relieve stress or numb out from life’s pain? You can choose to manage stress in a healthy way, and find true happiness by making a healthy change. Is your habit a conditioned reaction to events, done for immediate gratification in times of sadness or frustration? You can change your pattern, learn to respond rather than react, and create a healthy substitute. Are you running from the pain of your past, and just getting by? If so, the thought of losing this habit probably scares you. You can do it. Do you want to start a new habit? What will you have to give up? If you want to start an exercise regime, for example, find wasted time during the day that you can make productive through this new habit. Instead of watching a television show, exercise. Why have you not started (and stayed with) this habit before? Do you believe you are too lazy (do you need to change your thinking)?

If you need perspective, talk with a friend. Whatever pain is driving you, it may take effort, but get through it and re-direct it. If you have serious trauma or unresolved pain, you may need to talk with someone to get past it. This is not “navel-gazing”. Healing from tragedy and trauma take time, but you must change your reaction to the pain to get better. If you are hurt from a fire and douse yourself with the first liquid available, which happens to be oil, the fire will only get worse! You have to get to water (or even better a fire extinguisher)! Life works this way too. You must change your habit to heal. What message does your current lifestyle send to you and how does it reinforce the negative?

4. Replace negative messages with positive ones. The moment you either give up or begin a new habit, you have changed.  Remind yourself of that.  Say “I am now losing weight, I have quit smoking, I am now a more assertive person…” or whatever fits with your goal.  This can be liberating if you truly believe you have changed.  Do not go back.  You need a new life slogan, one that says “you can do it”! If you do not believe you can, you cannot. Do you believe you have a destination? is your life’s train going anywhere? Replace the old messages with new ones. Love yourself, hate the habit, forgive yourself as God forgives you. You are a worthwhile person. This is hard for many to do. Get help from friends, positive quotes from the internet, or inspirational Bible verses to remind you of the truth of your unique and amazing life purpose. If you can, post affirmations where you will see them. The belief you can succeed is essential for success.

5. Get specific: plan for success. You need details to succeed. To start an exercise plan, decide exactly what days and times you will work out. Do you need to purchase any equipment or join a gym? do you need childcare? Plan ahead for an entire week, and be sure you are not exercising more than what is healthy for you (check with your doctor if needed). To stop smoking, have a detailed plan. Research over-the-counter items you may need. Use the internet to find support groups or materials to read. To lose weight, be careful not to pick an unhealthy plan. Some fad diets will take lots of your money and mess up your metabolism. If you are promised to lose a huge amount of weight in a short period of time, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. These programs will take your money and after you quickly lose a few pounds, you quickly gain back more than you had before you started. Choose a healthy well-balanced eating plan and write out your meals and grocery list for one week. What details do you need to figure out for the first week of your new life?

6. Take responsibility. If you think you are stuck this way, you will be. You can be the person you want to be, but it is up to you. These ten steps will guarantee your success, but only you can guarantee that you will follow these ten steps. Regardless of why you have had or avoided this habit, you have the control. Whether you just need a note on the fridge as a reminder to have a positive attitude, or you need a friend you can call every morning with the details of your plan, or even if you need some hospitalization or medication, it is still your choice to succeed. It is your life. Make a contract with yourself to live it differently today.

Ivan Petrovich Pavlov, a Russian scientist and Nobel Prize winner from the early 1900’s, is responsible for the famous “Pavlov’s dog” experiment (nobelprize.org, wikipedia). This is often used in conversation to refer to someone who is not using critical thinking but rather just impulsively reacts to situations. In the experiments, Pavlov noticed dogs salivating in response to food. He then altered this response by using various techniques, including whistles, tuning forks, and certain visual stimuli (interestingly enough, while legend says a bell was used, there is actually no evidence of this, and no bell was ever found in his laboratory). After the dog heard a sound and saw the food together, he eventually only heard the sound, but still salivated. This process of training worked to establish a pattern reaction, and to stop a pattern reaction. Your body works in much the same way. Change your conditioning, and you will change your habit. Stop allowing conditioned reflexes to establish your reaction. Become conscious of your actions and your reactions, and respond rather than react. Choose your behavior by choosing what rewards and consequences are coupled with it.

7. Reinforce your behavior. What are the rewards for doing or stopping your habit? What are the consequences you will set? This is part of the re-conditioning in Pavlov’s dog’s response. Change your reward system. Condition yourself to success and you will succeed. You get up in the morning and earn your money, right? What makes you get up and get going? You do not want the electricity turned off, and you want to keep a roof over your head and gas in your car. You need the same system of reward/consequence to start or stop a habit. If you lose weight or quit smoking, put the money you would have spent on junk food or cigarettes into a jar every day, and give yourself a reward every week. Start a savings account and watch the numbers grow. Buy a new dress, go to a movie, or do something else fun (and non-destructive).

Aside from breaking a contract with yourself, which should be severe if you value your word, what tangible consequence can you create? Do not be cruel or mean to yourself. Be confident, but firm. For example, Is there a fun event you want to attend? Make your habit (to lose it or do it) a condition of the event. Be sure this is not something like your child’s play (that would hurt your child), but something you really look forward to, such as a concert, a date out without the kids, or a night out with your friends. If you have the prize in sight, it will help you stay focused. Remember what you could lose.

8. Accountability and support system. Set it up, period. No excuses. Find a friend, get a sponsor, find a support group (there are groups to deal with grief, addiction, and more). Cut out sabotage. Get encouraged by stories of those who have made it. Whether in person, on the phone, or through the internet, be accountable. Pray. In your quiet times with God, commit to your decision and draw strength in your prayer time. Have a plan of action to prevent failure.

9. Have a plan to fall back on, before you quit, so you never will. This is a key component. You need to commit in the contract with yourself, to follow your fall back plan before you quit. Have a list of Bible verses to read to give you strength and go somewhere private to read them (the bathroom will do). Have some positive affirmations written out and read them to yourself slowly, until the panic or impulse to fail lessens. If the pressure to quit continues, have a list of people to call and talk out what you are thinking. Do not rationalize yourself to failure. Come back here and read this again, and remind yourself: you can do it!

Actively tell yourself new messages to change the old messages. If you are trying to lose weight and feel like you are going to die, for example, what is the truth? Are you confident you are following a doctor-recommended plan? If you have followed #5 above, then you can say yes. Re-interpret your hunger. If your body is hungry, you will still survive until the next meal. But consider if you are just emotionally hungry: are you angry, lonely, or tired? Find ways to fill this instead of using food.

Draw your line early, to maximize success. If you are an alcoholic who stopped drinking, do not allow yourself into bars. When you hit the worst stress and if you find yourself inside a bar, this is a warning flag. You have crossed a line that puts you into the danger zone. You are in the danger zone but you have not relapsed yet. Allow yourself a danger zone, and define it early. Try to never enter it. Consider this zone your last resort, and be sure it is something that will not do harm to yourself or others. Is your temper out of control? There is no excuse for taking it out on others (or yourself). Get it in control. Your danger zone should be early, when you feel your anger rise up. Whatever this is for you, your warning should be to leave the situation. Do it immediately, and follow your fall back plan to calm down. Try to never enter the danger zone, but have one nevertheless.

When you are tempted to fail, count to ten, breathe, and then follow your fall back plan. Make it long enough to include at least ten minutes of activity. If after ten minutes you are still on the edge of reverting to the old you, then start the fall back plan again. Repeat until your temptation moment has passed. Too many people say that “relapse is a part of recovery”. This is just an excuse to keep starting over, and never be truly free. Do not condemn yourself if you have failed before. You simply did not have the tools or the resolve. But you can do it now. You can follow these ten steps and this time, it will be different. Do not believe that you are inherently flawed and incapable of real change. You are as capable as anyone, and only you can change your life. Do it now, and do it for good. What danger zone and plan of action do you need to have? Set it up.

10. Make room for grief moments. Whether your change in habit feels so wonderful that it only takes a few minutes, or you are taking it a moment at a time, you will still find yourself needing to grieve. The first 20-30 days of a new habit (or the cessation of an old one) are critical for success. One reason is that you are still grieving as you change. So grieve. If it was a significant addiction, you may still find yourself grieving after a year. Grieve over what it has cost you, grieve over how you have hurt yourself and others, and grieve over what you are losing (a fast way to numb out and live in self-pity). It may sound odd to outsiders, but when you have truly made a significant change in your life, there are moments when the old ways may be missed.

Sometimes it comes when you have failed, and you wish for the old way of blaming it on your habit rather than an idea you had. Is your habit (or lack of a habit) an excuse to believe you are a failure, and never try to succeed? Are you using your habit to feel safer? To insulate you from criticism? For example, in business, some have a habit of blaming others for everything, and abdicate talent and ability by refusing to lead, therefore never bearing the blame. Step up and risk failure: it is the only way to create success.

Are you ready for change? Do it today.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, success, time management | 26 Comments »

How To Use A Sick Day To Change Your Life

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

Sick days are a part of life. You can allow yourself to be overwhelmed with frustration, berate yourself for everything you will not get done, and tense up every muscle as the minutes pass by. You can also use the day to refresh yourself, to relax your tired body, and to change your life. Your response to illness determines whether you will end the day drained and stressed, or invigorated and content. Here are ten ways to make a sick day successful and productive. How will your next sick day change your life?

1. Create a positive attitude. Did you know that positive emotional states and healthy stress management can boost your immunity? A study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison (Davidson 2004) suggests people who respond with positive emotions have specific brain activity generated by these feelings that increase immunity. Following up from others studies that show attitude can impact your health, this particular study wanted to know why. They measured antibodies created after receiving a flu vaccine and found an increase in the immune response for those who had a positive affective style. Respond to life positively and you will be healthier. How do you manage the stress of frustration or the unexpected? Be sure you have the skills to compartmentalize your feelings and put it all into perspective. When you are sick, you need to help your body fight. Be sure you win the battle in the mind.

You will be healthier if your mind thinks constructive and uplifting thoughts. When you are sick in bed is not the time to consider all the things you cannot do. Instead, make a deal with yourself to think only about what you CAN do.

As indispensable as you are to your obligations, give yourself permission to be human. This does not mean that you drop everything at the first sign of a sniffle, but do not be on the other extreme, conducting office work while being triaged at a hospital. Life is a careful balancing act. Live it with a passion that begins with a healthier attitude.

2. Give yourself a break. Your body needs rest when you are sick. Nurture it and get refreshed. Treat yourself to the softest tissue you can find for your sore nose. Get the most comfortable pillows and blankets, and find your favorite spot to curl up and rest. Allow others to care for you, and be thankful if you have loved ones around to help. Unplug yourself from the world. When you are really achy and needing rest, turn off your phones and other wireless devices. If you have to keep one on for emergencies, ignore it unless it is a true emergency (hint:  caller id).

3. Rearrange your priorities. Consider the list of worries or tasks swirling around in your head, and then do this mental exercise. If you were to die this very moment, what would still matter? Whatever is now unimportant can be put off until tomorrow. Stop thinking about it now. For those tasks that are still crucial for the day, delegate them immediately. Get the calls done early and then make a choice to forget about them. If you are concerned about the result, put people you trust in charge of overseeing everything you have delegated so that they can do the worrying. Now relax.

4. Fight it. Be determined to beat it as soon as possible. If you are unable to physically get up, you can still accomplish great things with your mind. Decide to make the day one of accomplishment. When you are hungry, instead of eating in bed, go sit where you usually eat. A change of room can also help bring a more positive perspective. After you start to feel a little rested, take a refreshing shower.

5. Use the time your body is resting to take a personal inventory. Are you happy with your life? Is anything bothering you? Are there any areas for personal growth and development? Are you effectively managing your stress and your time, or could you use some better coping skills for greater success? Is your life course on track? Choose three things, and decide to gather your courage and create a better you by facing them. Did you know that many consider burnout to be a gap between your expectations and your reward (Farber 1983)? What do you expect that is not fulfilled? As you begin feeling better, do something to take the first step. It may be saying some kind words to someone. It could be starting a journal to help you cope with life. You may want to read a good book, or browse the internet for research and practical tips. You may get the courage to start a business, apply for a new position, or go back to school.

6. Evaluate your spiritual life. Are you at peace with yourself in the alone times, or does the quiet cause unsettling feelings to surface? Are you confident in your beliefs about God and your relationship with Him, or is uncertainty creating discomfort? Pray, read the Bible, or just listen. Spend some of your relaxing day being comforted in your soul by the author of comfort. If you dismiss the existence of God in your life philosophy, use this time to consider if you are taking the imperfections of others and attributing them to God. He is not the author of your pain, but He is the one who can help you out of it. I respect you have the right to disagree with me that God exists, but be sure that you are confident in your conclusions.

7. Stay on track. Do not use your illness as an excuse to be derailed from your path in life. If you have been eating healthy, then keep doing it. Just because you can only eat crackers for a while does not mean you need to make up for all the lost meals once you feel like eating again. Once you are better, keep up with the commitments you made before. If you avoid refined sugars (as I do), then politely explain to the well-meaning friends who say you need Jello or Gatorade that you are doing just fine anyway. There is sugar-free Jello if you just have to have it, with all the chemicals that entails. If you abstain from alcohol, then do not take Nyquil (which has 10% alcohol). There are plenty of cold medicines available if natural remedies are not your preference.

I follow an eating plan which has helped me stay in recovery from my eating disorder for over 14 years now. It includes eating balanced foods about every 4-5 hours, and while there is flexibility and variety, I have a minimum and maximum I must eat for each setting. This frees me and helps me consciously avoid putting my emotions into food. When I am sick and unable to eat, that does not mean I am off my plan. I refuse to be derailed. Here is one trick I use that can help you know if you are attempting to veer off course. If I am only able to eat crackers at first, then so be it. But I find that when I start to feel better, I might think to myself “well, I am still sick, so I could go ahead and eat a whole package of crackers just because it would be comforting/relaxing/fun, and worry about balancing it later.” This is a red flag for me, and I immediately know that if I have to rationalize it, and use an emotive word (”comforting, …”), then I am well enough to eat better. I may not be ready to eat a salad, but I can surely add some other food groups to my meal. Besides, when sick, protein is great for helping the body regain energy.

What is it you rationalize after you have been sick? Are you thinking of quitting your exercise regime simply because you had to miss a day? Were you motivated while accomplishing some personal goal and are you now tempted to throw it aside? Fight to stay on track and keep going on your journey. You are worth it!

8. Start a new habit or break a bad one. Why wait for New Year’s resolutions? Use your sick day to start fresh. Have you considered the effects of your requisite coffee? Aside from the monetary cost of a delicious Starbuck’s fix, there is a physical cost. You have probably already experienced the caffeine withdrawal symptoms (low energy, headache, etc.) during your illness. Why go back? Move forward. Have you wanted to give up cigarettes, and find that your body rejected them while sick? Do not pick them up again for emotional reasons, but take advantage of your sick day and start a quitting plan. Have you wanted to start exercising or eating better? Use the time to create a plan for when you feel better. You may find that feeling so lousy creates some excitement for the prospect of feeling so good. Motivate yourself and choose at least one habit to break or begin. Then do it.

9. Dream. What would you do if you could change your life? Use your sick day, a day away from your typical routine, to consider your life course. Set goals and aim high. Think big. It is okay, no one will laugh. And no one will even know if you stay quiet. Consider telling someone your dreams, goals, and aspirations. You may find encouragements in surprising places. Then take action. Are you stuck with an extended illness? Consider how you can use the time to help others. The biggest cancer fundraisers began with one person considering what to do to influence the world. What about you?

10. Grow, create, and expand. Before your day is over, enrich your life. Learn something new. Watch a documentary or “how to” show on television. Read a book about a subject you do not know. Browse the internet to learn what you do not typically seek out. Evaluate your life purpose, your measure of success, and consider your sphere of influence. Create a post for your blog if you have one, or express yourself through whatever medium your talent allows. You can be very productive while your body rests. You can even change your life. Do it today.

Posted in attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management | 23 Comments »

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

I am pleased to announce that comments are now on. I originally kept them off due to spam concerns, but for now, I think the community that comments bring is worth the risk. I have received so many insightful responses and questions through emails and trackbacks since the inception of this blog, and I would love for all readers to see some of the dialog that goes on about each post. So, comments are now on. Please share your insights on any post that moved you, expand on my thoughts, or just contribute your feedback. I look forward to hearing even more from you all.

Thank you again for your commentary, and I hope you leave here a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 1 Comment »

30 Things That Take 30 Seconds Each: Which Will You Do To Change The World?

Thursday, November 16th, 2006

Attitude is foundational to success. A generous person with a positive attitude will thrive. If you change your attitude, you change your perception, change your actions, and change your life. As every life changes, you change the world. Over at Lorelle On Wordpress she challenges bloggers to create a list of 30 things that can each be done in only 30 seconds. Imagine if millions or billions of people each did one of these- how would the world be different? In keeping with the theme of personal development, I have put together ways to improve yourself or others and create a better you in 30 seconds or less. Imagine if everyone did just a few of these at once? Here is my list.

1. Change your tone of voice. For 30 seconds, speak softer, calmer, or just more pleasantly. You might be surprised at the results. Did you know, for example, that a softer voice giving clear instructions commands more authority with children than a yell? If frustrated in a business dealing, try a more peaceful tone, even if only for 30 seconds, and see if it leads to a quicker resolution.

2. Choose one idea you gave up and re-visit it. For 30 seconds, consider giving it one more try. Was there an invention, a project, or some task that just seemed too daunting or frustrating? Choose one and decide to try it one more time. Imagine if everyone mustered up the courage to use their God-given ingenuity in whatever their giftings. What new things would the world see created?

3. For 30 seconds, give someone another chance. Listen for just one more time, re-evaluate a first impression, or give one more opportunity to see if they have changed. You may be surprised.

4. Tell your children “I love you” or “I am proud of you”. Make it meaningful, look them in the eye, and show how you value them. It will mean the world. Imagine if every parent said affirming words to every child, for 30 seconds, everyday.

5. The next time you find yourself wanting instant gratification, impatiently wanting something you cannot have at that moment, give thanks to God for what you already do have for 30 seconds. It may change your attitude.

6. For 30 seconds, stand up straighter and with your head held high. Look others in the eye and walk with confidence. See how great it feels?

7. Choose one thing you were putting off for another time that could be done today, and decide to do it! It only takes 30 seconds to make a decision to act. Be sure you value keeping your promise to yourself, and then know that this will lead to action.

8. Clean up someone else’s mess.

9. Compliment someone with a genuine comment on what you appreciate or respect about them.

10. Stand up for someone or something you believe in. A quick sentence of support can do wonders and expand your influence.

11. Find a way to authentically encourage someone in their efforts with a “you can do it!” comment. Believe in them and show it.

12. Invite someone over (or a group of someones) that you would like to get to know: set a specific time and day for a dinner together. The world could use more socializing. What about you? Take the initiative and make the invitation to a new friendship.

13. Give your spouse a physical sign of affection for 30 seconds in public. Brush your hand softly on her cheek, run your fingers through his hair, give a soft hug, a gentle squeeze of the hand, or a quick kiss. It is good for children to see their parents comfortable with quick displays of affection, and great for strengthening intimacy in marriage. Imagine how closeness might grow in marriages if every couple deliberately showed affection for 30 seconds? Better yet, do it several times a day.

14. Learn 1 new word (preferably from a different language than you already know) or learn a quick and wonderful fact about another culture or country.

15. Write a check for 10% of your monthly income and place it in the mailbox. Send it to your church, a charity, or a worthy cause, but give it away.

16. Pray every morning for 30 seconds to conquer your fear and courageously face all your opportunities, keep your mind open in setting goals and keep your attitude positive. Quickly judge your plan for the day against your priorities (be sure your choices fit with your focus- remember in business and for your family, time is one of your most valuable assets). After the 30 seconds, you may be inspired to make a change.

17. Ask someone “how are you doing?” and then be ready to truly listen.

18. Put $20 in an envelope (or $50 or $100), write “from anonymous”, and secretly (and quickly, to fit in 30 seconds) leave it with someone you know could use it. Doing good deeds without public recognition feels great.. Try it and see!

19. Do something quick for the environment: refuse food in styrofoam, tear apart those plastic things that go around cans and choke birds, or help an animal in distress break free, etc.

20. Choose a great breakfast (your best energy starts with a 30 second decision). Choose to eat no sugar and foods low in starch. Eat more protein and fruit. Start your day right to be more productive.

21. If you have been indoors, get out and feel the sunshine on your face for 30 seconds- it will elevate your mood quickly (if it is 100 degrees outside then feel the sunshine from a more comfortable temperature if possible).

22. Say yes to giving a charitable donation at your local merchant when asked (give one more time than you had planned to give).

23. Register to vote. Just fill out a 30 second card! As you follow this or any registration process of your country, determine to take advantage of the opportunity to vote when it comes, if you are able to do so.

24. Plant a seed (or plant a plant or tree if you have the skills to do so this quickly). Imagine if millions did this at once.

25. Turn off the lights in a room where you are not (turn off the water when not in use, etc.). Every 30 seconds matters.

26. Place a bag by your trash and put a recyclable item inside it. Congratulations, you have now started recycling!

27. Stop any bad habit in 30 seconds. Then keep repeating at 30 second intervals.

28. Seek out laughter and laugh for 30 seconds. Repeat as needed to release tension.

29. Drink water.

30. Imagine for 30 seconds being content with everything you have. Then imagine balancing contentment with striving to continue God’s purpose in you, take an attitude of perseverance, and determine to go for it!

Patricia

 

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, work & career | 17 Comments »

Personal Development Newsletter From A Better You Blog: Living Happy, Healthy, Successful, And Free

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

A Better You Blog is starting a Personal Development Newsletter to help readers create a better you. Topics include managing stress, success in business and life, and making the most of every moment.  It will provide information not available elsewhere, and will include tips, tricks, and advice on living happy, healthy, successful, and free. If you have benefited from the articles on this website, you will enjoy the newsletter content. It is easy to sign up! Just enter your email address at the newsletter invitation at the end of any page on this website.

I use an automated service so your email is secure, and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. The newsletter will be sent out approximately monthly, and will begin after a subscribing base is established.

I hate it when I subscribe to a newsletter and then my inbox is filled with junk, junk, and more annoying junk. A Better You Blog does not spam, will not send you repetitive or off-topic emails, and is focused on the quality of the content rather than the frequency of the message. My goal is that you find information and inspiration to leave here a better you.

Thank you for visiting! The newsletter sign up form is found below.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | No Comments »

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