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How to Start Over: Rebuild or Just Remodel

Sunday, December 2nd, 2007

You need a change.  Something is not right, and you feel unsettled.  This is not how life is supposed to be.  You need to start over.  But what exactly does this mean?  Some will advise you to throw out the good with the bad, the manageable with the unmanageable, in the name of a fresh start.  Too often we get rid of the uneasy and avoid the uncomfortable in the name of getting healthy or finding success.  Avoiding the difficult is not the answer, and avoiding challenge can even hinder your success. Your life is like a building.  Sometimes you need to tear down the entire structure and start over in a new location, but other times only a little remodeling is necessary.  It makes no sense to demolish a building just because it needs a little paint and patches, and it makes no sense to cut yourself off from everyone and everything you believe in and care about just because your life is not going in the right direction.  Sometimes circumstances call for a drastic change, but other times less dramatic changes can produce the confidence and motivation you need to fulfill your life purpose and live happy, healthy, successful, and free.  Here are three things to help you start over: help to identify which of the four key parts of life you need to change, help to remove common hinderances to starting over, and encouragements to just do it, whatever this means for you.  Create a better you today!

1.  Identify exactly how you should start over, and how you should not. 

There are many parts of life, but here are four key areas to consider.  The following will help you determine what extent you may wish to start over in different aspects of your life, with some cautions along the way.

Mentally

You may need to start over mentally.  This can range from changing how you approach only one aspect of life, to changing your entire mental approach to life.  If your thoughts are defeating you, change what you think, but do so carefully.  Do not allow yourself to be brainwashed by messages, but at the same time, wash your brain.  Let me explain.  In a sense, we are all brainwashed every day, but when we take control of how this happens, it is an active process, where we deliberately choose who to listen to, and to wash our brain of the thoughts that bring defeat. 

For example, when you choose to watch television, commercials innundate you with subliminal messages that will often influence your choice at the supermarket, whether you know it or not.  You take that risk, however, because the reward of your show is worth a little product branding to you.  Likewise, when you hear comments you did not solicit, you can automatically allow them to alter how you think about yourself, or you can make a conscious choice to evaluate whether they are coming from a credible source and to dismiss those unworthy of consideration. 

Everyone has a message, and when you accept and internalize information, you are re-structuring a part of how you think.  The difference is in whether you make a conscious choice to screen out what you accept as authority and allow to wash you brain, or whether you allow everyone’s opinions to throw you into confusion.  As a child, you should be surrounded by positive mental reinforcement as you learn the confidence to distinguish between the constructive encouragment of loved ones and the destructive malicious attacks of others.  Unfortunately, children are often exposed to hurtful ourpourings of anger, internalizing these attacks into their sense of self-worth. 

As an adult, if you do not re-write these negative beliefs, or if you accept all other opinions as correct, you will find your life needs a change.  Deep inside, you are not happy.  You need to know your life has purpose, you have great talent waiting to be developed, and you are valuable to the world and to God.  You need to gain confidence and to make conscious choices to dismiss those who do not hold authority in your life.  You need to start over.  You may just need to re-write your thoughts about your career, and start to dream big dreams.  You may only need to change how you view your relationships, and how you handle lonliness.  You may need to cut off a destructive relationship, or you may be able to stay close, especially with family, while gaining the confidence to ignore destructive comments.  You may also need to change how you see yourself, your worth, and your strengths as a person.  You may find, however, that you need to start from scratch, that your mind is filled with negative thoughts.  You need to re-learn how to handle stress, how to view life for success, and how to triumph.  There is a time for everything, and this is your time.  Start now.

Geographically

You may need to start over geographically.  If it is for career reasons, the change may be forced upon you, or it may be an exciting achievement and a goal you finally reached.  For others, you may need to move to make a fresh start as part of a new you.  Ask yourself these questions.  Are you moving because it is the best for your life right now, or are you moving because it is the easiest way to start over?  A physical move is never easy.  Psychology experts generally suggest you requre about two years to adjust to major changes such as moving to a new state. 

While it can be difficult to move, sometimes people think a geographical change is the best solution to get away from problems.  If this is the only way to be safe, the only way to keep yourself or your loved ones from harm, then it is the best for your life.  If, however, you think you have to leave because the pain is just too strong, be sure there are not more effective ways to get through your pain.  Remember, when you face your pain, you can conquer it as you heal, but when you run from your pain, you will usually find it follows you, as it grows in the chase.

I once had the chance to move out of state.  At first, I did not go, because I knew it was not the right time.  It would have been the easiest way to escape my challenges, but I knew I needed to face what was hurting and to leave not because I was trying to escape the pain, but because God opened the doors to a new part of my life.  I faced my fears, and stayed where I was, until the time was right.  When I did finally move, it was because my career and my life were headed in that direction.  Change can be scary, and moving is often scary, but it can be exactly what your life needs.  If you think this is you, pray about it, talk about it, and then when you are sure, embrace it.  Seize the opportunity and make every opportunity count.

Emotionally

You may need to start over emotionally.  Do you fill up with rage and need help controlling your responses?  Are you depressed, in despair, and isolating yourself?  Do you find yourself managing stress in mostly healthy ways, but one particular aspect of life seems overwhelming?  Are you burdened by grief over something and you cannot find joy in what remains?  I have included links to some other posts to help in these areas, but the first step is to identify that you need to start over. 

Do you need a drastic change in how you respond, setting yourself free from addictive or other destructive patterns?  Do you just need some minor adjustments in how your life flows, to make a conscious decision to fight for the peace you once had in one particular area of life?  This emotional area often feeds into your mental area, and vice versa.  Are your emotions swinging because of your mental messages?  Are you frozen by fear and inhibited by uncertainty?  You can start over, in the big and little ways your emotions impact every day.  Start today, to get healthy for a new you.

Spiritually

You may need to start over spiritually.  Parents generally want their children to follow their religious affiliations.  As a Christian, I also want my children to learn the Bible and to love God.  Some pastors say between 60 and 90% of graduates stop attending church, while a recent UT Austin study suggests what changes is participation, where 62% of Protestants attend church less often after graduating.  The point is that many times college is where students first consider what they really believe in life, apart from their parents. 

When you think about starting over spiritually, listen to your heart, where your spiritual life begins.  I believe God calls to you, so search out when you have questions.  My caution, an important one, is to consider why you are making a change.  If, for example, you are a Christian dismissing your religion because of the poor example from your parents or after seeing hypocrates, you need to realize they are imperfect people representing a perfect God.  No religion has perfect people.  Not one.  If, however, you are living in a belief system and feeling deep within that God is teaching you to seek out the truth elsewhere, seek wise counsel, listen, and learn.  Do not neglect your spiritual life, and have the courage to start over when you feel led.

2.  Remove the hinderances to starting over.

Now that you know what areas need a new you, how do you motivate yourself to make practical changes?  To start over and remove the hinderances to your success, you need to do three things:

change your sense of what is fair

Fair is not always equal, and life is not always fair.  Many people never make changes or start over because it is easier to blame circumstances or people and sit in the “poor me” spot.  Life is not fair.  Sometimes it hits you hard, and you should never have to deal with the pain or troubles you face.  But they are there.  Face them anyway, and triumph despite your challenges.  Change your expectation of fairness, and realize comparing to others only hinders you.  Push through your sense of what is fair and focus on the future instead.

challenge your sense of effort

You may not want to do what it will take, you may not think you should have to, but if it is really worth it, do it anyway.  Put forth the effort, and re-define what this means.  Effort is not the amount of energy that you think something should require, it is the amount of energy required to accomplish that something, no matter what.  If your diet, exercise, or stop-smoking plan is harder than you think, instead of saying it is too hard and using this as an excuse to quit, if it is truly a worthwhile goal, then decide it is worth this effort, the effort that challenges you beyond what you imagined possible, and keep going or start over again: do it anyway.  You can do it!

I just applied this to my own life in writing my dissertation.  I did it.  I finished and passed my dissertation defense!  For those who are not familiar with the Ph.D. requirements, after coursework is finished and your dissertation proposal is successfully completed, you advance to candidacy and write “the book”, your original research of 200-300 pages.  Then comes the final defense examination where you pass or fail.  After you pass, you turn in the final version, and graduate.  Yeah!  I am so excited, and I thank God for all the ways I found strength I never thought I had to make it.  You see, I had to revise my sense of effort.

I expended more than twice as much energy and time than I had planned to complete my dissertation.  I always found the failure statistics amazing for PhD candidates– over 50% never finish their dissertation!  On this side, I can see how hard it really is.  When people ask me how I did it, with a husband, three young children, and a busy life, I say I am special, but no more or less special than any other candidate. The difference is I did not let my sense of fairness, my sense of what effort it should take, prevent me from expending the effort it did take.  I pushed on, doing whatever necessary to complete it.  Persistence and a positive attitude in the face of challenge makes a difference and creates your success!

choose your sphere of influence

Help others and find new ways to influence other people. At the same time, be selective about who you allow to influence you.  Ignore those who say you can’t, and believe you can.  Start over today! 

3. Just do it! 

For practical ways to take action now, visit some of our other articles such as four steps to make it happen,  start a new habit or break a bad one, managing stress, and dream your dreams to achieve greatness, or browse our archives for other inspirations. 

You can think and plan and think and plan, but there comes a time to just do it.  Think big, dream wide, and act small.  Keep your eyes on the big picture, but at the same time take each day one moment at a time.  No more excuses.  If you know what is required for a better you, start over today.  Start from where you are, or start from scratch, but wherever you need a change, start over as if you can create who you want to become, because you can.  You can do it!

Do you have any suggestions to help people start over?  Share with us what works for you.  Towards a better you, 

Patricia

 

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, wealth & income, work & career | 9 Comments »

SWOT Your Life To Success

Thursday, February 8th, 2007

What keeps you from the life you dream to live? What is it that could undermine your success and how are you defending against it? Do you seize every opportunity or live in regret? Are you fixed on your goals and headed on the right path? A SWOT analysis is used in business around the world. Now apply it to your life. See one in action, and then do this quick 15 minute exercise. You can identify any obstacles and leave with an effective plan to change your life and create a better you.

SWOT stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. The SWOT analysis started at Stanford University by Albert Humphrey, and is a strategic planning tool for corporations to evaluate and create a plan of action for success. It is effective in determining what stands in the way of achieving your goals. What stands in your way?

The first step is to have an objective in mind. What is your goal? Who are you and what is your life’s purpose? Take this sense of identity and confidence in yourself and then figure out your SWOT. It helps to write it all down on paper, or type it in the computer, so you can go back to it later. As an example, I will do my own life right now:

Objective: To fulfill my life’s purpose with my God-given abilities, and to make a positive difference in the world as I find opportunities. I want to keep my wonderful marriage healthy, to show my children unconditional love and raise them with a great foundation for success, to finish my dissertation this summer, to grow as a writer and take risks, and to continue to write what I want my children to know and to someday pass on to their children. I want to keep encouraging and motivating others with fresh ideas, and to keep setting new goals. I want to never lose my passion for life and for God. I want to enjoy every moment of life that I have, and to make choices that will keep me from living with regret. This for me is success, and I determine to succeed.

Strengths. I am confident in who I am, I live a healthy and active lifestyle, I eat right and exercise, I balance work and family pretty well (did somebody say sleep?), I am excited about life, I am good at calculus (not that I’ve used it since school), I am moved by amazing talent in others (musical, artistic, …), I have a positive and constructive thought-life (one I worked hard to cultivate), and I am a good friend.  Where I used to let hurt build up inside me, I have learned to get through and beyond the painful parts of life, and find ways it makes me stronger.

A SWOT analysis asks you how you use your strengths. Use them to create opportunities and achieve goals. After you list them, see if there are any new ways you could use your strengths.

Weaknesses. I am a reformed perfectionist who always had trouble saying no. I once said yes to organizing a banquet at church. I had no idea what I was doing. I quickly learned how to delegate, but I am lucky there were others (willing to work for free too) who knew what type of food to serve, how much to purchase for the large crowd, when to cook what, and all the decoration details that I never would have considered. It turned out great- thanks to their skill, not mine. I cringe when I think of what could have happened if those great people were not willing to step in and save me. Now I am the first one to encourage someone else to shine as the “organizer” in any catering capacity and I follow their lead when I help.

I still have to work at accepting the final product of an effort, but I meter this against my priorities and remind myself that I can make revisions or improvements later. I think my perfectionism was really a masked fear of criticism, and I now accept constructive feedback as opportunity to improve, and reject negative or irrelevant insults as someone else’s problem. I used to allow negative thoughts into my life. If you think that way, you go that way. I allow them no more. I will always be true to myself and to my promise to God to live healthy and with courage.

A SWOT analysis asks how to stop each weakness. Applied to life, figure out how to either stop or handle each weakness. I see weaknesses as the defining strokes on life’s masterpiece. They provide contrast to allow the strengths to shine, but must be deliberately controlled and worked so they do not take over the picture. I am not an artist (I am amazed by those who draw or paint) and when I try to draw an image it ends up looking nothing like what I saw. My lines take over and the picture never shows through. Luckily, in life, we are all artists.

I am determined to face my weaknesses with courage, and shape them into place so they highlight my life’s image.  I will not be defined by my weaknesses.  I appreciate the ways they remind me to draw strength from God, and encourage me to refresh and renew myself with regular quiet time. Learn to say no when you must, but do not let a weakness prevent you from achieving your goals. Do you make excuses for inaction? Stop today, and start a new course of action.

Opportunities. After my first child was born, I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to earn my Ph.D. He looked at me and said to go for it. I did. I knew the opportunity was there, and I would regret it if I let it pass by. I was not sure how to put my kids first and still do my best in classes, but that was my focus, and it worked out. I am so glad I took a chance. I am a wife, a mother, and a friend. I want to know my husband more every day as we grow together. I want to play with my children and let them see life is full of possibilities. I want to finish my degree on schedule. I want to keep writing. This blog is a tremendous opportunity for me to encourage others and feel I have given a part of myself to the world. No matter how tired or busy I am, my priorities are opportunities I will not miss.

A SWOT analysis includes listing your opportunities and exploiting or taking advantage of every chance. Are you doing this in your life?

Threats. There are internal and external threats to life. Externally I am safe, sheltered, and healthy. When I was single, I determined the qualities I looked for in a man, the qualities that would be nice to find, and the qualities I refused to be around. My desire for companionship would not overwhelm my decision to live a healthy life. I knew in time I would meet the right person, and I did. I am so grateful for all the time I had alone, where I learned I could do anything as my own person, and I am now happy to contribute this confidence in our marriage partnership. The biggest threat now for me is if I ever stopped managing stress and living to be happy, healthy, successful, and free. I will never turn from God or my purpose. If I am upset, I deal with it. If I need rest, I force myself to put my feet up. If I need strength, I find it. I conquer the threat before it can threaten me.

A SWOT analysis defends against or destroys any threat. Find your biggest threats and eliminate or conquer them before your avoidance gives them strength. You can do it!

Take your own SWOT analysis and list what strategies you need to implement today. Do you need to call someone for accountability? Do you need to take action on a plan you have put off? Are there things you can do right now? Do them, and create a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, people skills, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 11 Comments »

Your Secret To Positive Thinking

Friday, February 2nd, 2007

People are talking about it. It is on the news, in documentaries, on the radio, and in person. As the awareness spreads, more people are taking charge of life, and talking about positive thinking. As the world wakes up from self-pity and despair, it recognizes the power of the mind to impact the future. There are classic books to inspire you (such as Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking), and modern works that hightlight speakers who tell the world how to effect change (such as the Law of Attraction movie and book The Secret). I get excited anytime people want to talk about creating a better life. It fits exactly with the theme of A Better You Blog.

The Law of Attraction goes along with this approach to life: whatever you think about will happen. My view on the Law of Attraction can be seen in my article Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. I believe you do attract most of what you experience, but that life happens in balance, and there are ways to apply any theory to the extreme. While I agree positive thinking creates and attracts positive outcomes, God also gave people free will. The choice to do good or to do harm to others impacts everyone. Some find it comforting to believe in a false security that everything can be controlled, but the unexpected does happen. It is what you do next that determines your level of success.

Seize the rewards you attract with confidence and overcome both the difficulties that you attract and those few that come despite your best efforts. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You hurt, you heal, you move on, and you triumph over adversity and into greatness. Do not allow the 1% you cannot control to dominate the other 99% of your life, but focus on the 99% you can control, attract the success you desire, and create a better you. You can dream your way to the life you want: believe your goals are within your grasp, and work hard to create amazing success.

God has a unique plan for you. How do positive thoughts help you achieve your life’s purpose? Dream, imagine, and achieve. Do it today!

Inspire others with your own positive thoughts in the comments section with one or all of these:

Share a quote that motivates you or is meaningful (and who said it).
Tell how positive thinking changed your life (in big or small ways).
Cite your favorite motivating books- what do you read that stirs your soul to action?

Patricia

Posted in attitude, balance, be yourself, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, conquering fear, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, wealth & income, work & career | 14 Comments »

7 Ways You May Unknowingly Mess Up Your Life

Thursday, January 25th, 2007

You determine your future with every decision you make, but what is the basis for those decisions? Who creates this foundation on which you base your life? You are influenced by the world around you, but you can take control of how you respond to circumstances and achieve your goals. It takes effort to overcome obstacles and succeed in your life’s purpose. You must take responsibility for your life to create who you want to be. Here are 7 often overlooked ways you may relinquish that control and mess up your life. If you find your life’s train is off track, get back on. You can change every one of these today, and create a better you.

1. Letting aptitude tests tell you what to do with your life.

When I was teaching public high school, the students would talk about the “abilities” they discovered from standardized tests. I cautioned them to use it as an indicator of strengths, but not a determination of weaknesses. They still discussed surprises about what they were “not” good at, despite my admonitions. I caution you, too. For your own sake and that of your children, remember this story.

When my husband was in high school, they did the usual career testing. His guidance counselor shared the results, and designed his coursework in line with this test. It showed him to be good with his hands, especially prepared to be a mechanic or electrician. This part of the test was right. I have never met anyone more handy than he is- if it is broke, he can fix it. His dad taught him since a young age, so he knows how to build a house, he can wire up any office, he can build a computer from nothing, and fix a car. He enjoys working with circuitry, and these are respectable careers. But that is not his true passion.

He loves to debate. Not to have an argument, and not to create tension (in fact, he is a very adept mediator, and is able to create peace where there is anxiety). But he wants to take the other side, just to see how the discussion plays out. And what does he do for his career? He is an attorney (did the arguing tip you off?). But he almost never went to college.

2. Letting others determine your career future for you.

Do you take advantage of opportunities, or do you spend your time blaming others because you are not where you want to be?  Do you feel stuck in your vocation? Make a change. Start a business, go back to school, teach yourself a new skill. If you did not have the best GPA in high school, it does not mean you cannot succeed in college. Consider where you want to be and see what degree or training is required. Then set a plan. Do not let others set it for you. It is never too late to return to school. If you cannot go the traditional route, there are evening and weekend programs, and even online universities (just be careful they are accredited). You can even teach yourself a new skill- you do not have to have formal education to learn. My biggest caution starts with young people. Be sure you keep your options open.

My husband was bored in high school, so he did work-study in order to only attend half-time. He presumed, as most students do, that his career path was laid out in his best interests. Before his final year of high school, however, he realized that his career path would PREVENT him from attending college. Because he showed talent on the aptitude test for physical skills, he was set on a path not for the college-bound. His future was limited because of a test. Luckily, he took the initiative and dared to challenge these results. He thought, what if I want to go to college? He took an extra Algebra course his senior year (with the freshman who took it at the right time), in order to qualify for college entrance, and went on to succeed at a prominent business school. He did great there, too. Too often we as teachers presume that grades are indicators of ability. They are also indicators of interest. He had a GPA just good enough to get by in high school, but outstanding As in college.

3. Rejecting your religion for any reason other than you no longer believe.

If your parents forced their religion on you, get past it. You are not alone. Religion (including the belief in absense of religion) is usually a strong core value and parents most often cannot help but try to share this with their children. As a Christian, for example, I want my children to learn about God and the Bible, and to love it. But misguided parents often shove their children full of rules and regulations without the loving context, and create disdain for their beliefs. People are not perfect. Are you ignoring a tug to believe, or are you bitter to even consider the option, simply because you are upset at how the idea of God was first delivered? Heal your wounds, mend family relationships, get past bitterness, and be sure what you believe is really representative of yourself, rather than a reaction to actions of others.

Have you ever been misrepresented? There are horrible crimes committed by people of every faith and belief system. There are, unfortunately, preachers and teachers of most every value system whose sole purpose is to get your money. When people who tell others about God act against what they say they believe, they misrepresent God. People see this and misjudge who God is. It is not God who is imperfect, but it is the messenger. Are you rejecting religion because of hypocrasy? Guard your heart and use wisdom in where you place your trust, but be sure you do not dismiss God and your religion soley because someone hurt you. Do not give that person the power to steer your spiritual life. Do it yourself.

4. Interpreting rejection as personal failure.

I will be rejected, and I am glad. If I were accepted by everyone all the time, it would mean I have no substance: I would only be what everyone wanted at any given moment. Instead, I am proud of myself, failures and all. Rejection is just one way of knowing that this piece of the puzzle does not fit. Time to move on to the next piece. If you stop trying, the puzzle will never show the masterpiece of art its image was designed to portray. Have you lost clients? Did you get passed over for a promotion? Has a relationship ended? The loss of status, the loss of what you consider success, and the loss of intimacy hurts. In hindsight, you can usually note ways the outcome could have been different. “If only I had…”. Do not berate yourself over the loss, but use it to assess yourself. Can you see an area for change? Then change it and create a better you. Was it just a bad fit? Then pick up and move on. Keep your focus and do not give up, and you will achieve your goals and succeed.

5. Accepting negative messages as unchangable and true.

How do you encourage yourself? If you listen to what messages you allow into your thoughts, are they positive, helpful, and constructive, or are you sabotaging your success? Treat yourself as you would treat others. Negative messages should be acted on (if you need to change) and then put aside. Think on the positives and focus on how you CAN do it! Your thoughts create self-fulfilling prophecies. Make them great ones.

6. Letting your pride prevent your growth.

How have you grown this year? Are you so confident in your abilities that you are unteachable? If you are a parent, are you finding ways to make your children’s world better? As a spouse, are you working on your marriage, keeping up momentum, or just letting it coast along? It will only coast so far until it loses altitude. Give it a lift. Are you open to personal development? There are always ways to improve, and to be a better you. “Pride goeth before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18. Do not let your pride stop you from maturing.

7. Allowing your habits to control you.

We all have habits. Families develop them together, and then you grow up and continue on, adding new ones along the way. Some are beneficial, and others drain your energy. Are there any negative or destructive habits in your life? You should control your lifestyle. Are you in control of your habits, or are they controlling you? Sometimes you may not realize how much your life would be different if you changed even one habit. Consider it, and be sure you know what your habits are, and how they affect you. Ask a friend if you are not sure. Be sure it is someone who will be honest. You may be surprised.

Become aware of what influences you and how you make decisions, and become a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, change, christianity, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, success, wealth & income, work & career | 17 Comments »

10 Reasons NOT To Give Up TV

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

Did you know television can create a better you? It is a tool, and what you get from it depends on how you use it. Many are throwing out the TV in hopes of having a calmer life- great for them. I find, however, there is something to be missed. TV can be used to help you laugh, to help you learn, to help you create, and to help you relax. It can waste away your precious minutes, or be used selectively to inspire you to greatness. Act as if the TV is gone, live as if it is not a priority, but selectively incorporate it into your moments in ways that make you better. While browsing TV in trying to keep my weary eyes awake with my little ones at all hours, I have discovered these 10 gems among the junk. Share yours in the comments section below. Most of these shows have corresponding websites to spark your imagination. Enjoy!

1. How It’s Made, The Science Channel. Do you remember watching a quick segment in some Sesame Street episodes where they show how crayons (and other things) are made? Maybe you saw this with your children, or watched it yourself as a child. Here is the grown-up version. This show is great. Have you ever wondered how they make jeans, bread, batteries, bathtubs, nylons, band aids, or bicycles? This list is just the beginning. In just a few minutes each item is made (they do many items per episode). When I see the mysteries behind each item revealed, I know more how the world works. I think of the ingenuity it took to invent, and I am inspired. I do not work with steel or plastic, but I create with words. I want to contribute too. How do you create? What are your strengths?

2. Myth Busters, The Discovery Channel. If a cable tension snaps, can it really slice a person in two? Is playdoh really a wallpaper cleaner? Is it true you cannot make a concrete glider fly? Is it possible for a whirlpool somewhere on earth to suck whole ships to a watery grave? Can you stop your windshield from shattering, from a rock shot at it by a passing vehicle, by bracing the window with your hand? Watch these guys build engines and other contraptions from scratch, testing every myth you can imagine. One episode I would like to see: #57- Is the internet phenomenon true, that mixing diet cola and Mentos will create an explosion (do not try this at home)? Also, is it true a postage stamp stuck on the rotor blades will send a helicopter into a tailspin? My husband introduced me to this show, and I am intrigued at the way they come up with their tests. It makes me a more eclectic person, and I definitely know more useful trivia (for instance, do not count on jumping in a falling elevator- you will still die).

3. Flip That House, The Learning Channel. This show inspires the entrepreneur in you. Sit back and get ready to wonder how to branch out your own business, or how to start one (where you set your own hours). You may want to run out and buy property, but you learn that to flip, you had better know your stuff. Buyers purchase property in need of repair, and within a few weeks to a few months, restore or “flip” it for sale and hopefully a profit. The risk is in the money: will the home buyers succeed despite the changing market and unexpected expenses? There are similar series on other channels, but I like how this one sums up the results: what did the house sell for, and what was the profit? It can be a thrill ride to watch. There are other home improvement shows on TV, from decorating, to gardening, to fixing most things yourself.

4. Iron Chef America, Food Network. I like competition. I especially like it when I get to watch others sweat. I do enough risks in my own life. It is encouraging to watch others work hard using their God-given talents, and to be amazed by their skills. It relaxes me, and teaches me. This show (taken from the original Japanese version Iron Chef) places a top chef “Iron Chef” against a challenger. They are given one hour in Kitchen Stadium to cook several dishes to impress judges. The catch? They have to be around one theme. One time it was Cranberries. Once I saw “Battle Citrus”. The dishes are breathtaking. I can cook, but they create. Cooking is not one of my strengths, and it is hard to find foods we all like.  After watching this show, I now try to brighten up foods I cook with color, and vary the texture. Other shows on the Food Network are great too, like Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals, but I like the competition ones the best. There are pastry and other cooking competitions at different times. This channel is gathering a younger audience now with its variety- some say it is the new MTV.

5. Digging For The Truth, The History Channel. For the Indiana Jones enthusiast (or Tomb Raider, or pick your adventure movie), this is an amazing find. Watch the host trek through the Amazon, dig in a dessert, or search through ruins for secrets to the past. It is a history lesson in a creative and engaging form.

6. Dirty Jobs, The Discovery Channel. Do not watch this show while you eat. I am not sure exactly why I like this show, but I do. When I first saw it, I was repulsed. Then intrigued. They show the host joining in on the most dirty yet vital jobs available. It helps you appreciate not working in the freezing cold, not covered in sludge, not stuck near bugs all day. It also helps you appreciate those who do. You will leave with a new perspective on the job you call your own.

7. Unwrapped, The Food Network. This is similar to #1, but it is all about food. Come see the process behind peanut butter, chocolate syrup, boxed lunches, or bubble gum. Watch favorite foods unwrapped and secrets revealed. I am intrigued by how fast the automated machines work, watching them in motion. It also makes me sad to think of those out of work due to changing automation. The world changes, however, and we must adapt. The secret is to always strive, to keep learning, and improving yourself. I now know how the marshmallows in your cereal get there!

8. Dora The Explorer, Blue’s Clues (Nick), and The Upside Down Show (Noggin). TV is not a babysitter, for you or for your children. Many, if not most, of children’s shows teach very little except the bad habit of sitting still. For an occasional entertainment show, however, these are great. Dora teaches Spanish and exploring, Blue’s Clues teaches some sign language and solving puzzles, and the new Upside Down Show teaches prepositions (above, below, under, over, etc.). As an educator, I like one thing these all have in common: they encourage the viewer to get involved. Dora and Blue have you answer questions and help solve riddles, and the Upside Down Show has you use the remote to change the screen. It is clever, and gets my children moving, laughing, and learning.

9. The West Wing and Gilmore Girls. I admit an indulgence. While nursing my infants over the years, I have had to keep the room dark (no reading), and I needed to stay awake. I discovered reruns of The West Wing. I know someone who once worked in the West Wing, and indicated this is a realistic portrayal. The reviewers agree. It is interesting to see the inner workings of my country’s government dramatized in this manner. I also discovered reruns of Gilmore Girls, about mothers and daughters, small town living, and life. Sometimes the dialogue could be better, and the later episodes are not as well-written as the early ones in my opinion, but I admit this show is a great form of temporary entertainment. There are many legal, medical, and reality TV shows on too. I flip past some. No new series has caught my interest as of yet. Mostly I avoid TV for recreation. Occasionally, I get invested in the character development and am interested in where it leads. Feeling the emotions of living, loving, and learning through shows is a great release of your own emotions and can be cathartic, when done in moderation.

10. Jaywalking and Headlines from the Jay Leno Show (and any other comedy that sparks my interest). I leave you with humor as number 10. It is healthy to laugh. Find your fun. I do not have time nor inclination to watch a talk show, but I do try to catch Jaywalking when it airs. This is where the host interviews people on the street with questions everyone should know, but many will miss. The answers are humorous, which is odd coming from me, a professor, since they reflect failures in our education system (someone from the United States does not know our first President?). Headlines are done once a week and are funny mistakes from newspapers, programs, or other print media sent in by viewers. These jokes are all done near the start of his show, so they are easy to find. Laughter helps you relax and unwind from the day.

The Food Network also has a show Ham On The Street, and while I have only caught a few minutes, it was hilarious. I cannot vouch for the show (maybe someone here has seen it more), but I saw a part where he fried a brownie and tried to get someone off the street to eat it, and left a chocolate cake for anyone to take. He also tried stuffing hotdogs with almost any kind of food (chocolate, pickles, candy maybe?) using hardware supplies, and got people on the street to do a taste test. Funny stuff. Also, for those who like other comedy shows, but do not want the language in their home, there are devices that you can purchase ($50-$100) that will edit out the swearing of most shows with captions.

Learn, imagine, get intrigued, unwind, and laugh. What is worth it in your TV? What shows make a better you?

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, balance, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, family, humor, marriage, parenting, personal development, play, productivity, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 24 Comments »

Word Is Spreading

Thursday, January 4th, 2007

2006 was a great year for this blog. I wrote my first article in August, and since then you have given me the opportunity to encourage and motivate more people. I appreciate each of you visiting, and your willingness to share with others what inspires you. Soon after the blog began, I was interviewed for this magazine about Health, Attitude, and Determination. While it appears it may now be out of print (after hiring Christie Brinkley for the cover?), it was a great honor to be considered for circulation. Since then, I notice new blogs referencing these articles almost daily. It is exciting to see how each person is creating a better you!

This last month brought a considerable amount of new visitors again, so I wanted to remind everyone that the archive section can be a great resource for finding what interests you. These articles are for those who desire to live happy, healthy, successful, and free. Each article will follow the central theme “you can do it”! Failure is only a stepping stone to success. Your attitude, the law of attraction, your character, fulfilling God’s purpose for you, and determination are all central to living without regret. Thanks to those who have joined us as commenters, and I want to remind everyone that comments are now on for both new and old posts.

In an earlier post I mentioned statistics, and I was doing monthly updates, but I have moved that data here in a clearer graph form. Here is a snapshot of our Awstats for 2006:

blog2006stats.JPG

In the first 3 months unique visitors increased almost 500% and 400%. The final two months shows that the blog is not ready to level off, but rather continues to increase. From Oct. to Nov. new visitors increased again another 144% from the already high Oct. stats, and Nov. to Dec. another 157% from the high Nov. count.  In just under 5 months, there are already almost 1.5 million hits!  I also added a place to sign up for a Newsletter, and the subscription base is growing every day. The first issue will probably be sometime this spring.

A Better You Blog is ranked approximately 37,000 in Technorati’s blog ranking system of over 50 million blogs (as of today’s date), is climbing with each Technorati update, and has just made it into the top 100,000 blogs in the Alexa ranking (though I realize that Alexa is only an indicator and not entirely determinative since it only counts those visits with the toolbar installed).

In addition to visits to my site, I continue to have new subscriptions to my feeds through feedburner (though I am not sure how to read the fluctuations, since the subscriber base will drop by a hundred one day, then back up another hundred and fifty the next from where it was-the net result is a steady climb, so I read it as good).  If you prefer to read all your news in one place, subscribe to these articles by clicking on the orange feedburner button at the top of the left column, or on any RSS link.  You can also sign up for email updates. 

I will do an update again in probably 6 months, but for now, welcome to all of you new to this place. Here you will find free and original articles with frequent new additions to help you in all aspects of your business and life. Welcome and thanks to those who have been here from the start. Thank you for spreading the word, and keep it up! Thank you also to the many Blog Carnivals (carnival index) that highlight my articles. You can also find many of their links in the comments section after each post.

Get ready to be the best you possible. May you all continue to visit here often, and always find something to help leave here a better you.

Patricia

Posted in business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, parenting, personal development, productivity, relationships, spirituality, wealth & income, work & career | 6 Comments »

How To Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

True gratefulness comes from a conscious decision to recognize your blessings, coupled with the emotional feelings that accompany a thankful heart. An ungrateful person can utter the words “thank you” in protest. A thankful person can hold their gratitude as a guarded secret, yearning to be shared. Grateful people not only count and take joy in their blessings, but they influence others with words and deeds by deliberately displaying their pleasure and appreciation to those who should receive it. Life is full of opportunities for giving thanks. Do you seek them out? Are you remembering to show appreciation to those closest to you? If you complain, you will find yourself with plenty of others to join in. If you live a positive, grateful, successful life, you will attract other positive, grateful, and successful people. Do not stifle your future by neglecting your attitude. Begin by developing your grateful spirit today.

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks…” Brian Tracy

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” William A. Ward

“When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” Chinese Proverb

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” John F. Kennedy

Why should you have a good attitude, a positive mindset, in the form of an attitude of gratitude? The most altruistic reasons are for the betterment of humankind. Saying thank you helps others feel good. Another reason to develop an attitude of gratitude is that positive people attract each other. If you are a complainer, you can easily find others to “validate you” in your misery. But consider if you are seeking out those who agree and alienating those who do not. If you display a positive outlook, you will attract positive people. Positive and successful attitudes include at their core appreciation and gratitude. Develop yours.

One further reason is that research shows it is beneficial to your health (Mcollough, Emmons 2003). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude.  Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not.  In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.

“Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.” Phil. 4:6 In this scripture, I believe we are shown this health effect. God does not just say “do not worry”, but gives a road map. Pray (give it to God and gain perspective), petition (count your blessings: list your needs so you feel heard), and give thanks (show an attitude of gratitude, in word or deed!).

“Just do it!”, made popular by a Nike shoes television commercial, is a great motivating slogan- but it is more complicated than that.. Make a head decision to be a positive and grateful person, to just do it. But then, take the necessary steps to get your emotions in line with your mind, so you can be authentically grateful. If you are only faking it, it will show. Have you ever wondered why you may have given a bad first impression to someone? Maybe you know they did not see the real you? Consider if it was your attitude. Even when you try to hide it, like a strong odor (or a beautiful fragrance), it seeps through in even the shortest of conversations.

For example, I know several who consider the speed-dating concept a great way to narrow down the possibilities. This is where you sit and talk with someone for usually just 5 minutes, and then a new person rotates in to talk with you. After everyone has met, each can decide who to get to know further. While it is impossible to know everything about someone in such a short period of time, it is easy to get a general idea of their attitude on life, and to judge whether you share a similar life philosophy or outlook. Notice I said judge, because people glean first impressions all the time. Is the impression you are imparting representative of the true you? Whether you know it or not, your attitude shows. So make yours a pleasant one.

Here is how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

1. Get perspective. Have you ever done much traveling? When you fly in an airplane and watch the ascent, you see how little your town really looks from above the clouds. For the nervous or new flyer, the worries of everyday life can melt away as the mind focuses on whether the flight will arrive without incident. After the landing, even the grumpiest individuals are often filled with gratitude for safety. It is all in perspective. You can choose to focus on what you do not have, or make a conscious effort to notice what you do have. If you cannot see it, get a new view.

“True thanksgiving means that we need to thank God for what He has done for us, and not to tell Him what we have done for Him.” George R. Hendrick

I remember one Thanksgiving holiday when I was single and living alone in a new state. I helped serve meals to the homeless, and then returned to my apartment for the evening. I was used to a traditional celebration, which includes family and all the fixings. But not that year. In fact, I had forgotten to go to the grocery store so I planned on either eating out or shopping last minute for a dinner. The roads were too icy to drive a great distance, and living in a small town, I suddenly discovered every place was closed. I was glad they were all with their families, but the best I could do, due to my poor planning, was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I started to feel sorry for myself, but immediately remembered my determined stance. I turned it around, and felt thankfulness at my deepest core. I changed my perspective and realized that I needed to give thanks. I gave thanks to God for my dreams, hopes, and my overcoming attitude. I was thankful that I could afford a roof over my head, being sheltered from the cold. I was thankful for my memories of a warm traditional Thanksgiving, and for His peace that someday I would create that with my own family. I was thankful, most of all, for personal growth. I was still in pain, but I was healing. And I was grateful.

2. Count your blessings. Name them, list them, draw them, but count them. To truly feel gratitude as part of a lifestyle of a grateful heart, you have to acknowledge your blessings. “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” Eric Hoffer

A note for those healing from sudden tragedy or trauma. There is a grief process, and as it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. You need time to get over the shock and sadness, but do not let yourself get stuck in it. If a marathon runner were suddenly shot and bleeding from a life-threatening wound, would you talk at him and tell him just to smile and run faster? No, you would get him to a hospital to heal. He is still a great runner. You can develop an attitude of gratitude, and be truly grateful inside. But if you need a moment to heal, it is okay, you will run again later (and people will once again see your positive outlook that is temporarily obscured). Let God comfort you as you heal.

3. Give thanks- show your attitude in word or deed. “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William A. Ward

Recognizing the efforts of others helps them feel appreciated. It is interesting that we should want to help those we cherish the most feel the best, but in reality the reverse often happens. Many times, we neglect to thank those closest to us (especially when we see their actions as part of an expected role). Instead, we remember to thank casual acquaintances we see while running errands. Both are important. Give thanks to those who make your life easier during the day, but also express your gratitude to those you care about the most. I make it a point to thank my husband for doing things around the house, because I want him to know I appreciate him. I thank my children for being kind to each other and I notice that positive reinforcement is the greatest motivator, and a great example to them. I look for ways to share my gratitude, so here is one now:

I want to thank God for how my life has changed, and for showing me how to live happy, healthy, successful, and free. I also thank my husband and my three beautiful children, who mean the world to me, and continue to teach me about life and love. Finally, thank you to my friends, and to my readers, who encourage me, and allow me to fulfill my purpose and share my positive motivations to help create a better you.

Thankfully yours,

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, balance, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, eating disorders, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, success, wealth & income, work & career | 14 Comments »

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

Monday, November 20th, 2006

Share Your Thoughts: Comments Are Now On!

I am pleased to announce that comments are now on. I originally kept them off due to spam concerns, but for now, I think the community that comments bring is worth the risk. I have received so many insightful responses and questions through emails and trackbacks since the inception of this blog, and I would love for all readers to see some of the dialog that goes on about each post. So, comments are now on. Please share your insights on any post that moved you, expand on my thoughts, or just contribute your feedback. I look forward to hearing even more from you all.

Thank you again for your commentary, and I hope you leave here a better you.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, diet & health, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 1 Comment »

Personal Development Newsletter From A Better You Blog: Living Happy, Healthy, Successful, And Free

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

A Better You Blog is starting a Personal Development Newsletter to help readers create a better you. Topics include managing stress, success in business and life, and making the most of every moment.  It will provide information not available elsewhere, and will include tips, tricks, and advice on living happy, healthy, successful, and free. If you have benefited from the articles on this website, you will enjoy the newsletter content. It is easy to sign up! Just enter your email address at the newsletter invitation at the end of any page on this website.

I use an automated service so your email is secure, and you can easily unsubscribe at any time. The newsletter will be sent out approximately monthly, and will begin after a subscribing base is established.

I hate it when I subscribe to a newsletter and then my inbox is filled with junk, junk, and more annoying junk. A Better You Blog does not spam, will not send you repetitive or off-topic emails, and is focused on the quality of the content rather than the frequency of the message. My goal is that you find information and inspiration to leave here a better you.

Thank you for visiting! The newsletter sign up form is found below.

Patricia

Posted in Blogroll, a higher power, attitude, business, change, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, diet & health, eating disorders, family, goals, life philosophy, marriage, motivation, organization, parenting, personal development, productivity, recovery, relationships, spirituality, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | No Comments »

4 Steps To Make It Happen, Every Time

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

What is your it? Do you want it? Are you determined? Will you dedicate your energy and focus towards it? You can achieve it. You can be an entrepreneur. You can skyrocket your business to success. You can complete the big project and meet the deadline. You can go back to school. You can teach yourself a new skill. You can develop and sustain a relationship with the person God has for you. You can live without regret. You can make it happen, and you can do it now, with these four steps.

#1: Define it: What is your it? What drives you, what is it you dream of achieving? Think big. What will keep you motivated? Do you want to start your own business and be your own boss? Do you want to switch careers? Are you seeking the love of your life? Are you striving to be a better person? Label your it. Now, be sure this is the it for you, for now. Are you ready for it? What if your dream happened, would you be ready to handle the success it brings? Be confident that God gives you the strength to accomplish the dreams He lays on your heart (…He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it… Philippians 1:6).

If it is the right dream for you, is this the right time for this it? For example, starting a new business. Income opportunities are wide open for entrepreneurs. In addition to finding a niche for your company offline, the internet provides the opportunity for people to earn a good living with relatively little investment. But it requires initiative, something to contribute to the world, and a person smart enough to understand (or learn about) business, the content, and the internet. Is that you? You also have to check the timing. Before you quit your day job, try it out on a small scale and see if your it has found a place.

#2: Detail it- Create a step by step action plan for success. Investigate other successes in your area of focus. Searching for the love of your life? Read books on relationships. Spell out what type of person you are seeking, and be the person that type of person would desire. Looking to improve in business? List out exactly what needs improvement and devise strategies for success in increments, monitoring your progress at regular intervals. Be specific with yourself, so you have clear and practical goals to accomplish each day.

#3: Do it- do it better, do it more, or do it differently, but never stop striving. If you find obstacles impeding your success, find a way around them: do it better. If you find you had difficulty in a relationship, learn from this experience, and learn how to do it better for the next time. If you stumble, get back up. If you lose a contract or client, or find you are fumbling deadlines, invest more energy into it: do it more. If you are finding brick walls with every attempt, seek out advice and change your strategy: do it differently.

If you are sure this is the right it for you and for now, then whether you do it better, do it more, or do it differently, never give up, just keep going and do it.

Do what you determine to create. Make it happen! Attitude is everything. You will never succeed without an “I can do it!” attitude. Exude confidence inside and out. Let your clients, business contacts, and others involved in your it see your expectations of achievement. Believe it and keep your focus.

#4: Do a different it- If you have truly put forth the effort, and it is not happening, then change your it. Some it is unfolding, so learn what that is, and refocus your energy towards that: do a different it. For example, only 1% of those who try to run their own business succeed. Are you in that 1%? You never know until you try, and you just might change your life. If you never try, you will never succeed. Either way, you will succeed in your it. Success means seeing past failures as stepping stones on your journey to the mountain peak of your it.

When I ran my business years ago, I started with a determination to make it work because I had to make it work. I had picked up and moved to a new state, and started from scratch. God had given me the skills, the opportunity, and the business smarts, and it was up to me to do the work. And I did. I treated my clients with respect, balanced professionalism with personality, and in a very competitive niche, I received more business than I could handle. I chose my own hours, referred work to others when I wanted time off, and received positive feedback from others in the business community. It was the right it, at the right time, and I followed through with the details and did it. I had a great attitude and I kept my focus on the it. I made it happen.

I am currently completing my dissertation for a Ph.D. degree. I am making it happen. But I had to do a different it than I first envisioned. I had originally intended to conduct my research under a large grant (very difficult to obtain, but I “think big”). I had dreams of using extremely advanced technology and spending years of work with expensive equipment. I received great feedback my first rejection, which indicated to fix a few minor details and I might get funded. I worked arduously on this task, and re-submitted. Despite these efforts, I discovered that I did not receive this grant. I had a choice. Try again for that it, or change my it.

With the six month delay the application process would cause, even with a different avenue for funding, I decided that my it is now to get it done, myself. I have refocused my work. I have scaled it down to a manageable yet still important piece of research, utilizing technology that is already available to me. And I am excited. I realize now that this is my it. I was never meant to receive the grant, but my work improved in my efforts towards it. God taught me about perseverance in the process, taking risks, and accepting rejection. And I am better for that, and more determined to succeed. While waiting to hear on the grant, I discovered the beauty of writing from my heart through this blog. I have found a way to express myself apart from my scholarly works, and to help others find a better you. I am now more determined than ever to complete my dissertation as soon in 2007 as possible, and devote more time to these articles. God is showing me my it, my passion, and His faithfulness in completing His purpose for my life. The grant was just a stepping stone towards encountering and achieving my it.

Attitude makes all the difference. Are you giving up, just hanging on, or excited about your future? Seek out your it, and make it happen! I continue to pray for my readers as I write to encourage and help you find your it. You can do it! You can succeed and make it happen! Why wait? Adjust your attitude with these four steps, and do it today.

Posted in Blogroll, attitude, business, christianity, confidence & self-esteem, courageous living, family, goals, influence & purpose, life philosophy, motivation, personal development, productivity, relationships, success, time management, wealth & income, work & career | 13 Comments »

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